What begins with Diet Coke
by CloodSama
Summary: Eveyone has bad days. Even the Otokage... Especially when three random crazy people appear from no where and end up ruining his plans by just being alive. Now with real humour! 8D Complete with upcoming sequel.
1. It Begins

**-REWRITE- HoOoOoOoOoO**

**We're doing an itty bitty rewrite of chapter oner! (thus making the rest of the fanfic more enticing!)**

**Well, not much more to say, save for this includes I, Clood, Natsama as… Nat, and TrampledRose/KittyKatFighter/Virtual Rose as Tilly. Ro is Ro. But Ro is later. Oh Ro…**

**We cannae own Naruto. Sucks.**

* * *

Prologue: It all began with a coke can. We say nothing more because prologues are boring and no one likes them.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo** - **Claud's Swanky Apartment

Two girls draped themselves across a bed, drinking Diet Coke, staring at the TV screen, observing the latest English Naruto episode.

"Why am I here?" The girl with short, dark brown hair muttered.

"Yeah, why is a Japanese person such as yourself watching the dub? Or, did you mean that in the deep, meaningful sense…?" The other replied, sipping the coke, feeling the sugar rush. "Mmm… sugar…"

"Can you drink mine? It's too fizzy….oh, look! Claud, Orochimaru's on screen. Not that I care or anything. But just in case you didn't notice. You'd sob if you didn't notice."

"WOO!" The one named Claud ran to the back of the room and quickly pulled out pompoms and returned to her place on the bed. "But damn, that disguise pisses me off… He's much… cooler without it. But maybe that's because his disguise is that of a girl…"

"Someone like him is cool?"

"Your pedophile assumptions are not welcome here!" Claud grinned, and leaned closer to the TV, in an attempt to be closer to her favourite snake nin. Not that she knew many snake nins, but it's the thought that counts.

"Claud!" Nat cried in her exasperation. With a move as stealthy as a penguin on land, she flung her open can of coke at her friend but Claud being the person she was, saw a penny on her floor and lunged out of the way unknowing of the flying coke. But she missed the penny and hit the TV and the same time as the coke.

There was a bright flash of light, and Nat was left alone in the room.

"Buh?"

oOoOoOoOoOo – The Forest of Death

A kunai hit the top of Naruto's jacket, as he was pinned to a tree in the forest of death by Sakura as he fell. The pink haired kunoichi let out a sigh of relief, but that was marred by a bright, multi coloured vortex opening up above Naruto. A blonde haired girl fell from it, screaming her head off, and landed subsequently on Naruto.

"…A… ledge? Cool! I landed on a ledge!" She looked around to find herself in one of her favourite animes. "…Wait a second! This was just on TV! …Then that logically means… This isn't a ledge!" She turned around to see Naruto's jacket slowly ripping around the kunai. With a rare instance of quick thinking, she attempted to save her own life. "Wait… Er… Oreo! …er…Orochimaru-sama!" The one being addressed looked somewhat bemused. "I can see the future and if you rescue me now… I'll tell you when you'll kill the Third Hokage!" Claud then found herself standing on firm ground, still clutching Naruto by his jacket.

"Well…? What about Sarutobi…?" Claud pondered this.

"It will happen in about three arcs… and you must be very careful… do not let him get your arms!"

"…I do not normally expression confusion… but… I beg your pardon?" Replied Orochimaru.

"And take that silly disguise off, Oro! We all know it's fake!" Orochimaru's eyes widened. _This girl can see through my jutsu?! What is she…? _

"Anyway…er… back to the battle! We'll all pretend that I'm not here with my pompoms… and I think you're meant to be fighting Sasuke now…" Claud stepped to the side and let the two mentioned get on with it. She sat down and waved her pompoms a little, trying to ponder why it was that she was in one of her favourite animes, why she had lost some weight to be a skinny _little_ ninja, and where the hell Nat was. The fact that her clothes were falling down due to her slight weight loss was somewhat "troublesome".

The fight was in its peak, Orochimaru had just gotten stuck to a tree and burnt, earning a little snigger from Claud who promptly remarked "Ha-ha, you got stuck to a tree…". A brief argument ensued, and it came to the bit where Sasuke was meant to be getting his Cursed Seal…

oOoOoOoOo – Claud's Swanky Apartment.

Nat's eyes slowly widened. _Buh…?!_ She approached the TV cautiously. The TV was emitting a bad aura and Nat suddenly remembered that Claud's new-age TV was able to absorb Coke and blow up. _Ah well, so all that means is to not get close to the TV…..WAA-_

She tripped over the can of Coke.

oOoOoOoOo – Forest of Death

Nat dropped down from above, and landed on Sasuke's back, and felt a rather painful feeling in her neck, strangely as if she had been bitten. She paused, looking at the surroundings, spotted Claud, being bug-eyed and Orochimaru with a rather long neck and she wasn't able to see the head. _Right…I'm sitting on…GAH! …Sasuke…and Claud is having a spaz attack, Orochimaru is looking slightly confused, Sakura is twitching, I'm in the Forest of Death, I've got an excruciating pain in my neck and I'm in Naruto. _

"…………Bugger, I'm in Naruto. Wait…OH BLOODY FUCK!" Nat cried and promptly collapsed, clutching her neck.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Orochimaru cried. "My teacup broke, I saw one magpie, but…I am really having a bad day here……" he muttered to himself. Claud blinked.

"So if Nat got the Cursed Seal… Can I have one?" Orochimaru glared at her along with Team 7.

"Are you a ninja?"

"…No, not really."

"Can you fight to a slight degree?"

"…I do aikido."

"Do you know what chakra IS?"

"…Possibly. If you mean katra. Okay, fine. I'm not a ninja, but I do know what chakra is, and… er… OO! I know… I'll participate in the Chuunin exams, and I bet you that I'll be able to beat all of your subordinates, excluding Kabuto! …And if I can, do I get a seal?"

"…Yes." Claud threw her pompoms in the air and ran around screaming.

"I'm gonna be a prodigy la la la laa…." And tripped over a tree root. "My… vision is all funny…COOL! It's like all multi coloured and… cool, it's like I can simultaneously predict the movements of elemental chakra, thus pre-empting elemental attacks! Awesome!" Claud then continued for a while, predicting a series of attacks against Team 7 to the horror of everyone else at which point she then stopped and grinned sheepishly. "It's like I have a Kinky Genkai, only cooler!" Sakura blinked.

"I… think you DO have a Kekkei Genkai."

"…That's so awesomely amazing! Now I have a Kinky Genkai and a Kekkei Genkai!" Orochimaru sighed.

"…No, child. You only have a Kekkei Genkai."

"I only have a Kinky Genkai?"

"Oh my god, this is going to take a while… Bloodline Limit?"

"So I have a Kekkei Genkai, a Kinky Genkai AND a Bloodline Limit?"

"No."

oOoOoOoOoOo Claud's swanky apartment, a few hours later.

"I broke into your house again, Clood!" Yet another crazy person sniggered. "But alack, for where did you go? Ooo! A fizzy beverage-absorbing TV with a frozen image of some anime on it! …Kewel!" She reached out and poked the TV. "What the Hellsing?"

oOoOoOoOo Forest of Death, when everyone's MEANT to be worrying over an unconscious Sasuke under a tree root. Which they were. Just with Sasuke _and_ Nat. The latter got slapped by Claud into Orochimaru's path and ended up with a seal.

"How could you slap Sasuke into such an evil man's path?" Sakura sobbed in Claud's general direction.

"Well, I got Oro to go away, right?"

"…By hugging him until he gave up."

"Yeah, but it worked. Oh! You know those Sound guys in the exams? They're gonna try to kill you all now." Sakura's eyes widened and very much on cue, the three Sound nins appeared, wanting to test Sasuke. But not Nat. Orochimaru wasn't interested in her.

"We have come to kill Sasuke…" Dosu said maliciously, raising his arm.

"Yeah, I already know. So piss off before I bite you all. Biting is my fighting style… ya know? And I can bite very, VERY hard." Claud defended, stepping in front of Sakura. "Dear God, did I just defend a person with PINK hair?" Dosu launched forward at Claud, using his sound arm. Which had no effect whatsoever.

"What in hell's name…? What happened to my sound waves?!"

"Heh, I guess all those hours of listening to my iPod buffed up my ears to the point that they became indestructible." Claud replied, smiling, finally working out why kids should be allowed to listen to iPods in class. Anyway, Claud then poked Dosu in the eye and bit him on the neck, muffling "Lookmph! Imph Ophochimufoo!" Translation: "Look! I'm Orochimaru!"

A squirrel hurried innocently out of the bushes, followed by a joke. Sorry, I mean, Rock Lee. "FUZZY EYEBROOOOWS!" Claud squealed excitedly, in the middle of a death battle with Dosu. Lee got beaten, expectedly and Sakura cut her hair off in a dramatic moment in the anime which Claud ruined, naturally, by hugging Sakura straight afterwards saying "You're growing up!" Whilst sniffling sarcastically. Team Ino-Shika-Chou appeared, and didn't do much good at defeating the Sound nins comparing to Claud, who was still biting the Sound nins unfortunate enough to be in range of her deadly Tackle-n-Bite combo.

Then of course, Neji appeared with Tenten, spying on the battle, gawking at Claud's rather… "unorthodox" taijutsu. If you can call it that…

Abruptly, as Sakura was about to be killed, a large, purple cascading aura rose from behind them all. Neji's eyes widened, "What the hell?" and clichéd gasps seemed to surround the area. Nat was on her feet, her head hung down freakishly.

"Oh dear, here goes the Samara obsession again…. Everyday she's like 'I am SAMARA' and is like Nat and then I'm like '…' and then she's like …GONNA PUNCH ME! CRAP!" And with a single movement, Nat sent Claud flying back several feet, swearing. Dosu's eyes slowly narrowed.

"….That's Sasuke-kun?"

"….No, that's my at the moment dysfunctional friend, Nat. Now THAT'S Sasuke." Claud, from her horizontal position on the floor, pointed over to another figure, Sasuke, who was also rising with the purple aura, Cursed Seal pulsing. He was also making a speech.

"I will avenge my family, even if I have to go to the Devil for strength…" Claud sniggered.

"I love dramatic irony! Cough. But seriously, you should like suppress the seal lest you get consumed by its awesomeness… Or evilness, one of the two, anyway, if it's left un-dealt with for a while, you go crazy and stuff. Cool! I'm like a seal expert! Call me Clood-Sen—" Sakura glanced at her.

"…Shut up, please…!" Anyway, back to the semi-dramatic thing. Claud stood up.

"Right. Nat. This has gone too far! …Wait, no, Sasuke, don't break Zaku's arms! …Too late. Anyway, Nat!" Claud marched over to her friend, dodged a few punches remarkably and slapped Nat, with the most glorious noise making slaps of all slaps. Nat's seal receded and she blinked.

"What was that for, dobe?"

"…I just saved you from the Cursed Seal, now! Let me save Sasuke—"

Nat punched her anyway over to her destination, regardless of her reduced power.

"…NICE!" Claud found herself at Sasuke's murderous feet—er… wrath.

"SASUKE-KUN! You've known me for about three hours, but still… don't do this, you're not a killer! But I am…" And she thus hugged Sasuke, much to Sakura's horror, who pushed Claud off and hugged Sasuke, who was already back to semi normality. If you can call ANGST! normality. Claud slapped Sakura.

"**I **hugged Sasuke first, ME, ALL ME!" Sakura slapped her back.

"**I **beat the seal!" SLAP.

"I DID!" SLAP.

"ME!" SLAP.

"…Which one of you hugged me?! Who?!" Sasuke cried in anguish, realizing most of the rookie Genins had seen.

"…HIM!" Sakura and Claud screamed, pointing at Dosu.

"What the heck is going on?!" Nat cried, having seen the…spectacle.

"Well, you and Sauce-kay-kun were all sealed up and then we were like 'zomg, we're all gonna die' then I was like SLAP and you were like unsealed and Sasuke was like 'mweeegh' and I was like 'SASUKE-KUN! You've known me for about three hours, but still… don't do this, you're not a killer! But I am…' and then he was like unsealed and Sakura was like 'MY BITCH' and I was like 'MINE' and that's pretty much as far as we've gotten." Claud replied, with a peace sign.

Nat slitted her eyes. "I don't need to know the rest; but aren't we supposed to get the scrolls now?" Claud grinned.

"Leave that to me." She turned around to face Dosu with a malicious grin on her face. "Round two starts now, any rabies that you catch are purely coincidental." Dosu's eyes widened, and he set down the scroll.

"You may have won now… But you won't be so lucky next time, Nat, Sasuke and… non descript crazy girl." Claud gasped.

"You do not know who I am? I AM ORO'S NEXT PRODIGY STUDENT, I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NINJA-NESS YET—"

"Cough." Nat implied obviously. Claud glared at her friend.

"I WILL be the next Oro prodigy … I mean… OTOKAGE, BELIEVE IT!" There was a slight sweat drop moment, as the Sound nins quite promptly ran away. "Oh yes, teh power!"

Naruto glared at her. "You stole my catch phrase, believe it!"

"You have stupid hair, believe it!" And thus a pact of hate was formed between the main character and one of the OC main characters.

Claud walked over to the scroll and picked it up, still slightly unbelieving that she just defeated three Sound nins with biting and a crazy disposition. Not to mention the defeat of Orochimaru, one of the main villains, earlier. "…Well, now that we have the scroll… I guess we can defect from the Konoha lot and go by ourselves, Nat."

There was another flash of light, as once again, an OC descended from the sky, screaming some form of battle cry as she went. "CHAKA CHAKA CHAKAAA!" It was no one but Tilly from a few scenes ago. She landed on Sasuke, just like Nat had. "….I know you people!" She said, pointing around the area. "But… who the hell are you two!?" She asked to Nat and Claud, they both sweat dropped in unison.

"Tis us… Nat and Claud." The latter muttered, slightly confused as to why Tilly did not recognize them. "Is it the hair? Did it get burnt? Is it because I'm freakishly skinny like all the other ninja girls? Is it because I have a more malicious glint in my eyes than normal?!" Tilly blinked.

"OH MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL NINJAISH! And… How can I be here after only watching 8 episodes? I have no idea where the hell we are, and what the f is going fin on and that b Sasuke emo better not be fu … I should stop with that now…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOo - Somewhere else, in the Forest of Death.

"And… you're telling me that you were defeated by that… idiot?"

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama… She withstood my sound waves effortlessly, after dodging the hit by only a few centimeters!"

"I see…" _That's not the first time she's been able to defeat techniques… firstly my facial transfer and now… this. _Kin spoke up.

"Although, she did have the help of several Konoha Genin to take out Zaku and I… But still, I do not think she should be taken lightly."

"Especially not with that other girl who obtained the seal… And the Heaven one at that…"

"You… missed, Orochimaru-sama?"

"No, I deviated from my original plan."

"Yes, sir."

"Now… continue on with the 'exam', I shall attempt to make it so that you can fight those two by rigging the match board. Now, go!" and the two young nins disappeared in that funny ninja blur. Not three, Zaku was whimpering somewhere about his arms.

* * *

**AN**

**Well, how will the rewritten chapter go amongst the reviewers? –ponders- Enjoy the rest of the soon (psh, yeah right) to be rewritten fanfic!**

**End AN**


	2. Clauds VS Kabuto

**A.N. Yes, we are aware of the… slight delay in releasing the next chapter, but we don't care about your pain. Ha-ha. I don't think there's much to say, so without further ado… LET USH BEGGINNETH! -rabid glint in eye- **

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"What was I doing again?" said Tilly, playing with this random thumb tack she'd found on the floor.

"…Hugging Kakashi?"

"Oh yes, I remember now!" Tilly grinned, failing to notice she was remembering something that didn't actually happen. Sasuke was looking fairly confused, Sakura was… stupid and Naruto was glaring at Claud, who had stolen his 'believe it' tendancy. And his dream. But she wasn't doing too well at it, in fact, she was no further than last chapter, for no one had really moved.

"So, I guess we'll be leaving then…" Nat remarked, making a plot point.

"EGADS! A PLOT POINT!" Claud shrieked in horror.

"…yes, a plot point." Nat replied, with that usual sarcastic tone that you probably haven't managed to pick up yet. You can never know it until you listen to Nat's speech patterns.

"I've got it!" Claud shrieked, in happiness and something vaguely fuzzy. Grabbing a scroll from god knows where, she started to write a letter.

"DEAR ORO-CHAN

I DECLARE WARS ON YOU, SNOOGUMS

LOVE, CLAUD XxX"

There was a slight moment of silence. "War…?" Sasuke asked. "You do know that he's an S-class all powerful Kage-level dude… and you're an idiot. How in hell's name are you going to win the war, let alone start it?"

"Well, the latter's already sorted out, I SHALL START IT WITH THIS LETTER! And as for winning, I beat him last chapter!" Claud replied, hugging her letter, quite unaware that she'd written it on the heaven scroll needed to complete the exam. It was also meant to disqualify her on opening, but that didn't work, she was too stupid to notice the Iruka-summon on it.

Tilly jumped on Sasuke's back. "AWAY! TO KONOHA!" She yelled, kicking him until he squealed like a piggy and ran around in little circles.

"Tilly, we ARE in Konoha." Nat replied.

"No we're not!"

"We're in the forest of death. The chuunin exam. IN KONOHA!"

"No silly, the Forest of Death is in Pompei. No matter, onwards, to Kakashi!" Tilly slipped on her spurred boots, and got Sasuke running faster than her previous pet, Sesshoumaru. However, someone threw a rock at Tilly: Nat, and knocked her off.

"We are going to get an earth scroll so we can goddamn participate in the exam! And then you can see Kakashi!" Tilly paused.

"Kakashi you say…?"

"Yes, and then you can… do whatever with him." Nat shuddered. "Dear god, did I just sell poor, poor Kakashi?!" and with that, the two crazy people and one non crazy person walked off. One was muttering 'Kakashi', one was slapping her forehead, and one was grinning saying 'Ororororororororo….'. They forgot about team 7 and all the other genin in the clearing (They suck anyway…) and continued walking, kind of ignorant about the fact that they were in the Forest of _Death_. That means they are going to die. _Death…._

A few hours later…

"I recognize that tree!"

"Yes, we've been resting here for 10 minutes, of course you recognize it, Claud." Nat replied, just thankful that they somehow found a way to get rid of Claud's war declaration.

"Is that bush rustling?" All three girls turned their heads, slowly picking up sticks and advancing on the bush…

"DIE JIRAIYA!" they screamed, as they brutally beat the shrubbery.

However, a half conscious squirrel tumbled out. Claud gasped.

"Jiraiya turned into a squirrel! Beat it!" and she beat the squirrel. Again. Nat had worked out, that it was in fact a squirrel, and was desperately trying to stop Claud from killing it.

"GODDAMMIT! IT'S A SQUIRREL!"

"Ah, it may look like a squirrel, but deep down it's a Hentai loving FREAK!" and she delivered the finishing blow to it.

Tilly poked the squirrel with her stick. It twitched a little. Suddenly, a shiny lightbulb appeared above her head.

"LET'S EAT IT!" Tilly screamed.

"I'm hungry too…all this Oro love is wearing me out."

"….." For a second, it seemed that Nat had turned emo until they realised she was thinking. A concept quite alien to Claud and Tilly. "Yes, let's eat it."

"WOO!" Claud screamed. "But alack, for we need fire! I think I know a fire jutsu…" and she tried her hardest to replicate Sasuke's 'Katon: Gokakyuu no Jutsu'. It was meant to be a C rank jutsu, but it just wasn't working… in fact, all she was managing was to get some mouth juice on a pile of sticks. "FIRE!"

"Here, I think I can improvise one for us…" Tilly twirled around on the spot three times, touched her toes and pulled a funny face. All of a sudden, the squirrel transformed back into…

JIRAIYA!

Hell no!

A pile of ashes.

"Well, there goes our food. Thanks Tilly." Nat raised her eyebrow, accidently releasing the power of a thousand hot needles on the forest, which made all the trees have little itty bitty craters on them.

"Dear god, what the hell was that, Nat? Do you have a kinky genkai, too?" Nat paused.

"I thought Oro distinguished the fact that it was 'kekkei' in the first chapter."

"Oro doesn't know what he's saying, he was blinded by his love for me! Oh alack, Oro, where are you now!?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru stared blankly into a crystal ball, quite like the third hokage's.

"…My … love, for … her…" he twitched. Kabuto backed away a few steps.

"O-O-Orochimaru-sama… are you… okay?"

"…Burn the Forest of Death. Leave none alive! I don't care about Sasuke, just KILL THEM ALL!" he paused slightly and regained his composure. "…Just, go kill those three, I don't care how, just kill them." He twitched again, staring at the ball. Claud was dancing around in circles singing a song 'ORorororororoRORorororo la la laaa, doo doo dooo…'.

"No offence, Orochimaru-sama, but she's only singing." The song gained a few more lyrics. 'Kabuto's an assehole, Kabuto's an assehole and I hate him. Stupid OroKabu… tra la la la!". Kabuto twitched as well. "She's dead."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Claud sneezed. "Wouldn't it be funny if Oro-chan was watching us right now?" and right on cue, Kabuto jumped down pointing at Claud.

"You… That song…" On closer inspection Nat noticed that Kabuto was still twitching.

"What song, Kabuto, dear?" Claud grinned. "OH! Kabuto's an assehole, Kabuto's an assehole and I hate him. Stupid OroKabu… tra la la la! … That one?"

"Yes. That one." And with that he threw a kunai at her, she looked confused and then leaped to the floor screaming.

"OMFGKUNAIKUNAIKUNAI! Wait…" She stood up. "FEAR THE WRATH OF MY KINKY GENKAI!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Oro slapped his head.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat paused. "Hey, isn't Kabuto an Elite Jounin level nin?" Tilly grinned.

"Yeah. And?"

"… think of the implications."

"HO MY GOD, HES GONNA KILL CLAUD!" and of course Claud couldn't care less. He was an Oro follower, so he was of no danger.

"I AM THE NEXT OTOKAGE, BELIEVE IT!" Claud proclaimed looking randomly proud. With that, Kabuto threw another few kunai at her and disappeared in a ninja blur.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"…but I'm the Otokage… how does THAT work?" Oro asked no one in particular. _More interestingly… if she can beat Kabuto… Wait, no. Stupid, retarded thought._

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The battle was… pretty much the same as it was before, Kabuto launching a few kunai at her. And then he sneezed, catching him off balance, forcing him to reveal his hiding place. Claud turned round, and using the kunai she had picked up, lobbed it at Kabuto, missing by about 3 meters.

"…. Its kinda depressing, if that had gone in his direction, that would have hit… Damn, I could have taken over his position--"

"And therefore spoiling the story thereafter."

"Shut up, Nat." Claud continued to dodge a few kunai "Hey, I'm actually quite good at this! Awesomeness!" and it was at this that Kabuto lost his patience. Using the chakra scalpel he revealed to the world in the Sannin battle later on in the series, he leapt at Claud. "KINKY GENKAI POWER! … Or something like that." With that, Claud's eyes went black, with a white shape that looked like a flower. "EYE ATTACK—Wait, I don't have one." The surrounding area changed its appearance to mere shapes in 5 different colours, presumably representing the 5 most awesome elements. Including Kabuto, which Claud giggled a little at. But it did make Kabuto's chakra scalpel blindingly obvious, and thus horrifically easy to dodge. "EHMAGOD, I'M LIKE A DODGE MASTER! All that DDR has paid off!" and she used Kabuto's position to slap him around the head. And bite him.

Nat gaped at her. Tilly giggled. "Claud's giving Kabuto a lovebite!" the man with glasses choked and leapt back, staring in the girls' general direction, swaying slightly. Claud was coughing over to the side.

"Eww, glasses germs! I need a better taijutsu style… seriously." Tilly opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something intelligent, but nothing came. In stead, Nat said it for her.

"Shouldn't we take the time whilst Kabuto is reeling to run for it and steal his earth scroll?" She indicated to the scroll, which was sticking out of his pocket rather obviously. The other two nodded and they ran at Kabuto together, looking somewhat menacing. Tilly and Nat grabbed Kabuto's arms as Claud pulled down his pants, tied his shoelaces together and yoinked the scroll, and with that, they ran off behind Kabuto. It was at this point they discovered the ninja-jump.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru blinked as he stared at the three running away. "What in the…? I guess that thought wasn't quite as retarded as it first appeared…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Is he following us?" Tilly asked, huffing in a corner. Nat shook her head.

"If he was, we'd be dead right about now. And we wouldn't have the earth scroll, and Claud wouldn't be intact. And was it really necessary to pull down Kabuto's trousers…?" Claud grinned.

"Yes. Dude, I beat a Jounin! I BEAT A JOUNIN WITHOUT ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING BESIDES BITING HIM!" and Claud was so dizzy with excitement that she slumped to the floor and fell asleep. Tilly poked her.

"I think she's dead. LET'S EAT HER!" Claud snored a little. "Wait, no. She's alive again. LETS EAT HER FOOT!" Nat slapped her over the head.

"If we ate her foot, we'd die from food poisoning. No- we'd blow up from food poisoning."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sasuke started moulting through stress-- … twitching. "So what now? Some weird team of freaks have invaded the most important exam of our life, one of them is some rabid Orochimaru fangirl, one has a cursed seal, and I think I saw an 'Icha Icha Paradise' in the pocket of the last one… What do we do?!" Sakura was still moaning about Claud hugging Sasuke.

"We DIE." The kuonichi moaned.

"WE BEFRIEND THEM AND MAKE THEM OUR BEST FRIENDS!" Naruto proclaimed in joy.

"We get ANBU to investigate them." Sasuke said. "There's no way that someone who can run up to Orochimaru without fear can be a normal Gennin. Like us." Sakura moaned again.

"Unless you're really weird. Then you can…" However, Sasuke did not pay attention to Sakura's last remark, he was firing the flare that he just happened to have in his pocket in an upward direction. … that sounds… really wrong. But anyway, we can't be bothered to change the descriptionness. XP

"The ANBU will find us, and then we'll be okay. They'll take care of those two, and Orochimaru, and we can continue with the exam without fear." Sakura however, was not reassured by Sasuke's words. Neither was she reassured by the pathetic glow the flare made a few meters up in the air.

"We're going to DIE."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat threw a kunai at a tree, and was beginning to get near it. She only had one kunai from Kabuto's seemingly endless supply that she picked up – earlier she'd thrown it, and it hat missed Tilly by a centimetre. Tilly was too lazy to practice anything. Claud was still asleep, but was muttering 'Ororororororororororororo…drool… smexy… Orohrohrohrohro…' which was a slight change from the earlier 'GODDAMMIT, THE TEAPOT'S IN MY HAT, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE, KABUTO!'.

"… Tilly, are you going to do anything…?"

"Starting now! Katrakatrakatrakatrakatra… COME, KATRA, FROM HELL!" Tilly made a funny stance and started jumping around. "COME, KATRA! OOOOO!" Surprisingly, there was a little poof of smoke, and she transformed into Oro. Claud awoke with a start and the first thing she saw… was Tilly- Oro… whatever.

"ORO! YOU CAME BACK FOR ME! I KNEW YOU WOULD! OROROROROROROOO!" and she leapt on Tilly, who transformed back with a scared look on her face.

"Claud's trying to molest me… I don't like being molested… by Claud." And Claud was once again coughing on the side.

"TILLY GERMS! EW!"

"…well, who DO you like being 'molested' by…?" Nat asked.

"I would have thought that was pretty obvious…. Kakashikakashikakashikakashi…"

"Do you KNOW what molesting means?"

"Its when a daddy loves a mommy, but the mommy doesn't love the daddy. In this case, Kakashi's the mommy. Should I draw you a diagram?" Then there was a slight split in opinion, Claud was yelling 'DRAW THE DIAGRAM!', Nat was trying to kill the both of them simultaneously, and the squirrel from a few scenes ago was just plain dead. Ha-ha.

It was decided that they would all spend a while perfecting random jutsus – ie the very basic kinds that 5 year olds can do. This continued for a while until one of the ANBU descended from the tree top, and landed in front of the three of them. It spoke-- … he spoke.

"Are you the "Team Freak" Sasuke-kun told us about?" Claud gasped.

"I object to that! We are … TEAM SUPERCALILAPOOP! … Okay, Team Freak's fine." The ANBU approached them as if they were rabid, which they kind of were, and he poked Claud.

"So you're not a bunshin or anything…?"

"OMGTHEANBUSMOLESTINGME! AND I'M THE MOMMY!" Claud screamed. Tilly looked at Nat.

"What's a bunshin?" And it was Claud who replied to this.

"Its when a daddy loves himself very much and he makes another daddy… by himself."

"What, like a little daddy?" Tilly asked. The ANBU intervened before Claud could answer.

"I'll… take you three to Lord Hokage."

"SARUTOBI! KILL!" Claud yelled. "ANYONE OPPOSED TO ORO MUST DIE!"

"Oro…? As in … Orochimaru?!" The ANBU asked, urgency obviously riddling his voice.

"Yes-- … I mean, No. I mean… Oreo."

"Oreo…?"

"Yeah, he's a new Kage person… he's like… a cookie type. Not the OTOkage or anything."

"Tell me what you know about Orochimaru!"

"He's sexy."

"… you know nothing. Come, lets go to Hokage-Sama."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The Third Hokage peered at the three girls in front of him. His first impressions were… they were lively. Too lively, if anything.

"So… how is it that three young girls such as yourself came to be in the middle of our Chuunin exams…?" Claud twitched slightly, and was obviously forcing a smile.

"We were watching TV at home when we got sucked in to this place and we already knew the world because it was… in a book at home. Anyway, we decided to continue with the exam and we got two scrolls by learning how ninjas fought by ourselves. And that's pretty much it." Nat elbowed her "… Fine. Sir."

"Forgive me, but from your neck…" he indicated to Nat, "I can see you've had a run in with… him. Sasuke-kun is in the same dilemma, so you are by no means alone… but why do you have a seal…?" Nat slapped her head.

"Welll…. We arrived just when Sasuke was about to get his seal… and I took his place, however Sasuke did end up with one regardless, Sir." The Hokage made a 'mmm' noise, as if thinking.

"Did anyone follow you to this world…?" Tilly took her turn to speak.

"Well when I was--" But Claud interrupted.

"Does it matter? I want to continue with the exaaaaaam! … we're Gennin in our own world – we have a similar system… and… these…" Claud searched her pockets "HOUSE KEYS prove it. Yes, these house keys." She indicated to the three copies on her keychain. "Nat and Tilly gave them to me to keep when we got here just in case they lost theirs… Sir." Claud rolled her eyes at the last bit, however, the Hokage did not pick up on her sarcasm and nodded.

"… If this is true, then I see it fit for you to continue the Chuunin exams. Welcome to Konoha!" He indicated to the left where a cabinet stood. Inside were quite a few Konoha headbands – spares, Nat presumed, for those who lost theirs. All three of them walked over to the cabinet and picked a headband up, Claud grudgingly put hers on. It just wasn't the same as a Sound Headband. Tilly shrugged and placed it on her forehead, and Nat stared at it, and then did the same. "Now, if you three are ready…"

An ANBU stepped out from the corner and escorted Claud, Nat and Tilly to the preliminary battle hall. All the other Gennin were standing around waiting, and finally as the three joined their ranks, the Third Hokage stepped in front of them (which was somewhat confusing for Team Freak, as they hadn't quite gotten used to the ninja-appear-out-of-no-where-thing) and gave his speech.

"…Now, will anyone quit?" Claud turned her head to Kabuto and grinned maliciously – he still had a bite mark on his neck where Claud attacked him. However, he didn't raise his hand – no one did.

"Are you all absolutely sure…?"

"I don't think Kabuto is, Sir. He might find it a bit… too much." Claud remarked smiling. The glasses nerd did the push-up-glasses-with-finger-thing and smiled.

"I'm quite fine with continuing, if it means I can fight… her." He glanced at Claud who smiled back.

"…Right, let's begin." And with that, Hayate stepped out – coughing, and indicated to the board, where the first names came up.

Sasuke VS Akado. Claud giggled.

"Oh I do love a bit of interestingness. Of course Sasuke won't win or anything. And I certainly don't know what Akado's skill. I-" but Claud spotted Oro with the sound nin, and squealed. She thus ran up to him. OR----I… makeupnamemakeupname… ORIMARU!" Orochimaru stared at her.

"So they let you officially take the exam?" He raised his eyebrow at Claud's Konoha Headband.

"…its… not like official or anything, its all… deceptiveness! I'm not ACTUALLY on Konoha's side, like Kabuto! He's only PRETENDING to be--" but she found herself interrupted.

"As nice as it is that you know everything, perhaps you shouldn't tell everyone here."

"… oh yeah. I'm meant to be undercover!"

"When did I say anything about you working for me?"

"You didn't, it was my initiative! I KNEW you would need me for some random crap!" she made a peace sign.

Orochimaru slapped his head.

There was a sudden roar from the crowd as Sasuke narrowly beat his cursed seal and his opponent.

"Damn….I WAS GONNA DO THAT!" Claud squealed. "Now I'll never totally fulfil my bet… unless I go slap him now! Yes, I'll go do that, so if you'll excuse me… Orimaru-sensei!" one could swear that the background momentarily changed to hearts. She thus ran down, slapped Akado and ran back to Tilly and Nat giggling.

"….You could have done the ninja-appear-out-of-nowhere thing, you know." Nat said. "Like thus." She pointed to Shino and Zaku's momentary puff of smoke as they prepared to fight. Claud waved her arms in the air.

"GO GET IM ZAKU, MY BROTHER! Not that you will or anything…" And once again, Orochimaru was forced to glare at her from across the arena.

"That kid… annoys me." Dosu muttered. "God, if I have to fight her again…" He moaned. Kin just stared at her.

"Why is everyone's hair nicer than mine…?" and thus Oro disappeared, leaving Kin to contemplate the wonders of shampoo and conditioner.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Random room where Sasuke gets sealed again.

Kakashi had sealed Sasuke up again when Orochimaru came into the room. Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "Where DID Team Freak come from?" he asked honestly. Orochimaru shrugged his shoulders.

"Beats me."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat smirked at Ino. "So you want to know the outcome of your up coming battle…? Hmm… the spirits tell me that you will fight…" Nat hummed for dramatic effect, "Sakura. And… the outcome? A mere draw, it is inevitable, you cannot deny your destiny, besides, I can see it in the stars. … Ceiling." Nat's fortune telling was quite a success, quite a few gennin had asked her who they would fight. Including Gaara. "But Claud, do you not want to know…?"

"… I know your trick Nat, I can do it too." The genin oohed. "Because now, the elasticy sound guy is going to fight----……oh."

"You. Ha-ha." Nat sniggered.

Claud tried the ninja-appear-out-of-nowhere thing and succeeded….albeit somewhat surprisingly.

Tsurugi narrowed his eyes. "You. I've heard about you from Kabuto."

Claud smiled with pride. "Yes. Me."

Nat and Tilly groaned. "Yes. Her. And Him. "

Kabuto cursed. "I wanted to kill her, damn it! NOW I want out!" and even Orochimaru appeared, just to watch the outcome.

**A.N.**

… **well, that was somewhat amusing. It keeps us entertained… NOW READ AND REVIEW! (The most convincing note is still in development. The planning stage has been put on hiatus due to… things.)**


	3. The Chuunin Battles

**A.N. Ma… slightly less of a delay on this chapter… mainly because we started before publishing chapter 2. Yay. 2 was so late because I got this floppy disk to put the chapter on… but our new school computers don't have floppy-holes, hence it was impossible for me to utilize my purchase. -.-' so the next day I bought a USB key. And we had a two week half term. And that, at last, worked. Now without futher ado… -insert heart here-**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Tsurugi stared intently at his opponent who was grinning rather confidently. She had no reason to be confident, however, for her skills were somewhat lacking, but her thoughts were based on 'If some random ugly puppet dude can win, I can win!'. So that was okay. Kind of.

"We will now commence the second round of the Third Exam preliminaries…" and with that Tsurugi leapt at Claud. Who activated her kekkei genkai. But that wasn't really working, as Tsurugi's attacks weren't actually elemental – but all that DDR was paying off. You don't go to an expo and be the most well known DDR master there for nothing. In fact, she was even humming a DDR tune, love love shine in her head, just for some rhythm.

"Dammit, why can't I hit you!?" Tsurugi stopped his attacks for a while and glared at Claud, who was still singing love love shine.

"Why? Why is not a proper question… in fact, you need to know the reason, not why…" Claud snapped out of her dance thing.

"But…. That's the same thing."

"Essentially, but I look cooler if I say that instead of answer. But the reason… I do DDR." There was a brief pause, and Tsurugi shrugged and leapt at Claud again, who stepped to the side, avoiding a stretchy arm. "For instance, if I did not do DDR, I would not have such good reactions, and my feet would not move this quickly." She demonstrated, by doing a kind of Hyuuga spinny thing.

"Can you do anything besides dodge my attacks…?"

"No, not really." Claud grinned, and reached for the one kunai she possessed. But that was too deep in her pocket, and she could not reach it from her aerial position. "Ho crap! There's only one thing for it… remember what Mr. Uchiha said when he was teaching Sasuke… KATON: GOKAKYUU NO JUTSU!"

Orochimaru stared. "S-s-she… did it!" There was a deadly silence, all eyes were on Claud, standing there. "…In the wrong direction." A random Jounin standing next to Orochimaru smiled.

"That kid sure has potential. She'd make someone a very happy sensei." Oro glared at him and returned to watching the match. Claud was cursing, firstly because she'd missed, secondly because she'd wasted most of her chakra doing so. And it was with that, that she realised she could now reach her kunai, but throwing it was a different matter. But she got it out of her pocket anyway to look cool.

"So you're going to try and beat me with a kunai? Kabuto was right, you are stupid." Claud twitched.

"Friends can call me stupid, Or…imaru can call me stupid, Sasuke can call me stupid, but FREAKKIN STRETCHY PEOPLE CAN'T!" Tsurugi sweat dropped and launched himself at Claud, who was in a thoroughly bad mood.

"Oh what the hell…" She said, and watched Tsurugi's jumpyness. _The last time I threw kunai, it went three meters off target at a 47 degree angle assuming upwards is 0 and the numbering goes clockwise… So if I throw it three meters in that general direction, it should hit! "_FLY, MY KUNAI, FLY!" and she lobbed it forwards, Tsurugi, however, just started another jump, and was in mid air when it was apparent that he jumped right into the path of the flying knife. Which hit him right in the forehead, piercing his skull, and all the other nasty ness that you don't need to know about.

"…Winner, Claud. You will be going through to the next round." Hayate indicated to the kuonichi who was running around 'ree'ing.

"REE, I KILLEDSOMEONEIKILLEDSOMEONE…! COOL! I KILLED SOMEONE!" and instead of running up to her team-mates, she ran straight to Orochimaru. "So… do I get my suspicious-tatoo-on-neck-that-I-can't-mention-otherwise-people-will-work-out-who-I'm-working-for yet?"

"… Is that really what you want? You'll most likely die from i--"

"Yeah, and the odds were pretty damn slim that I could beat the stretchy dude. BUT I DID! SO BRING YOUR … TATOOS, I FEAR THEIR CONSEQUENCES NOT!" Claud replied, making a silly pose. Orochimaru paused, thinking. Which was a concept still quite alien to Tilly, but Claud had managed it with the kunai thing.

"Do you swear to work for me, and solely for me?"

"Do I get paid?"

"Only with my teaching."

"I'm so amazingly 'in' with this deal, its not funny!" and Claud did the ninja-disappear thingy and arrived in between Nat and Tilly, who had been spying on her conversation with the snake sannin.

"So does Orochimaru know what he got himself in to…?" Nat asked, arching her eyebrow in a satirical manner, watching the medic nins carry away Tsurugi's body on a stretcher. Tilly looked at Claud, eyes watering in a comic manner.

"YOU ALMOST DIED, DIED I TELL YOU, DIED!" and with that she leaped on Claud.

"'Almost' being the key word here. Oh, yes. As you know, I shall be betraying Konoha and my team-mates, so that means you, and going with Oro. So yeah."

"You mean you're actually going? I couldn't be bothered to spy on the conversation."

"MMM HMM! I get a curse—Tatoo and all." Claud made a peace sign, and giggled. Turning around to see Rock Lee approaching.

"That display of youth was more beautiful than anything I have ever seen! YOU! Be my bride!" and he pointed at the brown haired one. Or Tilly, as we like to call it. Claud sighed.

"But… wha? Widda? Wubba? ISha… shuba…. BLUUUU!" and Tilly unlocked her ultimate kekkei genkai of ultimate confusion! … We don't know how that works, it just does. Nat was still watching the battles, which everyone had lost interest in.

"Why, why do you hate me, my brown haired love! What about the baby?!"

"But we don't have a baby!"

"We could!" Rock Lee ended up buried half way in the ground, his foot twitching slightly.

"And that's in honour of Kakashi sensei! … Who is staring at me awkwardly! KAKAAAASHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" and she did a force-jump over the battle to Kakashi. And glomped him. Nat just shuddered and returned to watching the battle. But she was forced to look away as Naruto defeated Kiba. With a … butt smell.

"Such a shameful technique." And with that, she turned round to see Claud disciplining Lee, Tenten attempting to break them up, and Neji was just looking arrogant.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO RENDAN!" Signalling that the battle… was thoroughly over. Kiba and Naruto returned to their teams, one in high spirits, the other slightly annoyed. The sign changed to 'Hyuuga Neji vs Hyuuga Hinata', and there was much cheering from Claud.

"Neji, Neji, he's our man, if he can't do it no one can! GO NEJI!" The Hyuuga prodigy just smirked, and leapt down to the arena, Hinata looked thoroughly worried, and departed for the ground herself. Nat looked on intently.

"Oh here we go, Nat. The Byakugan obsession!"

"…I'm not. Anyway, since we're in a ninja world, we should REALLY be studying all of Konoha's techniques. Slash bloodline limits. Especially you, since you're going off with Orochimaru."

"Yeah, but I know what the bloody hell's gonna happen."

"….That's not the point."

"WhatEVER." Claud did an 'in your face' hand signal. This form of dialogue continued on for the duration of the Hyuuga battle.

Nat turned around to see Hinata being taken away on a stretcher. "So. What did we miss?"

"….Talk about observing bloodline limits, Nat."

"Shut up- … Me, Nat, VS Tenten? What in the world?"

"If you lose to Tenten, I'm never talking to you again." Claud shuddered at the thought of her winning and Nat not. And of course, there was no hope whatsoever for Tilly. Nat disappeared in a poof of smoke to face Tenten. Hayate raised his eyebrow in a rare moment of expression. "Start."

Nat ducked by instinct to avoid 3 kunai that flew above her head. _…Damn. Ok. Ok. Nat..Calm. Down. Claud will kill you. Tilly will look really sill---that's not the point. Right. I'm dealing with a weapons expert..therefore she doesn't specialise in ninjutsu. And…the only jutsus I know are stupid ones….my bloodline limit of COURSE doesn't help and Claud…..I don't think I'll be as lucky as her. Not in a million years. Um…..ooh! _

-flashback-

Team Freak was jumping towards the Hokage's office, therefore taking a shortcut to ending the second stage. Nat was lagging behind, Claud sneered at her. "Hurry the hell up!" She touched a nerve and Nat felt a slight vibrating feeling in her whole arm, with a bit of heat. She stared at it, then hurried up.

-end flashback-

…_.hmph. HELL YEAH! _She abruptly stopped dodging and searched for the loose tile that Kiba had made when crashing down to the floor. Tenten sniggered. "What are you gonna do, dig towards me?!"

"….no, person-with-almost-lowest-stats-in-character-data-file….." And with that, Nat released a force wave through the floor towards Tenten; as she was inexperienced, the whole stadium rocked. Rather a lot.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" Claud cried as she hung on to the railings. Tenten screamed girlishly as her head was ricocheted against the wall, leaving her to rest on the floor with a ghastly gash in her head. Nat slowly stood up, swaying slightly.

"Winner, Nat."

"WOO! GO NAT, GO NAT! GO NATGONATGONAT!" Tilly yelled from on top of Kakashi's back. Poor man.

Orochimaru's gaze lingered on Claud and Nat, conversing. _Two latent prodigies… but will the third be the same…?_

"Alright, Nat! We owned those two! Stretchy people and stupid weaponists are no match for geniuses such as us, ne? Nat…?"

"Yeah, I guess so… Hey, do they have a kind of… rest area? I think I used a bit too much chakra on that last attack or something. Yeah…" Nat looked disgruntled and clutched her neck. "THE GOD DAMN FEKKING SEAL!" Nat doubled over and moaned. Claud poked her, and was unhelpful.

"OH MY GOD NARUTO IS THE FOURTH HOKAGE'S SON!!!" Tilly screamed in Kakashi's ear, having only just realised this. Once again succeeding at her ultimate confusion kekkei genkai.

"Well, that was retarded." Nat replied, surpassing the seal, whilst looking all confused and pained. Claud was still poking her, because she was Claud, and Claud does what Claud wants.

"YES! Because my confusion causes PAIN! IN THE LOINS!"

"…Loins?" Nat glared at her, and looked more disgruntled than she had when the seal got her. There was a brief pause in the conversation, when they all happened to glance up at the match board. Tilly stared at the screen.

"Dosu? Who the fuck's Dosu? I don't want to fight someone called Dosu! That sounds like… Desu, and that's just stupid!"

Orochimaru glared. "I think I know someone far more stupid. Or perhaps two." Dosu glanced at his master.

"Are you okay, Sir?"

"Disgruntled, and pondering what the next few years of my life are going to be like." He looked in Claud's general direction. And then looked away. He was really dreading the rest of his existence.

"Do I have permission to kill her?"

"I really couldn't care less." Dosu jumped down to the arena, which Tilly was trying to reach via 'force jumps, but she quite couldn't quite get over the railing of the balcony. After about 2 minutes of everyone staring at her, she gave up and walked down the stairs. Which took 20 seconds.

"RIGHT, DESU! You're going down!"

"Dosu."

"Same freakkin thing! Well, actually not, but I wanna call you Desu, that's alright, isn't it?" She said the last bit somewhat evilly. And then Dosu raised his arm. At that, Tilly ran off in the opposite direction.

"SAVE ME JEBUS! I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Dosu had not in fact moved. He had only raised his arm a little bit to scratch his head. "…ahem. I'm going to throw a kunai at you, now. Don't move, okay?"

"...okay. Wait…"

"HA-HA! THE FIRST LEVEL OF MY ULTIMATE CONFUSION KEKKEI GENKAI!"

"What in hell's name?" He said only to be struck in the loins. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! WHAT IS THIS PAIN I FEEL!?"

"That's called a … umm… You tell me!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" At this point Dosu started having a spaz attack from confusion. Tilly smiled.

"ALRIGHT, GET 'IM WHILE HE'S DOWN!" And she kicked him in the shin. Twice.

"I'M NOT A TEAPOT, DAMNIT! …WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ME SAY?!"

"And now, for the finishing blow, ultimate kekkei genkai confusion: TRANSFORM!" There was a moment of silence that weighed over them like a rain cloud, everyone's eyes were focused upon Tilly, or more over… what she had become. She opened her closed eyes, and smiled evilly, striking terror into the hearts all unfortunate enough to see it. Her transformation…?

"ORO!" Claud yelled, staring at Tilly, in her transformed state: Orochimaru. The real snake sannin paused and muttered.

"No, only two latent prodigies…" and then walked off, disappearing in a poof of smoke. He had seen quite enough stupidity for one day, and was going to do some complex human biology to obliterate the stupid germs he obtained from being around 'Team Freak'.

Dosu was in shock. In fact, he couldn't move to attack. There was a mental block, he just couldn't attack Orochimaru.

"Dammit, what's happening to me?! Why can't I…?"

"Because as I said… I USED THE ULTIMATE KEKKEI GENKAI OF CONFUSIONESS! FEAR IT!" Tilly yelled, running around in circles. Still Orochimaru, mind. The Third Hokage was in shock.

"…..oh dear……At this rate, we might be excluded out of the Chuunin exams…" Nat muttered regretfully. Almost on cue, the Third Hokage was beginning to hold his hand up when suddenly, while running, Tilly tripped over the loose tile that Nat and Kiba used and accidentally without any reason glomped the Third Hokage, which Claud had snapped a Polaroid of. She just found OroXSaru humour funny. Very funny. Tilly transformed back. "EW! OLD GUY GERMS!" Tilly was busy wiping herself up to realise the unified sweatdrops as Dosu was about to plunge three kunai in her head, leaping in the air. Tilly, still screaming with disgust, ducked and cried on the floor. Dosu, not seeing the…mishap…..threw the kunai in the direction of, now, the Third. The Third hurriedly deflected the kunai and declared Dosu a danger to Konoha, then took him away, thus disqualifying him. Nat and Claud were gawping out of disbelief and incredulity while Tilly looked around confusedly.

"eh?"

Hayate fell down with a sweatdrop whilst proclaiming Tilly the 'accidental' winner.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru, out of curiosity, had been watching the latter half of the match via his crystal ball. Right now, he felt like washing his eyes out with acid. Twice. And then sticking his head in a big inferno, thus killing himself. Never again, did he want to see Claud's Polaroid, nor anything related to him and the Third... Never again, was he going anywhere in his new disguise what with his student being a "danger to Konoha."

Alex's random section

MUAHAHA! THE POWER!! Tee-hee, section has the word "sex" in it.

…………………….

Oh wait…no, it doesn't. anyhoo….

Alex was randomly in the IT lab watching Naruto when suddenly….SOME FREAKY CRAP HAPPENED AND SHE GOT SUCKED INTO THE SCREEN!!

Mr Abbot, the IT teacher, was standing behind Alex and saw the whole thing, and stood there looking confused. "O-ho, I really should get round to banning that site…I've lost count of how many pupils have been sucked into it….no, wait" he said as he pulled out a microscopic calculator that he just bought over Ebay "muaha, they said I was crazy for buying this microscopic calculator…oh wait, no, that's 4 pupils now….anyhoo, I'm going off to tea in my giant microwave now" he said as he leapt gleefully into his giant microwave as a bunch of first years looked on with great confusion and smallness. And then an 6th former approached……."sorry, this is just what happens these days…so sad." She sniffed, and walked off.

Alex landed on the other side. She looked around. "…….FEKKING AWSOME!! Even though I've only watched 1 episode of Naruto, FEKKING AWSOME!!" coincidently she landed on Rock Lee…or maybe it was just a rock…who knows in these crazy times we live in. Or they lived in….oh god, nothing makes sense anymore!! "THE EYEBROWS!!!" she cried as she stomped on his face numerous times, she then pulled out that katana she'd hidden in the fourth-dimensional bodice that she was wearing…what, what? Anyway, just as she was about to start slashing at Rock Lee's mutilated corpse, a nurse walked in the room.

"LEEeeeeEEE! IT'S TIME FOR YOU SPONGE BA---" she looked mortified as the crazy blond girl grinned and asked where the "um…bathroom was because I'm late for a kendo session…yeah, that works…"The nurse ran out screaming and then fell over….and fell down the stairs….into a large pile of vases that just randomly happened to be there…even though they were on the ground floor.

THUS ENDETH ALEX'S SCENE…FOR NOW!!

OH WELL DONE, ALEX. You just spoiled the fanfic! Your humour isn't wanted here! Get out! Wait, the narrator shouldn't be saying this, in fact, this shouldn't be happening! …

Claud shoved a rather sizable bowel of ramen into her face. All at once. That was the fourth one, however, Tilly was on five. And still going strong. The three girls had been eating ramen at Ichiraku for the past hour, half hyper on their respective victories, or flukes, in two of the cases, half lamenting. They weren't going to have much fun in the next round.

"I guess we're going to need more than luck to win the next one…" Nat declared, stating the obvious which the other two already knew.

"Yeah, but we have a month to learn how to be REAL ninjas! AND I HAVE ORO! ORO I TELL YOU, ORO!" Claud affirmed, standing up making a triumphant pose. "Though I couldn't possibly imagine where he's gone… its almost like he… disappeared! FROM HORROR!"

"At… your retardedness?"

Orochimaru stared at the three of them from around the corner, perhaps there was, after all, some benefit in having them there. If only a very, very small amount.

**A.N. **

… **Yeah, you know that was a cliffy, even though you refuse to admit it. In fact, does anybody CARE about the cliffys in this? I doubt it… I mean, we're just doing this for our own amusement, not yours or anything-- … did I say too much?**

…**. REVIEW, MY… … … pretties. Or something. I don't care, just review! D:**


	4. Trainers and Ramen

**CHAPTAH FOURER! … Chapter four. Wow, that was fast, we started this what, 5 minutes after we finished the last one? Oh well. We only get 45 minutes a day, and we need to keep the thought train of stupidity while we have it. Heheh… banana…**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Your bill… 1000 quid."

"They have quid here?! AWESOME!!--- wait, we don't have 1000! We have… none! NONE!" Tilly screamed at the Ichiraku guy, who was backing away into his shop. "WE NO HAFF MONEY, YOU NO MAKE US PAY!" Claud and Nat shrinked back into their seats either side of Tilly, to frightened to try and intervene.

"Hey, stop killing my ramen supplier!" Naruto yelled, running on to the scene. Tilly turned around slowly, her eyes blazing, and with that, she placed her hands on Naruto's shoulders and screamed into his face.

"GIVE ME YOUR MONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"… eh?!" Naruto squeaked. Tilly further interrogated Naruto while Nat quietly paid the Ichiraku guy with her credit card which somehow was still in her pockets.

"Tilly."

"MONNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!"

"Tilly."

"monaymonaymonaymonaymonaymonay------oh wait, Nat's already paid the guy!"

Nat sweatdropped as she walked with Claud to the end of the street. "WWWAAAAIT FOR MEEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEE!" Tilly ran slow motion to the group, leaving Naruto standing in front of the ramen shop.

"So… got any seafood ramen left?"

"No, those three ate all the food. All of it."

Naruto's fist shook. "Nobody… steals… My… RAMEN!" and with that, he ran off after them, yelling his head off, scaring poor Neji who just happened to be walking down the street to the corner shop to buy some junk food. Bad Hyuuga.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

'Team Freak' stood in the middle of a clearing in Konoha's forest, sighing.

"So, we're actually going to train then?" Claud moaned. "I can't do it without Oro, gawd dammit!"

"Yeah, I need Kakashi! No, in a completely innocent I-wanna-train way."

"Yeah. Same with me with Oro. Kind of."

"Fine then, I'll train by myself, go ahead, find Orochimaru and Kakashi, and don't moan if they don't want to train either of you." There was a pause, as Tilly and Clauds' eyes watered.

"NAT IS SO CRUEWEL!" And they both ran off sobbing in a joking manner. Although slightly miffed at the possibility of neither Kakashi nor Orochimaru wanting to train them, which was currently seeming extremely likely. Kakashi still had the scars from their first encounter… and Orochimaru was presumed hiding from Claud. Nat was glaring at their backs, trying to blow them up with her laser vision, but that wasn't going so well.

"Idiots. They're both idiots! Hmph." She walked into the forest and began trying to control her force wave kekkei genkai. She put her hands on a tree and let out her chakra.

It exploded.

"Crap. Must control… must control…" She tried again on a different tree. It blew up AGAIN; but this time, she found something….or someone.

"Claud?! So you finally got yourself an Akatsuki cloak, eh…? Wait, weren't you just…?"

"... Claud? Who's Claud? yeah."

"oh, god. Deidara?!"

"Yeah, that's me, yeah. So who are you, mmm?"

"I'm the only sane person in my team called Nat….but that's not important. What I really want to know now is why the hell are you in a tree. Sorry, why the hell WERE you in a tree?"

"….I was studying clay. Yeah."

"In a tree?"

"…yes. In a tree. Yeah." Nat suddenly remembered that Deidara was a highly dangerous S-rank Akatsuki member and if she didn't think of something highly S-rank soon, she was gonna be obliterated by little clay birds exploding in her face.

"Why don't you get out now, yeah?"

"Ya know, I've heard rumours about you. Apparently, uh…um……_sranksranksranksrank……._Rabid fanfictioners…say….you like…….ZETSU AND KISAME!!!!!!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?! I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNEW I LIKED……" Nat nodded her head convincingly without knowing what the hell was going on. "……..what do I need to do to stop spreading that rumour, yeah?" Nat thought as quickly as she could.

"……Train me."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Claud slammed her foot down to the ground and moaned. "We've been looking for those two… for…. What, three hours now? How hard is it to find someone with deathly pale skin and snake eyes, and a guy wearing an almost full face mask? ITS NOT HARD!" Tilly groaned in agreement

"Well, clearly it is." The two girls whipped around and found themselves facing a contented Orochimaru, still in his Jounin disguise from the exam. "Oh, just so you know, I've been following you around for about 2 hours now. In fact, I haven't even bothered to conceal myself."

"YOU WERE STALKING US, OREO-SAMA?!"

"… for amusement." He grinned evilly.

"You sadistic bastard! We've been looking for you for 3 hours, dammit!"

"Yeah, I know. That's why it was funny."

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!" Claud attempted to tackle Orochimaru to the ground, but failed and bypassed him as he stepped to the side. "I feel owned and unhappy, and stop laughing at me!" she shook her fist at Oro. Tilly just giggled and looked happy. "Why are you so god damn happy?!"

"I just found this KakaSaku picture in my pocket! I CAN SELL IT! Sell it to Ino…" A perverted thought entered Tilly's head, but then it dissipated as she realised that both Claud and Orochimaru were staring at her. "… okay, okay. I won't sell it. I'll keep it and frame it, then give it to Sakura!" she pocketed the picture and sat down cross legged on the ground next to Claud, and poked her.

"So, you two will be needing some training for the next round… am I right?" the snake sannin crouched down and smiled again.

"Yes, YES OH YES!"

"Well you're not getting it from me." He grinned once more, obviously having fun tormenting the two of them. Or just Claud, Tilly was amusing herself.

"WHA?! BUT YOU SAID…! I'll get you for this later….!"

"Just kidding, I'll train you."

"…really?"

"No."

"DAMMIT!"

"…you are so gullible. So, how quickly would you be ready to leave?" Claud's eyes watered comically, and she stood up and made another silly pose.

"OH JOY, JOY OF JUBILATIONS, I'M GOING TO BE A PRODIGY! …and, I'll go whenever you need me, assuming that its soon." She made a peace sign then pointed at Tilly. "HA! I'll be trained and cool before you, and thinking about it, you'll have to train with Sauce-kay! Come, Oreo-sama! Let's go eat!" she grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him off.

"Wait, wha—?"

"Stop whining, sensei, its just you and me now! BWUA!"

"And Kabuto."

"GOD DAMMIT, FECK!" Tilly just sat there watching Claud pull poor Orochimaru off to the nearest ramen shop.

"Didn't we just… eat ramen?" she shrugged and stood up, looking around to see Kakashi walking around a corner. "Oh, good fortune… Claud, you shall not be cooler than me for as long as you think! KAKASHI! WAIT FOR ME!"

"I heard a voice… was it the wind…?" Kakashi turned around slowly. "NO!" and he found himself thoroughly glomped.

"Kakashi, trainmetrainmetrainmetrainmetrainme!"

"No, I'm late for meeting Sasuke!" Tilly gasped.

"BLATANT DISS!"

"… Alright, to test whether you are worthy or not of my training… READ MY ENTIRE ICHA ICHA BOOK WITHOUT BLUSHING!" Kakashi held out his porn book, and forced it upon Tilly.

"But that's child exploitation! But okay."

10 minutes later…

"I'm done!" Tilly grinned and handed the book back to Kakashi.

"But how, how is that…!?"

"NOW TRAIN ME, BITCH! Even if I have to put up with Sauce-kay for a month! TRAIN ME!"

"B-b-but… book reading… book…boo… booooooook……!" Kakashi looked thoroughly confused and started spinning around on the spot, as if entranced by a scary ultimate force… And he was, it was the Ultimate Kekkei Genkai of Confuzzletion. "BOOOO--!" however, he did not finished the word, for Tilly had grasped his arm and was dragging him off to train. Though she wasn't quite sure were that was.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"EAT, OREO, EAT!" Claud shoved another oversized chopstickful (or whatever...) of noodles into Orochimaru's face, narrowly avoiding his nose, and hitting in between his eyes, noodles flicking into them.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF--!"

"You said you couldn't eat anymore, but we have to do SOMETHING with the ramen, so I thought that attacking you with them would be a good start to my training!"

"This is assault, idiot! Not training!" He grabbed a napkin and started rubbing his eyes feverishly, moaning all the while. "Oh god, I need contacts… I can't see…"

"Oh, that's the acid in the ramen eating away at your eyeballs. Nothing to worry about! NOW, EAT! MORE!" and she once again, shoved a noodle laden chopstick in Orochimaru's direction, this time hitting the target of the mouth. A closed mouth however.

"You retarded little…!"

"AH! OREO'S GOING TO KILL ME! HELP ME, A SERIAL KILLER'S TRYING TO KILL AND RAPE MY CORPSE!" the rest of the restaurant turned around slowly to look at Claud, including Gai, who ran over to the scene rather promptly.

"You, sir! Let go of that fair young maiden! She is the friend of my student's brown haired love!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Tilly sneezed.

"Ah, well, if you're too ill to train…" Kakashi shrugged.

"Shut up and move or I'll get out the tazer again!"

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

And that was how it came to be, Orochimaru, and S-Ranked murderer, was sitting in a café force feeding himself with ramen along side one 12 year old, and a crazy guy in a green jump suit.

"I apologise for jumping to conclusions, but when I see a young maiden in distress, I can't help but try to rescue her from ye ill fate!" Gai began. "Say, do you have a boyfriend?" Claud blinked.

"NO, NO, GOD NO! I MEAN, YES, I DO HAVE A BOYFRIEND! He's … uh…" Claud spoke the first name that came to mind. "SARUTOBI! …uh, Asuma! Yeah, er… wait, no. Not Sarutobi! I mea—" Thankfully Orochimaru interrupted her before she embarrassed herself. With the only name that he new.

"Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke."

"YEAH! …wait, what!?" Claud's eyes widened.

"I see, so you're the reason why Sasuke won't get a girlfriend! I'll have to tell young miss Sakura and Ino!" Gai smiled and stood up. "Oh, allow me to pay for the troubles I have caused you on this springful day!" He put down a rather sizable wad of cash down on the table, and ran off. "GOOD BYE, MY DEARS!"

There was a moment of silence as Claud and Orochimaru turned to each other, it was Orochimaru who spoke first. "What… just happened?"

"As far as I'm concerned, we just got money!" Claud grabbed the pile of cash and started drooling. "And its all mine! Mine, ya hear?!"

"Actually, I'm the adult, that rather implies that I deserve the monery." He grabbed the money from her, and Claud started yelling in anguish.

"I WANNA CASH BACK!"

"No, its my money."

"MY WANNA CASH!"

"Piss off!"

"NO PROFANITY, OROCHIMARU-SAMA!" The restraunt turned around again, this time, Naruto had just walked in.

"…Orochimaru!? WHERE?!" the other onlookers muttered in agreement. Oro, in his disguise, looked confused, and remembered his appearance. He whipped to the left and pointed.

"LOOK, OVER THERE! HE TRANSFORMED INTO THAT OLD LADY! KILL HER!"

"Smooth, Sensei, smooth." Claud nodded her head in agreement to her statement, and then they legged it, in the opposite direction from the mob of angry Orochimaru haters, who were still beating up the old lady half an hour later. This was confirmed when Claud snuck back to retrieve the cash that Orochimaru had dropped.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So, don't you miss your homeworld at all?" Kakashi asked, climbing up the rock face we see him scaling when he's off to train Sasuke in the anime. Yay.

"No, not really. Lemme see… homework… no chakra… no Kakashi… Mr. Abbott… Actually, the only thing I really miss are KakaSaku fanfics, but I don't need those anymore! No, I can see them live! I can EXPERIENCE them live!"

"…um, I'm just going to continue with my ignorance as to what KakaSaku fanfics are. Yeah."

"Um, Kakashi-sensei, are you actually going to train me?"

"We ARE training, we're on a rock face, climbing to meet Sasuke!"

"But why are we meeting Saucekay? I don't wanna meet Saucekay!" She started shaking one of his arms, one essential to his next hand hold.

"HO MY GOD, I'M GONNA DIE! AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF SOME OTHERWORLDLY PORN DEMON!"

"I resent that! I am not otherworldly! In fact, I think I've adapted quite nicely!"

"And here I was thinking the 'porn demon' bit would be more insulting…"

"… nice to see that you've stopped falling off the cliff enough to insult me! Hay, can you see those two dust clouds in the distance? It looks like two people are trying to escape from Konoha as fast as possible! I wonder who they are…" Tilly had no idea how blissful her ignorance was, she didn't need to know the events that the two people had started. Because of them, a mob was forming lead by Naruto to scour Konoha for Orochimaru, a ramen shop had not been paid, an old lady was quivering in a hospital bed, and a supermarket was raided of its 'sugar section'.

"Ah, I can see the top! And a suspicious silhouette on the top! Oh joy! Its Sasuke!"

"SAUCEKAY!? WHERE!?" Tilly leapt on to Kakashi's back from the rock face, and started bouncing up and down, rather hindering his progress.

From atop the cliff, Sasuke was glancing down at them, trying to look hard, but failing. Tilly remarked on this as they clambered up on to the cliff top, and earned herself a less-than-successful death glare. In return for that, Tilly tried to push Sasuke off the cliff, but that wasn't going too well either. Kakashi was just watching them with a smile on his face. Especially considering a cat fight was starting right in front of him, and Sasuke was losing, after being slapped a full 10 times more than Tilly.

"I'm better than Saucekay, I'm better than Saucekay!"

"You're not god damn better than me!"

"Oooh, bring it on! Use the sharingan!"

"No."

"I dare yewwwwwww…. swirlyeyeswirlyeyeswirlyeyeswirlyeye swirlyeyeswirlyeye."

"Shut the hell up!"

"….swirlyeye"

"ARGH!" at this point Sasuke stalked off to mope behind the rock.

"Pfft, we don't need him anyway, do we, Kakashi?"

"That's Kakashi-sensei to you."

"Oh, okay then, Kakashi-_sensei… if that's the way you want it…" _

"Kakashi's fine. Absolutely fine. Anyway, considering you're both taking the second exam, both of you, demonstrate a kunai throwing technique!" Sasuke had at this point, emerged from the shadows, and threw a kunai at Tilly, with pin point accuracy. Unfortunately, Tilly had 'purchased' arm-shields earlier in an attempt to look more 'hard', and swung her arm up to scratch her head, thus deflecting the kunai.

"MY TUUURN!" Tilly twirled round and round in circles, and eventually let go of the kunai, which with a bit of luck, flew at Sasuke, who effortlessly dodged it.

"Okay… Show me your ninjutsu!" Kakashi declared.

"What's… 'neenjootzoo?" Tilly inquired, looking confused.

"… NIN-JUT-SU! The ninja arts."

"What exactly do the ninja arts… entail?"

"This may take a while…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

"RUN, OROCHIMARU-SAMA, THE MOB'S AFTER US!" Claud yelled in her sleep, worn out after a day of fleeing from a non existent mob, who hadn't actually been following them, but Orochimaru used it as an excuse for stamina training.

INTERVAL

Alex's Section

The strange blond-haired girl wondered around along the path having no idea where she was going, "Goddamnit, I knew I shouldn't have given up watching Naruto after the 1st episode!" She hung her head "but the voice-over were just so annoyyyyiiinnggggg". Suddenly, out of no-where, a random bunch of lumberjack bandits jumped at her from a bush.

"GIMME YOUR MONAAAAAYYY!!"

"GODDAMNIT, I HAVE NOH MONAAAAYYY!!"

"……….GIMME YOUR MONAAAAAAYYY!!!"

Many hours and confused deaf shouting later…

"……are you a ninja?"

"GIMME YOUR MONA---….eh?"

"…..seriously, are you a main character or a ninja or something?"

"NOH! I AM THE LEADER OF THE BANDIT BAND…..THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY LUMBERJACKS!! NOW I SHALL RAPE YOU!!"

"…well, yeah, you COULD do that.."

"Eh?"

"…but I'm a guy."

"EWWW!! NOHHHH THE GAYNESS!! NUUUuuuuUUU!" and thus, the band

of lumberjacks ran away, screaming.

"Hehehe, works every time…" Unfortunately for Alex, Sakura was also randomly hiding in a nearby bush and heard everything…

"Wow, what a strong ninja! To be able to use wit to defeat your opponents instead of violence!! ...man, I wish that I had wit…" Alex turned around and gave the bush a strange look.

"Did that bush just TALK?!" She raised her katana and started charging at the bush. "BEGONE, STRANGE TALKING BUSH-DEMON!!...wait, maybe I'm thinking of InuYasha…ho-well BEGONE, BUSH-DEMON!!" and with that, she started manically hacking at the bush….so, that's 2 main characters she's killed now?

END – P.S. Alex doesn't actually know that Sakura is indeed clever. She did some typos too. Alex shan't be going near this computer again in a looooooong time.

Claud moaned and rolled over, opening her eyes slowly. "I SEE… MOBS! MOBS I TELL YOU, MOBS!" she declared sitting up bolt upright to see Orochimaru … cooking. Yes, COOKING! Over a happy little log fire.

"…Before I train you, we are going to prevent snoring in the future."

"… I DO NOT SNORE!" She attempted to grab a flaming log to lob at him, however, it was just slightly too hot to touch, what with it being flaming and all. "My hand is owwy…"

"As one would expect after shoving their hand into a pile of burning logs."

"I bet Edward Elric could do it!"

"…Edward…. Elric?"

"He has a metal arm, which morphs at his own will, and the best bit is, he had this brother who's soul is sealed to this suit of armour, and I bet he's IMMORTAL!" Orochimaru's ears perked up at the mention of the word 'immortal'.

"So… where is this 'Edward' and his immortal brother?"

"Last time I saw them, they were dying. I didn't want to watch anymore so I turned off the computer screen! And that was all…"

"So close… so damn close!" Orochimaru glared at the fire. "Hey, do you eat burnt fish?"

"At school I do."

"Oh, good." He picked up a fish and shoved it at Claud, and hit her in the eye. "That's for the acid ramen you tried to kill me with yesterday!"

"OH GOD, OWNED BY A FISH! HOW EMBARASSING! Oh well." She picked up the fish from the floor, and shoved it into her mouth. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS BURNT!"

"Well, it was quite obviously implied."

"Hello! Since when did you forget that I'm stupid? If we had two sarcastic characters in our team, then it would be boring, and if we had three stupid ones, it would still be boring so if we have two stupid characters and one boring one, then they equally balance each other out, even though Tilly isn't really as stupid as she's pretending to be!"

"And you analyzed that by your self…?"

"I rehearsed it earlier, but dude, totally." She stood up and made another silly pose. "BECAUSE I AM A GENIOUS! SO SMART I CAN'T SPELL THE WORD RIGHT!"

"Even with a dictionary…?"

"Yes, even with a dictionary." There was a moment of silence as they ate. Claud finished rather quickly, so she stole Orochimaru's and ate it, much to his annoyance. "Oh, hey. Are you going to make me stronger, or are we like, just going to be a comic duo with no relevance to anything?"

"I'd prefer it to be the former, so that's what's going to happen. Seeing as you ate my fish, you shall work twice as hard, and I shall be twice as lazy, making there a four-times-as relationship between us. Happy?"

"That sounds like… something I would say."

"Oh god, I'm being influenced."

"YUR BRAIN, YUR BRAIN!"

"MAH BRAIN, MAH BRAIN! …oh god, no!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So basically… neejootzoo are… like… if I had a pie, and I wanted to cook it, I would be like 'NEENJOOTZOO POWERZ' and then it would be cooked, right? Coincidentally, I have this pie right here!"

"Uh… I guess so. But um… maybe you should try any unsupervised handseals…"

"Oh don't worry, you're here, that's sufficient!" and Tilly made the three hand signs she knew five times over, pointed at the pie and yelled "POWERZ, COOKER THIS PIE!" nothing happened. "POWERZ!" Sasuke laughed evilly.

"You think that you could do something so tricky as to properly cook a pie with mere ninjutsu? That requires months of training in the kitchen! Even I can't do it… Itachi can't do it… But perhaps Orochimaru can do it… yeah, he looked like the cooking type." Tilly stared at Sasuke ranting on about pie and Orochimaru.

"Yeah, WELL COOK THIS!" and she did her seal sequence. By a strange bit of coincidence, one of the seals she knew was for fire techniques…. And the jutsu completed… perfectly. The fire hurtled towards the solitary pie, burning up all in its path, eventually encompassing the pie in a mass of heat, making the pastry nice and crispy, and the beef inside nice and warm. "Mmm… pie."

"You… can cook pies!? HOW?!" Sasuke yelled, drooling slightly.

Tilly produced that handy spoon she just happens to carry around, when she noticed Kakashi looking rather forlorn.

"'Sup, Kaka?"

"…Kakashi….loves….pie…."

"Do you want to…enjoy pie together?"

"…Kakashi would like that."

"…how old are you, Tilly?" Sasuke asked, suspicious as hell.

"14. Which is two numbers after your age. But my Gaia Online profile says I'm 6!"

"KAKASHI… PIE NOW?!"

"Yes, Kakashi, all in good time."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey, Naruto… want some … micro-dots?" Shino asked, obviously more shifty than normal.

"Are micro-dots like… ramen?"

"Or how about… some Valium? Or how about Wash? Or some Charlie?"

"…eh?"

"They're like… mini-ramens… they make you feel happy!"

"Oh, like that weed I found?"

"Just like that weed you found!"

"COOL!" Naruto grabbed all the drugs Shino was offering and ran off. "NOW I CAN BE HAPPY LIKE WHEN I ATE THAT MINT!"

"…Mint? Haven't heard of that one…" Shino muttered before walking off. Then it came to him. "Wait a second, Mint's not a drug! … oh god, Naruto on drugs… what have I done?!" He bashed his head against the wall, scaring Neji again, who was walking by. Yep, you guessed it, to buy junk food. …Bad Hyuuga. Bitch slap.

**A.N. Well, that ended a slightly longer chapter fourer. Now… ON TO CHAPTER FIVER, I still have a whole lunch break to kill. Yayerz.**


	5. Spleen Problems

-sigh- We regret to announce that… Chapter Fiver died shortly before it was updated… Whilst we understand that it may have meant a lot to you, perhaps it was the beacon of light in your day, … IT MEANT MORE TO US, DAMN YOU! DO YOU KNOW HOW BLOODY LONG IT TOOK TO TYPE THE DAMN THING!? DO YOU KNOW HOW BORED WE WERE EXCHANGING USB KEYS AT SPECIFIC, NON DESCRIPT RENDEVOUS POINTS?! AND ITS NOT MY FAULT I LOST MY USB KEY! …Hey, stop glaring at me, I thought you didn't care… but if it DID mean a lot to you… -sniffle- It means a lot to me… -backs away and runs away screaming- DON'T KILL ME, READERS, HOWEVER FEW OF YOU THERE ARE!

THUS WE PRESENT, CHAPTAR FIVERER. Not fiver, fiver is dead. SO ITS FIVERER NOW, BITCHES!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

We… have forgotten what we typed last time so…we have no idea what to type… Damn.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat had finally managed to control her chakra although it was only in a few trees in a wasteland. After all, it had ONCE been a forest. Deidara, for fear of spoiling his dignity had trained her until she was actually athletic and she could perfectly control her senbon technique. Her force bloodline limit, was however, a different matter.

A piece of bark shot into Deidara's eye. "OW, YEAH! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR, HMM?" Nat slowly looked in Deidara's general direction.

"Oh. Sorry." She continued training.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH YOUR PRICELESS MASTER, YEAH?!" Deidara was clutching his reddened eye, glaring at the piece of bark lying dejected on the floor.

"What master…….o…..right." She spotted the bark and came over. "But WAIT! Aren't you an S-Class Akatsuki member that can do anything with his OR HER powers at will?"

"……..Oh, just shut up. Now fix my eye!"

"I'm a worthless Gennin. You're a missing-nin from the Earth country. Shouldn't you be able to heal your eye, Mr Expert?" she trilled. Deidara's nerves blew and he charged for Nat rather obviously. However, Nat saw the 'attack' and stepped aside for Deidara to charge into the tree that was filled with her force chakra.

Boom.

"DAMN YOU, APPRENTICE!"

Nat sighed. He looked like Claud, and acted like her.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Claud stood in the entrance to the Sound, looking over the four assembled in front of her. Jiroubou, Kidoumaru, Tayuya and Sakon. They looked rather a miserable lot, one would suppose they knew that, but they just refused to do anything about it

"So basically, Orochimaru, you hired a freak circus to do your dirty work for you?"

"…If that's how you choose to see it. Which I do, then yes."

"COOL! DANCE, FREAKS, DANCE!" Claud started clapping her hands and hopping on one foot, occasionally jumping over to one of them and poking their forlorn looking faces. She stopped after about two minutes of that, and sighed. "I always thought that freaks were cool, and fun, but alack, for I was wrong… You're all BORING. Dead boring." Tayuya twitched.

"WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY, YOU BITCH!?"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING BITCH, BIATCH?!" came Claud's retort. Jiroubou turned to Kidoumaru.

"What's the difference between a 'bitch' and a 'biatch'?"

"I don't think there is one." They both turned back to watch Claud and Tayuya as they tried to slap each other to death. Neither was getting very far, really, mainly because they hadn't noticed that Oro had buunshined and was restraining them both.

"As funny as it is to watch cat fights, I'd rather we refrained from one now. Especially since Claud is inhumanely tall and hence has a rather large advantage on our local midget." He patted Tayuya on the head.

"IF YOU WEREN'T SUPER POWERED, I'D RIP YOUR THROAT OUT, OROCHIMARU-SAMA!"

"Peace, Tayuya…" Jiroubou started.

"Piss off, fatass!" Claud and Tayuya both yelled at the same time.

"You… you share my views on Jiroubou?"

"Oh, naturally…" There was a flowers in air moment, as they realised that … they really could get on quite well, scarily enough. But when I say 'quite well' I mean as friends… anything more would be… ew… No Yuri here, people!

"Hey, where do I sleep, eat and shower?"

"You sleep … I dunno, you can have the room we were going to give Sasuke. You eat… Steal some of Jiroubou's food, think of it as training… and… showering… humm…"

"CAN I USE YOUR SHOWER, OREO-SENSEI!?"

"…providing I am no where near it, yes."

"…if you're in it at the same time, does it still count as you being 'near' it…? 'Near' is a specific word you see, as well as being the name of some dude from Death Note…" Claud found herself in a very painful wrist lock. "Okay, FINE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NEAR/IN THE SHOWER IN THE INSTANCE OF MY USING IT!"

"No surveillance equipment either."

"DAMMIT, FOILED AGAIN!" Tayuya poked Claud and led her around the corner.

"Kabuto might help you out on that… 'surveillance' mission aka spying on Orochimaru-sama in the shower… and if you get caught, hey, its just like spy training. But the prize is much, much better than a mere 'mission completed' sticker on a report filed in a cabinet only to be forgotten about… right?" The red head grinned at the end of it and giggled. "Besides, I've wanted to try something like that for a while!" She hi-5ved Claud, and they ran back around the corner, failing to notice Oro's little chip-that-hears-everything-reporting-back-to-his-earpiece-that-was-mysteriously-on-his-ear stuck on Claud's top from when he was restraining her.

"HELLO AGAIN, OREO-SAMA!"

"…where did you go?" He tried to sound unknowing, and totally unaware of their plot. _If it's a war you want… it's a god damn war you'll get! _

"We went to… think about surveillance."

"Yeah, what Claud said."

"ITS CLOOD-SAMA! CALL ME NOTHING ELSE, TAY!"

"…only if you call me… MASTER TAY!"

"Okay!" They hi-5ved again. "Hey, Sakon's been really, really quiet!"

"I think he's standing up and sleeping at the time…" However, this was not the case, Sakon was just forlorn, like everyone else who had realised what would come of living with Claud. Some were just stupid, like Orochimaru, who allowed to happen, and her retardedness to flourish, some were scared of her, and others were like Sakon, who were so easily depressed that the mere thought of someone like Claud could trigger off months of solid, unbroken depression. Like her appearance did.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So…you're 14….and you _like-like_ someone who's 27?" Sasuke asked, incredulously raising an eyebrow, with a swishy purple/black aura swirling around him.

"Look who's talking! You're a 12 year old planning to run away with a 50 year old snake obsessive who will probably masturbate you!" Tilly yelled back, equally annoyed, angered, and also slightly hungry.

Kakashi sighed, and finished the rest of the pie. They'd been arguing for 5 hours.

"AND YOU!" She swivelled around and glared at Kakashi, now thoroughly in a bad mood, "DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S RUDE TO FINISH A PIE AND THEN SIGH LIKE YOU DIDN'T ENJOY IT?" Tilly produced another pie and quickly cooked it with her fire technique, astonishing Sasuke once again, "EAT THIS PIE LIKE YOU MEAN IT, DAMNIT!"

"…B-B-But… I'm full!"

"Don't you give me that, young man! FINISH THAT PIE! LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"

"Just eat the pie, Kakashi…"

"Its Kakashi-sensei to you, Sauce-kay!" Tilly glared at him, looking like she was going to bite his hand off. Not to mention other parts.

"Kakashi … she's looking at me funny again…"

"Maybe you should start adding the 'sensei' now…" he pointed at Tilly, who was… stomping around in little circles. "Before she blows up." Tilly was going to charge at Sasuke and eat him, but she spotted something… else… A SHOELACE! Sasuke's shoelace. Even though he doesn't wear shoes which have laces. She still spotted it, and was distracting enough for her not to try and eat the poor Uchiha who was quivering slightly. Not even Orochimaru was that scary.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"OMGS THAT SHINO STUFF WAS GOOD! Har, banana… but its not a banana… its an orange, but it pretends to be a banana because it's a secret vegetable, lolz!" Naruto swayed around, his eyes wide. "OMG, THAT BANANA TALKED TO ME! ITS LIKE NOT A BANANA! I ALREADY SAID THAT! WOO! CARROT!" Sakura stared incredulously at Naruto who had been doing that for three hours straight.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Deidara looked at Nat strangely as they moved onto another forest. "Say, about the other people in your team, yeah….I know they're insane, but are they as good as you, yeah...?" A senbon hit him in the forehead, accompanied with a flame that singed his hair. "Ok, Ok, Ok………so no, yeah?"

"….They're too insane to have any talent whatsoever. And I'm not even sure what Tilly's bloodline limit actually IS. Claud's one is pretty good though. Where ARE they anyway?"

"HEY! DON'T THROW SENBON AT ME, YEAH!" Deidara screamed.

"That wasn't me." And for once Nat hadn't released her fury on Deidara's forehead, for there was a kunai with a note tied to it with green ribbon. "What the…..Hey Deidara, look at---" Deidara darted behind a tree and sobbed.

The reason why Nat had stopped mid-sentence awkwardly was that Tilly, Kakashi and Sasuke was in sight a few metres but it appeared that they had got no note yet. "TILLY---"

"SAMA!"

"WHATEVER! HOW'S YOUR TRAINING BEEN GOING!"

"SASUKE WON'T SAY 'SENSEI----"

"You don't say it either."

"Oh yeah. Hey, what's that? A Barbie?" Kakashi caught the kunai without hesitation and was about to read the note. Nat had quickly skimmed it and had eyes as wide as ladles. "NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" She jumped slow-motion towards Kakashi and snatched the note from him.

"Well, at least you have SOME agility, unlike your friend."

There was an eruption of voices; violent agreement from Sasuke, a protesting from Tilly (saying that it was not her fault that due to the overeating of pies, she couldn't jump over a low bush) and from Nat, who was trying to lead Tilly away from the rest.

"Tilly."

"NUUUU!"

"Tilly. Read. The. Bloody. Letter."

"It's from Clood!"

"Yes, I know."

" 'Dear friends, I am with Oreo-sama and am looking for you guys to join me in the Konoha------" Tilly said at the top of her voice.

"NOT BLOODY ALOUD!"

"Calm down, Nat……'---Destruction.' " Tilly continued.

"WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ME SAYING THIS!" Nat shouted futilely.

Kakashi and Sasuke were trying to hear what the pair were saying. Sorry, shouting at the top of their voices.

"….Did that thing just say 'Oreo-sama' and 'Konoha' in the same sentence?!"

"Shame, Sasuke. I thought you knew by now not to listen to her."

"Yeah. Sorry."

Nat had by now snatched both letters and was whispering the rest to Tilly. " 'We are in the Sound Village duh. There's a huge cave thing that's next to another huge cave and is between the two caves with moss on. Oh wait, every cave has it. No matter, I shall meet you outside the Sound Village in a few days. Oh right, it takes a week to get to the Sound from Konoha. Oh well. No matter-----_Sorry, Nat and ….Tilly….., Claud has some…business…to do. The rest of this letter will be written by I, Orochimaru. I hate you all---OH CRAP! Just come to the Sound or you will die since I will die from Claud ….'nya'ing me. Please. Make a difference to life here in the Sound. Please save us all with your fangirlish tendencies and over-frequent seriousness. Please._

_Orochimaru, Snake San_ NO SAMA! ME, CLOOD SAMA! _…I forgot about you._ But……the letters! _You were going to entertain Jiroubou and thus train! _Oh…right.

The letter ended.

Nat raised her eyebrow. "They make…quite a pair. I wonder if they're starting to influence each other….."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo –The Cave.

Jiroubou looked at the pair emotionlessly. "So how is a crappily-made puppet show supposed to 'entertain' me? Orochimaru-sama, your falsetto voice and cackling really doesn't suit you too……."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Konoha.

"….and that is the reason why I have to go to the border. I… er… Met a one legged fish and it told me to go there to… find his fishy bretheren so that I mayst… eat them and become a… one legged fish as well." Kakashi arched his eyebrow at Nat, who was sweatdropping. "WE LEAVE … IN TEN MINUTES!"

"But, what about Kaka?" Tilly moaned. "I can't go without him, it--" she was cut off as another random kunai with a note attached descended from the sky. Nat walked over to it and read the message under her breath.

"Okay, screw that. I'll meet you halfway at the valley of the end. I don't know why, but I find that quite funny. Yeah, so… three days, my dears, THREE DAYS! Not 7, 7's too long, and we have not much time till the next round…So. Yep. Is good." There was a pause. "Hey, Kakashi, how long does it take to get to the Valley of the End if we don't kill ourselves from lack of stamina?"

"4 days. Why…?"

"DAMN YOU, CLAUD! COME, TILLY!" Nat grabbed Tilly and yanked her off by the arm, cursing.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"I think… I broke my spleen…" Claud moaned, rolling around on the floor in Orochimaru's dojo. He walked over and poked her with a kendo stick.

"Its impossible to break a spleen, hence your statement is false. Thus, you are fine."

"NO, MY SPLEEN IS IN AGONY, GOD DAMN IT!" She had been training for three hours straight, and was rather obsessed with the theory that her spleen had broken 2 hours ago when Sakon thwacked her. She didn't even know where her spleen was, so she just went along with it being broken. Actually, it had been breaking everyday whenever someone as much as got near her, thus making it rather hard for any improvement to be made. Though she could now successfully hit something with a kunai, which was rather scary.

"GET THE HELL UP, KID!" Orochimaru thwacked her with the kendo stick, getting more and more impatient.

"MY SPLEEN, OH GOD, MY SPLEEN!"

"Your spleen is not broken, and you are fine, now get up and do something for once!"

"THE LIGHT IS FADING, OH GOD, IS THAT JEBUS?!" He hit her again slightly harder. "BUT WHY, WHY DO THEY TORTURE AND BERATE MY CORPSE?!"

"You're still alive, you retard!"

"NOOOOO! They're hurting me, JEBUS!" She started rolling around on the floor, trying everything in her power to stop with the training.

"…"

"ARGH, NO! JEBUS! WHY, I SHOULDN'T GO TO HELL! NOOOO!" She did a violent pencil roll and then sat up upright and stared at Orochimaru. "They hurt me, sensei… I think my brain… its…"

"ARGH, FINE! You don't have to train for a few minutes." He twitched then walked off leaving Claud to giggle at her own acting 'skills'. Kidoumaru had been standing in the door way and was slightly ... confused.

"Uhm… Clood-?"

"ARGH, MY SPLEE—O, hi, MEH SPIDAH!" She waved. "Don't worry, my spleen or whatever it is… is absolutely fine. I think, I don't know… Oreo-Sama might have broken it without knowing though… he's evil like that."

"Aren't you meant to be the leader of the Sound troops in the Konoha invasion?" He sat down besides Claud who was poking her stomach region, trying to work out where her spleen was, and whether it was ok.

"Eh? Oh, that… yeah, I am, believe it!" Claud stood up and walked off, attempting to avoid another 'responsibility discussion' with the intelligent people. Kidoumaru sighed and followed.

"Shouldn't you start acting like a commander… just slightly more authoritative? You know, show a small interest in serious matters?"

"…Interest? What is this 'interest' that you speak of?"

"Well at least get to know some of your troops! Like that Nagi guy, he's not half bad, if slightly annoying… I guess he's kinda like you… Claud, are you even listening to me?"

"Wha? Oh… who's Nagi?"

"He's one of the Sound shinobi… probably at your current level which is what… advanced gennin?" Claud nodded in response. They turned another corner, and found themselves in front of the kitchen, where a calendar was hanging up. Claud walked over to it and she slapped her head.

"DAMMIT, I'M MEANT TO BE AT THE VALLEY OF THE END IN 5 HOURS! I'M SCREWED! That must have been why Oreo let me off training… He was leaving without me! Argh, that bastard! Now how do I get there? Everyone I know is busy doing some random crap… and Kabuto's not even here…"

"Yes, this is why I say you should get to know some of the OTHER people here…" Kidoumaru arched his eyebrow and walked over to the table, where there was a rather juicy looking apple standing unguarded.

"Hey, what were you saying about the Nagi dude?" she glared at the poor spider man, who was about to take a bite of the apple. "That's MY apple, by the way."

"Your apple? I thought fruit was a free for all?"

"Yeah, BUT I WANT IT!" She slapped him, grabbed the apple and ran off laughing maniacally, shouting back at him. "HAR, YOU'LL NEVER CATCH MEH NOW, I AM SPEED, I AM HASTE, I AM--" she crashed into a random shinobi innocently walking to the dojo, and they both fell to the floor as a result. "Oh god… I think I hurt my spleen again… hey, is that how you treat your superiors?!" She pointed at the poor guy who blinked back at her and looked pensive.

"Superior? … oh, you're that Clood girl… The one that Sakon's been boycotting…?"

"The one and only! NOW, SPEAK, QUEL EST VOTRE NOM!?" There was a moment of silence. "…what is your name…? That was French by the way, not that you'd know what France is…" she grinned, but was distracted by his haircut. It was … all spiky and over one eye… not unlike an emo fringe, but it was spiky at the back aswell… similar to Sakon's hair, but with black highlights in the bottom half, contrasting against the silvery blue of his natural hair. In fact, Claud was rather fond of his hair. She was going to have to poke it later to see if it was alive.

"The name's Yamaya Na--"

"Great! You'll do, now, Nagi, show me the way to the Valley of the End!"

"But I didn't finish telling you my name! How did you know it was Nagi anyway…? It could have been… Nayuko, that's like a girls name but whatever, or something random li--" once again, he didn't get to finish what he was saying, for Claud was dragging him off to the leave at a rather brisk pace. "GODDAMMIT, SLOW DOWN! O god, I think my arm's going to come off…"

"Silence, fool! I am your master now!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat leaned against a tree and looked generally discontented, looking out over the valley of the end from her vantage point on a cliff.

"So Claud is late. Big surprise there, eh?"

"We were an hour late, too!" Tilly protested, quite unsure as to why she was defending poor Clauds, who was maniacally trying to hurry to their location as they spoke.

"Yes, so that makes Claud 2 hours late."

"…she sucks."

"Hey there!" Oro dropped from a tree.

"OMG, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH CLAUD?" Tilly waved her arms around in the air energetically.

"Last time I saw her, she was rolling around on the floor, moaning about a broken spleen. I don't think she had remembered about this…"

"…just like her." Nat 'hmph'ed and patted Tilly on the head, in an attempt to calm her down slightly. "What did you want to discuss?"

"The Destruction of Konoha."

"OMGS, KAKASHI NO DIE!"

"…Yes, Kakashi die."

"NONO KAKASHI DIE DIE!" Nat thwacked her.

"I don't think she wants Kakashi to die."

"Yes, I'd picked up on that." Oro shrugged and sat down cross legged on the floor, and opened a mysterious box… out of it came something so horrific, it was awful… a half eaten dango. "Who… ate the rest of my dango!?"

"My money's on Claud… but seriously, why did you leave her behind? How can we trust you that she's still alive and you're telling the truth? What are you scheming now…?" Nat assumed a defensive position.

"I left her behind because… she was annoying. … You can't really trust me to be telling the truth… and I'm scheming the Destruction of Konoha, any more questions?" He looked contented with his overly un-informing answer and ate the rest of the dango sourly, muttering angrily.

"Dammit, Orochimaru, can't you be helpful for once?"

"That goes against my nature. Anymore questions that I'll answer if I feel like it?"

"…why do you need us to help with the destruction of Konoha? I mean, don't you have legions of awesome ninjas who worship you as god?" Tilly asked, perhaps being slightly smarter than normal.

"Well I was thinking that we could have Claud as the leader of the Sound troops, Tilly as the sand commander, and you, Nat… you can… I don't know, kill some ANBU or whatever." He looked sour again, and stared at his empty dango box. _But which of you three will betray me fir---_

"HEYA, GUYS, SOZZLES ABOUT MY TRULY AWFUL LATENESS! Nagi was moaning about his arm being brutally ripped from his arm socket, so we had to stop and make sure it was still in tact. Which it wasn't. So then we had to find some random doctor at the random village we passed. Then we threatened to torture his family if he didn't do anything, so he hooked us up with some random dude who was a medical nin and he was like 'your arm is dislocated' and we were like 'we knew that, dude' and he was like 'lol' and then we were like 'FIX IT OR WE TORTURE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS' and he was like O.o and then he fixed Nagi's arm, and then we came here rather promptly." And of course, it was Claud. Sitting on Orochimaru's back, giggling. Nagi was standing behind her, being generally exhausted and unhappy. Tilly was staring at Nagi's hair, Nat was also staring at Nagi's hair. And then Claud poked Nagi's hair, and it didn't do anything.

"It's… not alive."

"Oh, good."

**A.N.**

**We… make these things too long. Oh, if you're wondering why Oro was doing a falsetto laugh somewhere in there, Claud had been trying to bite him for three hours straight, and he was losing it. Just slightly.**

**READ AND REVIEW OR WE TORTURE YOUR FAMILIES, DAMMIT! **


	6. Yak, the crap kuchiyose!

**A.N. Groog. –is too lazy to write more-**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Nice to see you again, is your spleen okay yet?" Oro glanced up at Claud and she looked confused.

"What's a … 'spleen'? … OH! RIGHT! … OH GOD, MY SPLEEN! THE PAINTHEPAINTHEPAIN!" She lept of Oro's back and started rolling around on the floor again. Nagi looked pensive.

"Seriously, what IS a spleen?"

"MY SPLEEN MY SPLEEN MY SPLEEN!"

"YOUR SPLEEN YOUR SPLEEN YOUR SPLEEN!" Nagi joined her on rolling around, thus making two idiots.

"Oh, joy! Nagi's an idiot, too! Now I can be semi-intelligent because then we won't have a lack of stupid people!" Tilly made a peace sign.

"…I swear he's not normally like that…" Orochimaru sweat dropped. "I'm sure that girl gives off this kind of… weirdness vapour which infects everyone's brain… even me!" He shuddered and recalled an instance of insanity which surpassed that of normal levels.

"OUR SPLEEEEENS!"

"You were okay before… right?"

"SPLEENS, O GOD! SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEENS!" Oro twitched.

"Okay, if you ignore me one more time…"

"SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--- …." The two of them got up. "….eens." They both found themselves dangling off the cliff that they were handily 5 meters away from.

"Are the spleens still hurting?"

"…No, it stopped when you kicked me."

"But I didn't kick you…"

"CHILD ABUSER, CHILD ABUSER!" Tilly leapt at Oro, screaming. For one moment, the snake sannin thought it was … Gai. But no, Tilly was not Gai, Gai was chatting up some random ANBU person who just happened to be in the vicinity whilst Neji walked by, to buy some junk food. Bad Hyuuga. Two bitch slaps.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"…where did Tilly go? Its like some random crazy guy ripped a hole in something or rather and now there's nothing there so its boring…" Kakashi was unhappy.

"…You actually miss her? She's psychotic, scary and… Tilly." Sasuke looked disgruntled. He was very unhappy. Not as unhappy as when his family was killed by one of the people he loved the most. But he was still very unhappy, although he wasn't quite sure why, perhaps it was Tilly and her Kakashi obsession, perhaps it was Itachi. Again. Or maybe it was because he was seriously contemplating going to Oro, well whatever, none of them are great causes of worry….

"…Yeah, I miss her. She's like… all funny and…. Yeah. Something like that."

"Mmm."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Oro was scared. For the first time in his life, he was absolutely terrified. Claud had teamed up with Tilly, and together they had tied him to a tree. He could have resisted and killed them both, but they were just too… unkillable and nice.

"What are you people going to do to me!?" Claud and Tilly made bunshins, and they all started hopping around Oro on one foot, repeating the word 'chaka' many times over being all threatening.

"…Are you going to stand there and watch, Nagi, or are you actually going to do something!?" Oro snapped at the poor boy who was looking pensive. That was all he seemed to do… Look pensive. Although he wasn't really thinking about anything of relevance at all, he never was. He was thinking of crap.

"…I'll do something, Sir!" He also made bunshins and started hopping around the tree, chanting, with Claud and Tilly.

"…Hey, Claud, if you keep at this, you lose all right to command the sound troops in the invasion!" The three of them stopped hopping, and Claud on the verge of a fit of giggles, untied poor Orochimaru, who was brushing himself off. "Right. We probably should go into more detail regarding everyone's jobs during the invasion…" Nat, for the first time, payed attention. They weren't worth it before. Claud sat down and pretended to be listening, Tilly joined Claud unsure as to what was going on, and Nagi poked Tilly. "First of all… Tilly, you'll be leading the Sand troops as I sa--"

"…Isn't letting Tilly be in charge a bit…?" Nat questioned.

"She'll manage. Tilly, you'll be in Konoha with Kakashi throughout the exam, but after your match which I will ensure to be one of the first, make your way outside of Konoha and meet up with the sand guys who'll be looking for you."

"So I fight like hell, leave the arena, talk to the guys, and fight like hell again?"

"…Simply speaking, yes. Clauds… you're obviously the leader of the Sound. Which means after your fight you have to go immediately to your troops. Aka _no_ talking to people."

"BUT THAT'S ANTI SOCIAL!"

"…so is killing everyone in sight. Which is what you have to do."

"YAY! ANTISOCIALISM AND CONTRADICTIONS! …wait a sec, sensei… Why is an evil badass like you letting three genin who you only just met take charge of your lifelong goal?"

"…because I felt like it." _And people will follow you…_

"He likes us, lolorz!" Claud giggled and looked generally happy, doing a mini dance from her sitting position. Nat glared at her and thwacked her with a fluid motion. "…but he likes me more than you, and that's why your jealous. BUT YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!" That earned a shudder from Nat.

"I like Kakashi!" Tilly stated happily, drawing them all further from the actual topic.

"Yes, we've worked that one out." Nat, once again, glared and thwacked Tilly, the three of them turning their attention back to Oro.

"Once you've found everyone, get them organised into two main groups, one to head into the centre of Konoha to the stadium, where most of the ninja will be congregated, whilst the other will go around on a random killing spree. You can go with whatever, but I'd say the stadium group would be better."

"BECAUSE YOU'LL BE THERE! FIGHTING THE HOKAGE!" Oro looked slightly alarmed, still under the impression that she had worked that out all by herself. Nat, once again, was forced to thwack Claud and Tilly. Though Tilly didn't really deserve it. Neither of them ever really, truly deserve it…

"…partially because of that, yes, it also allows for a quick retreat should anything go wrong."

"So… what do I do?" Nat asked.

"…Stand there and be cynical. Kill ANBU, do whatever you want."

"OKAY, Let's go back to our respective trainers, change into some clothes more awesome than our current attire…" Tilly glanced down at her tattered jeans and t-shirt. "Yeah… maybe I should get something more ninja-ish…" She then glanced at Clauds who had gotten herself a rather nice long, blue trench coat, buttoned down to just under her waist, flowing down the back in a rather nice … flowy effect. Tilly gawked at her proper clothing. Particularly at her slightly above the knee black boots which were just plain cool. Because they were. Her nice black shorts were… shorts and there isn't really much else to say… save for the black ARM SOCKERZ! LUL!

"STOP GAWKING AT MY PROPER CLOTHING!"

"…sorry, Clood…hey, where did you get that stuff anyway?"

"Some random place…now I think about it, the shop assistant looked suspiciously like Alex…"

"Heezers, I must go get clothes, too…" Tilly rubbed her hands together, looked malicious and stood up, tripping over Nagi who had been staring absently into the distance for the past while as she walked in his general direction. Nat sighed, and turned to Orochimaru, who was being verbally harassed by Claud.

"So… is that really everything, then?"

"So it would seem—get off my back, Claud! DAMMIT!" Oro fell to the floor with Claud sitting on him, singing stridently on top of him.

"…I guess it would be futile to ask you to reveal what you've been learning this past week, then, Claud?" Nat asked, not overly hopeful, in fact, she wasn't expecting Claud to have learnt anything.

" 'Course I have!" Claud exclaimed gleefully whilst bouncing up and down a little, further squishing her poor, poor sensei. "I learnt tons of stuff… but I'm not too good at the kuchiyose… whenever I try it, well, firstly it takes me ages to actually draw blood out of mon thumb… and when I actually do the technique… well… I'll show you…"

"NO, DON'T DO IT!" Oro yelled, in his vain attempt to stop her before she could finish… but alack, he was too late, for Claud had already placed her hand on the ground, and completed the technique… In the place of a snake was… a snake, but it was florescent orange with green spots on it and was half a foot long. Orochimaru stared at it and then slowly began to speak.

"It's… it's a monster… I try to stop her from doing it in public, but…" he stopped mid sentence and didn't bother to continue. Nat was staring incredulously at the thing.

"That's… really quite cool. Despite it being a freak of nature…" She crouched down and poked the snake.

"Don't poke me, idiot!" the snake hissed, glaring at Nat from its deep blue eyes.

"Well, the talking aspect is new… The last few times her summon has looked liked something, its always said 'woof', and nothing else…." Oro remarked, still staring at the 'thing' scolding Nat. Tilly was giggling at it, and Claud was attempting to communicate with her summon.

"ME CLOOD. U NAME?!"

"…I don't take well to being patronized, girl… "

"…but you're half a foot long, its hard not to patronize mini, florescent snakies… IS SO CUTE, IS SO CUTE! Here, have a tiara!" She smiled and took out a tiara from her pocket and placed it affectionally on its head. "I DUB THEE …what will we call it?" Tilly pondered this.

"…Yak."

"Yak!" Claud patted Yak on the head, who was glaring up at her.

"…Yak?"

"YES, YAK!" She picked it up and placed it on her head, giggling all the while. Oro was still staring at the thing, Nagi was still staring into space, even after being tripped over, Tilly was humming a tune, saying something that sounded like 'B, B, B, A FLAT MAJOR, B B B B C MINOOOOR!' …she does that rather a lot. She's doing it right now, in fact…

"For god's sake, remove me from your head!" Yak exclaimed, however, Claud had already started on the way back to the sound, with Oro walking behind. They'd forgotten Nagi, who had descended into a kind of trance like state.

"…so, uh, BYE CLOOD!" Tilly waved, bouncing up and down. "Oh, hey, did you end up getting a cursed seal?" Claud wheeled around at the last bit and made a peace sign.

"I forced Oro to give me one by following him around, pointing at his but saying 'buttsecksbuttsecksbuttsecks' until he gave in!"

"Oh god, I'm trying that one day…"

"What the buttsecks, or the pointing at Kakashi saying 'buttsec--"

"OH GOD, JUST SHUT UP!" Nat yelled, shuddering from the mental image, whilst dragging a resisting Tilly away, back to Konoha.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey, where did Nagi-kun go?" Claud started, wheeling around nearly forcing Yak to fly off her head.

"…oh, dear… we left him behind again…" Orochimaru replied, in a bored, tired tone.

"…that's the second time today, first we left him with Nat and Tilly… and now we've left him in the park with the drunks… If only his hair was a bit more… alive, he might be more noticeable…" _Maybe that's why he wasn't included in the original manga…_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo - 4 days later ….

"BUTTSECKSBUTTSECKSBUTTSECKS!" Tilly yelled, pointing at Kakashi's butt.

"And what are you trying to accomplish, now, Tilly?" Kakashi inquired in his bored voice.

"I want you to buy me some clothes…"

"If only you'd stop pointing at me…"

"I also want to move in your house."

"…so, where have you been sleeping until now?" Kakashi looked fairly startled, but _concerned._

"The Third Hokage offered me a house in exchange for some favours, but I was scared so I ran away… and now I live on the streets in the _cold_, and _dark _allyways…all _alone _amongst the rapists…"

"RAPISTS?!"

"Like Sasuke, here!" She indicated to the twitching Uchiha boy.

"…Sasuke, you're a…?"

"NO, I'M NOT!" he clutched his head and made a sour face, shrinking down to the ground.

"Yeah, sure…" Kakashi looked at him suspiciously, as Tilly shook him by the arm in woe.

"Oh, Sasuke, how could you forget?! It tore me _apart_! _I can never be the same _ever, ever _AGAIN!" _Tilly continued shaking the poor, lamenting, boy.

"But you're two years older than me!" Sasuke cried, "Why would I have raped someone who's 14?!"

"Because you felt sexually inclined…?" Kakashi started, and then realised that getting into the argument was a very, very bad idea. In fact, the argument continued for a while, before the three of them realised that training would be a much more productive usage of their time, seeing as the final round of the exam was only slightly over a mere week away. "…Oh, Tilly… yeah, you can stay at my place…" Kakashi confirmed, before starting them back on the harsh training regime. Joy.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo -

"You're getting quite good at attack, yeah… but your defence is still a bit weak. Yeah…" Deidara had been slave driving Nat into intense training for a few hours, and was succeeding at his main goal: all round improvement with a few jutsus thrown in for the hell of it.

"…Tired… need… rest…" Nat huffed, and flopped to the ground and moaned. "Can't…go…on…Will…die…"

"Get the hell up, yeah!" Deidara kicked her softly in the side, earning a yelp for his efforts, but yet, Nat did not move from her position on the earth. Too much of a bother. "One week left, and you said your other friend's getting kinda good, yeah! You have to be better, yeah!"

"She's still can't do the kuchiyose properly, though…" Nat stood up slowly. The thought of Claud being better than her brought with it rather a lot of motivation.

"Oh, who's teaching her all that crap, yeah?"

"…I don't know." Nat knew full well that if she told the truth, Deidara would have felt obliged to go and kill Orochimaru… so she didn't say. Yes, even Nat can be nice to Clood sometimes.

"…Oh, sure, yeah… On with the training, yeah?"

"…On with the training."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo - 4 days till the exam

"If you want to be on time for the exam, we have to start heading to Konoha now, Clauds…" Nagi was trying very, very hard to wake Claud up from her nap, but was failing rather miserably. Claud was absolutely impossible to wake up. "GODDAMMIT, WAKE UP OR I'LL TELL SENSEI YOU HATE HIM!" Claud stirred slightly. "And that… you… Like like Kabuto!" Claud sat up, wide eyed, generally horrified.

"Dear god, I had the strangest dream, Nagi… you were yelling at me for half an hour… and then you said something about being late for the exam and then… CRAP, the exam!" Claud rolled out of her bed, and fell to the floor with a loud 'thunk', still in her dressing gown. "…can you tell Oro that I'm going to be severely late so that he might take pity and NOT leave without me this time?"

"…No." Nagi walked out of the room looking very, very vacant.

"…HEY, WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM ANYWAY?!" She threw a shoe at the closing door, suspecting perverted actions.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo The day of the exam.

"TILLAYZ"

"CLOODORZ! YOU HAVE SWORD!" she pointed at Clood, who had a rather nice, shiny sword on her hip.

"TILLAYZ! …hey, where's Nat?"

"Being emo in the corner." She pointed to Nat who was … no where near a corner, and was just being silent. Not emo.

"Lul, she like Sasuke, now!" Claud and Tilly giggled at Nat, who was being unhappy now.

"I'M NOT LIKE SASUKE, YEAH!" She proclaimed, blissfully unaware of the 'yeah's beginning to creep in at the end of her sentences. The Naruto Vs Neji battle was going on, and they didn't care about that, so they were just standing there 'lol'ing like the internet meme speaking idiots they are.

"Hey, Cloodorz, who are you meant to be fighting anyways? I wasn't paying attention when the old man told us…"

"I be fightings old Shikamaru, the smart guy. And Nat be fighting Temari. You're fighting… Uh… I don't think you actually had someone to fight, did you?" Claud replied, using the memory that no one knew that she had…

"…No…" It was at this moment one of the older Jounin approached Tilly.

"You're the one with no one to fight, am I correct?"

"I sure am. Giggle." Tilly replied, rather happy.

"You can take Uchiha Sasuke's place… He hasn't turned up ye--"

"As if we couldn't tell that already…" Claud interrupted, glaring at the Jounin. She really didn't like the Konoha people, what with her secret mission to kill them all. "Hey, speaking of Sauce-kay, wasn't he with you and Kakashi?"

"…I woke up this morning and Kakashi was gone… I was heartbroken at his betrayal, yet I gathered up all my courage and fought my way through the crowds to this arena… I had to use my intuition to find this place… I was lost, alone, _CONFUSED!"_ Tilly would have gone on for a while, however Neji was being carried on a stretcher out of the arena, and she found it necessary to laugh at him and Naruto, who was running around, allowing the onlookers to love him and his victory.

"Claud, you're up next…" Nat muttered.

"I'M ALWAYS GOING FIRST DAMMIT! I came to this world first, I had my preliminary first, I was pushed into the swimming pool by Nagi first, and now this!"

"But you didn't get yet your cursed seal first…" Nat looked smug and glanced at Claud, who had already leaped down to the arena with Shikamaru and was glaring at him.

"You, my dear, smart friend are going to die. In a clichéd manner. And then everyone's going to love me. Not you. You'll be dead. Ha." And that… was Claud's statement that was supposed to be intimidating.

"This is so troublesome… another girl?" That was Shikamaru's 'indimidating' statement.

"I can't be bothered… Too much effort remembering all those strategies…"

"Too lazy…"

"Can't be bothered…"

"I want to sleep…"

"I want food…"

"…the exam starts now." Was all Genma said, sweat dropping at the two most lazy people he had ever seen. In his life.

"Yeah, yeah, sure it does. Wait, how do you know that!?" Claud questioned, pointing an accusing finger at Genma.

"Because I said so…"

"…Oh, I see. Okay!" Claud pulled out her sword. The metal one. She doesn't have the other type of sword because she's a girl. Bad you for thinking that. Kudos if you didn't. Anyway, Claud pulled out her sword and leapt at Shikamaru.

"…This totally sucks."

**A.N. REVIEW YOU PIAPOLE! …or people. Whatever… **

**Also, apologies for the lateness and for ruining your anime. Ta!**


	7. Chuunin Battles and an Invasion

**A.N. Yayerz! Chaptah sevener! Not that anything really exciting happens now anyway… D:**

**BEGINNERS!**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Shikamaru dodged Claud's attack, if narrowly, by stepping to the side with a loud yelp. "Ah god, she's vicious!"

"Dammit, stay still, let me kill you, we'll all be happy!" she turned round to see Shikamaru's attempted kagemane no jutsu hurtling towards her. "O crap… uh… Kuchiyose no Jutsu! Perfected style!" She made a peace sign at Nat, who was staring at her, atop a rather large snake. Who was not Yak. Yak was sleeping in her pocket, or so he claimed. The Kagemane had attached itself to Claud's _big,_ _normal, _ snake, leaving Claud absolutely free atop it.

"Oh…that thing looks rather troublesome…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The Third Hokage stared at the kuchiyose animal. _Who would have taught her that…? Orochimaru? That's … impossible, there's no way he'd put up with her… Anko, perhaps…_

"What a girl, eh?" The Kazekage stated, … or Oro, same thing.

"…indeed."

"Whoever trained her did… a rather good job…" _Just don't use the cursed seal… that will be too obvious…_

"Yes, they did…" And we all know that that was for Oro's ego.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Shikamaru and Claud had been playing a mini form of cat and mouse for a while, Shika had released his Kagemane on the kuchiyose snake, and was running away with Claud following atop her mount.

"Stop moving, damn you!"

"No, stopping is too troublesome!"

"No, running is more troublesome!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"Speaking to you is too troublesome!"

"THEN DON'T SPEAK TO ME!"

"WHY?!"

"Because you said it was too troublesome!"

"Will you two stop arguing?!" The kuchiyose interrupted as he stopped, who had been dubbed 'Roo'. "Can you imagine how annoying it would be if some random retard was sitting on your head yelling at another idiot?" Claud's memory returned to the days when Yak was sitting on her head.

"…Yes, I really can." The three of them pondered this for a while, and the chase began again, Shikamaru still running around, Claud still atop Roo, the crowd somewhat bemused, and the Third Hokage taking back his words. This went on for another minute until Shikamaru, being the smart one, decided to do something. Something _smart, _something _purely genius. _He jumped on to Roo and attacked Claud, slashing at her with a kunai, which was blocked by her wonderful sword of death.

"Oh ho, fear my wonderful sword of death!" _…Okay, think strategy… what did sensei teach you? One feck of a lot. What do I remember? …hardly anything. Right. Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out, sensei's only going to kill you if you screw this up. Think… close range… Putting chakra down sword, make sword sharp, slice enemy up into lots of tiny bits… We'll go for that! _And she did precisely that, she sent the chakra down the sword, made it exceedingly sharp, easily sliced through the kunai she was blocking and nicked poor Shika on the chest, forcing him to fly in a general backwards direction off the head of Roo _…Well, that worked… Shouldn't use too much chakra, need chakra to kill ANBU. Can't use cursed seal, too lazy. Can't get too close to Shika on the ground, will be caught by shadow technique, can't make Roo eat him, snake too rebellious. AH! LONG RANGED JUTSUS! The obvious thing that I really should have thought off before Shika retaliated with a barrage of kunai. Oh dear a barrage of kunai is coming right for me. _"ROO, MOVE NOW!"

"…but I don't want to. I'm not your slave, I'm a minor aid."

"MOVE OR I SACRIFICE YAK TO THE MONKEY GOD!" she wasn't quite sure how that worked, but somehow, it did, and Roo moved his lazy arse away from the barrage of kunai. _Not dead yet. Cool. Right, now I shall kill him with my wonderful katon technique which I can actually use right now! _She started making the seals for the katon technique, however, she was interrupted by Shikamaru shakily raising his hand.

"I…give up. I don't want to fight a scary, vicious, girl with an arsenal of dangerous techniques." Genma nodded understandingly, glacing worriedly at Claud, who was blinking at Shikamaru.

"You're a wimp, dude." She stated, masking her joy over her victory.

"…I know. But I have a slash across my chest, not a whole lot of chakra left after mercilessly trying to ensnare you with my jutsu earlier."

"THAT'S NOT AN EXCUSE! I don't care if you're dying from blood loss, you're still a wimp!"

"…okay then." He sat down and waited for the medic nins to come, which they did, trying to stay as far from Claud as possible, who was being loved by the crowd.

"I LOVE YOU, NEW YORK!" She made a rock on sign, and the cheering increased, even though they didn't know where and what the hell New York was. Claud charged up the stairs and violently patted the backs of Tilly and Nat, who gagged.

"….We WERE going to congratulate you, but since you're lapping up all of the praise from the audience, I guess we shouldn't bother."

"GO CLOOD!" roared Tilly. Nat thwacked her. Genma looked at his chart in a bored way.

"Riiight. Nat and Temari, step right up."

Tilly looked confused. "But isn't the Sand our ally-"

Nat thwacked her again, slightly harder. "Do you know what is meant by the term, 'secre---" Claud had pushed Nat off the balcony, sending her tumbling down to the arena.

"There we go, just like a stand in Shikamaru!"

"Oh, I hate you, Clood…" Nat muttered, lying on the floor, being unhappy, staring up at the grinning Clood. Oh the déjà vu. Temari stared down at her opponent.

"And you are meant to be a ninja?" Temari sneered. Nat sighed. Another person that annoyed her. Very much. She slowly got up, brushing the dust of her sash. She knew where her 'master' was hiding and she slowly put her middle finger up at a tree in the distance. She then got into a fighting stance, keeping her finger up at her enemy.

Temari's vein popped up in her head. She charged, intending to slam her fan in the middle of Nat's head. She dodged somewhat easily and used her fire senbon technique. Temari opened up her fan and did her kamaitachi technique, deflecting the needles but setting the fan on fire in the process. Tilly looked down. "Wasn't that a bit stupid?"

Claud, having a little bit more sense, told her to shut up and watch the rest of the battle.

Meanwhile, the fire senbon technique was being used repetitively, and being deflected with Temari's fan jutsus. Nat then suddenly had an idea and caught three of the needles in between her fingers, made a bunshin, threw one of the needles, then disappeared behind Temari. However, the Sand kunoichi realised the plan that Nat was executing at the last second and swung the fan carelessly behind her, thwacking Nat in the head.

There was a deadly silence while Nat raised her bruised head to glare at the sand nin. "No one. Thwacks me. With an overly gigantic fan. Ever." She thought of a plan in her anger and concentrated her force in the needle, then threw it. Temari, grinning obstinately, waited until the last second to dodge so she could annoy Nat. However, Nat then released the force in the needle to her eyes. While she screamed, Nat then did her force technique again to her back, temporarily harming her spinal cord. Temari fell down to the ground and without a hesitation, Nat birdflipped the tree again. "In your face, Deidara. I DIDN'T use that jutsu. Call me trustworthy now." Nat walked upstairs to the competitors' stand as Genma announced the winner.

"…D00d. We so rock." Claud highfived Nat, missed, and accidentally pushed Tilly into the arena. She landed on Gaara.

"ISSA GAARA OHMIGOSH IT KILL ME" Tilly shrieked and tried to scramble back up the sides of the arena, only to be shot a withering glare by Nat. She slid back to the floor with a 'flump' and looked upset. Gaara cracked a grin and stood there looking all cocky and annoying and Gaara with his arms crossed. Tilly didn't really appreciate this, and decided to initiate the first attack, cautiously throwing a few kunai and jumping back a few feet. The Sand armour suddenly popped up, and Tilly, having not really watched this point in Naruto, was suitably confused.

"Okies….so I guess he has the power of the seaside. But I have the power of confusion! Like Butterfree." She thought, and did some jumping around to confuse Gaara.

"What….is that prat doing?" He thought, deranged.

"TILLAYZ! He's too deranged for your ultimate level of confusion! You have to fight normally! ISH! Slowly bring up the confusion level, VERY SLOWLY mind, and it might have an effect… otherwise… you're screwed! Dum BUM BUUUMM!" Clood's sound effects … sucked, but despite that, the message was conveyed, and Tilly was slightly better off.

"OKAYERZ! … Think… small levels of confusion… I had a spoon, so how many spoons did I have?" She asked Gaara.

"One. You just said."

"NOES! TOO ULTIMATE! … Okay… I'll just put on this funny nose here…" She poked her nose. "Doesn't it disturb you, Gaara?"

"…You didn't do anything!"

"…Hoh. Okayz… Moo."

"Eh?"

_Oh ho, its working… Now, do what Clood said… slowly… _"MOOZ!"

"…?"

_Easy does it… _ "I'm going to attack you now…"

"…Great, lucky me." He replied looking intensely sarcastic.

"NOES! I UPPED IT TOO QUICKLY! Alright, let's resort to normal attacking as a last resort!" _But little does he know… my ultimate attack of …. _"HEY, GAARA! IT'S A FLYING SASUKE!" She pointed behind him, and he wheeled around, and found himself facing nothing, with Tilly charging at him, throwing lots and lots of kunai. Which really didn't do anything against his armour.

"…Damn, I forgot about the seaside… God, I hate the sea… It smell funny." Gaara, however, had misinterpreted that, and turned back to face her.

"I…smell funny…?" His eyes narrowed. "How stupid…" And with that, he sent a wave of sand at poor Tilly, who 'ree'd and ran around in little circles, chased by sand. Claud and Nat stared at the poor girl.

"…Didn't that already happen in my fight?" Claud pointed at Tilly and looked unhappy.

"…yeah, but yours was slightly… er… more… realistic. And you were the one with the advantage."

"…OI, TILLY! STOP STEALING MY IDEAS!"

"Oh I do hate to be beside the seaside… Oh I do hate to be beside the sea…"

"TILLY, STOP SINGING! STOP PLAGIARISING MY IDEAS! THINK OF A STRATEGY!" Tilly stopped running and thought, confusing the sand a little. It surrounded her in the sort of… ball thing, but no crushing yet.

"Okay… what does Kakashi do?" _…He… reads porn. But I don't have porn. Okay, he… does the Chidori, but I don't have a sharingan… yet. And… er… He wears a mask, but that's not going to help. _The sand began to move in a little. _O! He buries under the ground! …dude, that's so obvious! _"EARTH JUTSU THING!" She made the necessary hand seals and found herself under the ground, just as the sand completely crushed her absent body.

"O NOES, GAARA KILLED TILLAY! YOU BASTARD!" She flipped the middle finger at the red head, and attempted to climb over the balcony rails. "YOU JUST WAIT TILL I GET DOWN THERE! I'LL RIP YOUR BLOODY B---- OFF YOU F----- PIECE OF S---!" Tilly popped up from beneath the ground below Gaara, headbutting him between the legs. "…YOU DECIETFUL PERSON, TILLY! YOU MADE ME HATE GAARA!" Claud shook her fist at the on going fight, only to be calmed down slightly by Nagi finally finding his way to the balcony.

"…I got lost on the way here…" he said, slightly more vacant than he had been when Nat had first met him.

"You got lost… on a staircase, Nagi-kun?" Claud had to stop herself from bursting into hysterics.

"...No, I got lost on the corridor to the staircase… and then I got really, really confused so I started having a panic attack, then a jounin found me and pointed me down the corridor in the right direction. But then I got suspicious! Why would a Konoha jounin help me?! So then I went back down the corridor the way I came, looking for another, less sneaky route, and then I found myself back where I started after going in a straight line, and then I saw the Jounin and threw my shoe at him, I don't actually think I hit him, so I ran off back down the corridor to find myself on the staircase, being pursued by the enraged Jounin, carrying my shoe, telling me I 'forgot' something, as if! He didn't catch me, though, I henge-d into Gaara and glared at him, so then he was confused and he walked off and I was victorious!"

"…Well done, Nagi. You lost a sandal." Nat remarked, looking down at his feet.

"Yeah… HEY! MY SANDAL!" His eyes widened and he ran off again, shouting back at Claud before he disappeared into the stairway. "NICE JOB IN THE FIGHT, CLOODCLOOD!"

"…That guy… who is he?" Nat asked. "I remember him from when we met up over the training weeks… but… I sure don't remember him from the manga."

"…I think he was meant to die in the destruction of Konoha, along with the other sound nin, but that isn't going to happen this time. This time, I'm the one moving the pawns, and you know I hate losing." Claud replied with a 'subtle' confidence.

"… you're treating this like a game… These are human lives, dude."

"…That makes it all the more fun! You don't get this kind of tension at a chess tournament! …unless you're up against some random uptight upper class chess champion kid… thing… whatever they are… they're _not_ human." Meanwhile, Tilly had been running away from Gaara's sand again, yelling in anguish.

"OH, GOD! I'M GOING TO DIE! SAVE ME, CLOOD!"

"I can't. You'll get disqualified."

"…dammit." _Humm… think… When one melter sand… it becomes glass. Which is a non chasey object. Hopefully. Otherwise, I have pointy glass after me, and that's scary… But not as scary as sand between me toes… _"POWERZ, COOKERZ THIS SANDERZ!" She katon techniqued the oncoming sand, turning a small amount into glass, which landed with a 'thunk' on the floor, just in time for Kakashi and Sasuke to appear in the middle of the arena, in that 'cool' way that they did.

"KAKASHI! O GOD, THE SCARY CARROT HEAD NEARLY ATE ME!" She tackled Kakashi, looking sad. Sasuke glanced at her.

"You… stole my opponent…"

"…actually, to be more accurate, Genma _assigned _me your opponent. Now, get out of the arena, rapist!" She glared at the Uchiha boy, ignoring all the Uchiha fans in the stadium whom were cheering.

"SAUCE!" Claud yelled from the balcony, waving frantically. "COME OVER HERE SO I CAN FORCE YOU TO JOIN MAH VILLAGE!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"…buh?" That comment really confused the Third Hokage.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So that guy is… Uchiha Sasuke… Mweh, I still think I'm cooler…" Nagi muttered, glaring at Sasuke who was arguing with Claud.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Okay, let's see… …. …. I don't know, Tilly and Gaara's match shall be called a draw… Noh… How about… we give Gaara and Tilly soldier pills… and make it into a three way battle between Sasuke and them?" Genma was trying to reason through the situation.

"NO, LET SAUCE COME UP HERE! I WANNA TALK TO SAUCE!"

"You can't talk to Sasuke!"

"…I hate you, stupid Konoha wenches!"

"…you're a Konoha wench yourself!"

"NO, I'M A S--- … Uh, yeah… I'm a Konoha wench… sure…" Claud fell silent, pondering whether she could be called a true Sound wench, her not having betrayed Konoha properly yet. She was half way through this, when Kabuto's genjutsu began to take effect, and most people in the stadium started dropping off to sleep, signifying the beginning of the invasion. "TILLAYZ! IS TIME TO KILL EVERYONE NOW!" Claud yelled, whist removing the Konoha headband plate, revealing the plate underneath: a dazzlingly shiny sound headband, polished to absolute perfection.

"Ho. Right, I forgot about that…" Tilly muttered, speeding off to find the sand guys, away from the distracted Kakashi. Gaara and Sasuke had also gone off to the fight they were meant to be having in the forest. God knows why it was there, but hey, it was.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru and the Third Hokage stood on the roof of the main part of the stadium, still in their Kage robes.

"…Orochimaru, you bastard…" Orochimaru was slightly distracted by Claud running around killing people at random, being all happy. There was something scary, yet amazingly cute in that. "…Orochimaru?"

"…" Oro paused and recovered from his distraction. "…Shouldn't you be nicer to your old student, Sarutobi-sensei?" He glanced outside the barrier that the sound four had created, somewhat glad he had left Claud as the leader, that way, most of the troops would be able to survive if the invasion failed. _Just don't do anything too stupid…_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"OMGS, I need body guards!" Claud was involved in a fight with some random jounin, with only her and Nagi.

"Oh, so I'm not good enough anymore?"

"You were never good enough, dammit!"

"What was that?"

"You heard me, Nagi!"

"No, I missed it."

"What, so you weren't listening!?"

"No…"

"… Oh, dear…" she slapped her head, whilst taking a random swipe at some passing chuunin, adding another to her kill count of 3. Compared to Nagi's 14. And Tilly's 227. Okay, that was a lie, she was trying not to kill anyone so meticulously, she nearly did kill someone whilst backing into a kid whilst edging away from a poor, choking person lying on the floor.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The girl named Ro surveyed Konoha, grinning maniacally, not that anyone could see the grin, her mouth was covered by a large, green scarf.

"Clood, you're here, right?" She giggled rabidly, scaring her fellow sand nins slightly. "Let's go, I need to find someone."

END.

**A.N. **

**Well, that's the end of sevener, now for eighter: Enter, RO! …God, save us ---.---**

**But for now, I would like to give a big cookie to all the reviewers, you made Tilly and Clood very happy. Nat was indifferent, but we know she was happy deep, deep down. **

**On another note, the chapters will be coming out slightly slower for a few weeks due to the Xmas break, but we'll try…**


	8. Idiots and a little Seriousness

**Welcome back to another instalment of WBWDC XD**

… **yeah, we'll start now…**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat glanced around the stadium looking rather vacant. Everyone was fighting but her. She wasn't really sure what to do, it was all confusing. She was meant to be after ANBU members, but they were outside of the stadium, and it was most likely safer to stay near the Hokage battle going on. But… it was so boring… Claud and Nagi were fighting like hell against two jounin, and doing a pretty good job of it, too. In fact, the two were almost unrecognizable as idiots in their serious-I-kill-you-modes.

"Clood, I'm going off to kill some people now!" Nat tried to inform her friend, but to no avail.

"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Claud wasn't listening at all, instead, she was fighting her respective Jounin opponent, still doing a pretty good job.

"Clood?"

"NYA!"

"CLOOD!"

"…buh?" Finally, she turned her attention to her team mate and nodded. "I dunno what you're off to do, but have fun doing it!" She waved with one arm at the departing Nat, whilst blocking a barrage of kunai with her sword. "OMGS, STOP ATTACKING ME! We're the one invading, you're meant to be the ones defending, stop switching the god damn roles!"

"…So what you're trying to tell me is…" And thus, in that moment, Clood had gained the upper hand by sticking her sword in his chest.

"Dude, if there's one thing I know, its never, ever to talk to crazy girls in the middle of a battle! I talked to this girl, Ro, at school in the middle of an exam, which is like a battle, and oh god, the results weren't pretty, but hey, HEY DON'T DIE WHEN I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A SENTENCE!"

"I don't think the guy had much of a choice, Clood…" Nagi remarked in passing, still fighting off his opponent with an earth jutsu, random spikes of earth jutting up from the ground at the poor Konoha guy.

"What do you mean, 'course he had a choice! He didn't _have _to die right then!"

"Yes, he really did."

"ARGH, I'm going to watch sensei's battle and kill the on looking Anbu. You're no fun." And with that, she ninja-blurred off to the roof, just in time to see the first and second Hokage being revived.

"…Hey, a genin like you shouldn't be--" one of the ANBU asked, stopping mid sentence as he noticed Claud's sudden change of headband. However, Claud was not listening to the question, she was chatting to Sakon through the barrier.

"…So then I was like SUITON:MIZUKATANA NO JUTSU and then he was like KATON: SOMETHING NO JUTSU and I was like 'meep' and he was like o ho and then I was like holy crap and then he was like dead."

"Sounds fun… I just get to sit here holding this damn barrier…" Sakon moaned, a lot less miserable than when he had first met Claud. Her weirdness vibes had been affecting him as well. They had affected them all. Even Kimimaro, in his bedridden state had been slightly affected, though not as badly.

"Aw, its okay, it will be over soon enough… I'll go talk to sensei and tell him to hurry up, m'kay?"

"M'kay…" Sakon nodded, and with that, Clood walked off, determined to make Oro listen to her.

"SENSEI, HURRY THE FECK UP!" She yelled at Oro, as he watched his Edo Tenseis advance on Sarutobi. This startled him, and he turned to see her standing in front of two bewildered looking ANBU, waving her sword around, whislt ranting rather loudly. "…and further more, were you even paying attention to me earlier when I told you what would happen in the darn fight!? Don't let the damn guy get your arms! They're YOUR arms, not his arms! YOURS!"

"… Weh?" Oro looked kind of… distracted, which he really shouldn't have been.

"…Okays, well basically, some trees will appear, then one of the Hokages will use like… the darkness technique, and then when it gets dispelled, don't let the god damn Third Hokage get near you! KEEP HIM AT A DISTANCE! TREAT HIM AS IF HE IS AN EMO! TREAT HIM AS IF HE IS SASUKE WITHOUT A SHARINGAN! A BRATTY, STUCK UP EMO!"

"Okay… Will do…" _Why am I doing this…?_

"…dude. Are you okay? You look really, really distracted and kind of… Mweh, not that I care!" She turned to the ANBU. "And now… to deal with you lot."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Konoha streets

"OMGS, I'm sorry, did I hurt you!? I'm just trying to incapacitate you without doing much harm… mustnotbetrayKakashisenseimustnotbetrayKakashisensei…" Tilly was still trying not to hurt anyone, and had succeeded. Surprisingly.

"Are you with… them?" Replied a frightened child, shaking slightly.

"…Well. Yeah. I am, but I don't really want to kill anyone so, its kind of like I'm not on their side, whilst I am at the same time. It confuses me, too." Tilly sighed, it was ever so much work. Work had previously been an alien concept to her, and it was becoming more and more familiar rather quickly. This was a bad thing. Work is a horrible, horrible entity.

"Umm… okay…"

Tilly walked off, in search of the sand nin that she was meant to have found a while ago. Little did she know, that indeed, they were to find her first. O noes. The drama.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – One side of arena

Nat speared two ANBU in the neck with her senbon technique. She could see Claud as a dot on the orange roof that was the scene of the fight of Orochimaru and the Third Hokage. She could see Claud talking someone with a bit of a vigorous action.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Other side of the arena

"GET NAT!" Claud screamed as she narrowly avoided being made into a kebab by a nearby ANBU. A Sound ninja just heard her.

"GET NAT!"

"GET CAT!"

"GET THE CAT!"

"WHAT CAT?!"

"OH SORRY, GET NAT!"

"NAAAAAAT!"

"SEND FOR NAT!"

"SEND FOR NAT!"

"SEND AWAY NAT!"

"WHERE TO?!"

"…….I GUESS CLAUD-SAMA MEANS SEND HER TO GAARA!"

"SEND HER TO GAARA!"

"NAT, GO TO GAARA!"

Nat stood there looking bemused. "Oh, what the hell." She jumped out of the stadium and followed Sasuke closely behind.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – back on Claud's side of the arena

"WHERE THE HELL IS NAT!?" Claud yelled at an arriving sound nin, whilst bending backwards into a forced bridge to avoid a katon jutsu, courtesy of her Kekkei genkai. "Man, I love this radioactive type vision…" She muttered.

"I…sent her to Gaara, like you said." Replied the poor, unknowing guy.

"GODDAMMIT, I SAID I WANTED NAT!" Properly back on her feet, Claud was still dodging all attempts from the ANBU to kill her.

"…Should I get her, Clau--" However, he was hit by the boot that Claud had managed to remove and throw at him. "Sorry, ma'am…"

"YOU LOT ARE USELESS!" She turned around to the ANBU, entirely enraged, the cursed seal enveloping her. "Now, you shall feel the wrath of a significantly pissed lunatic on cursed seal drugs with a big sword and a kekkei genkai to match!" The ANBU sweatdropped.

"…aren't you meant to be a gennin? Shouldn't you be low on chakra?"

"No, but sensei says I'm 'special'." There was a kind of… nodding agreement between the ANBU. Claud was most certainly 'special'. Special enough not to realise what was implied by that. "And … I just don't get low on chakra. According to sensei, in my world, I had a huge build up from all the crap I did, and when I came here, I was able to use it…. Its all weird and complicatedness. I guess the same goes for Nat and Tillay… But enough speaking, I don't want to lose to Nagi-kun!" She got into the all familiar sword stance, which Oro had made her stand in for 4 hours just to make _sure_ she remembered it, and stared at the anbu, the effectiveness of that was rather amplified by the cursed seal blobs her freaky black and white patterned eyes. God bless kekkei genkai.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Tilly had been hopping through Konoha's streets, scanning the area for the Sand nin she was meant to be in charge of, when she was greeted by an all too familiar face dropping down in front of her, a girl she knew from her own world, one who was meant to have gone to America, one whose name was Ro.

"Tilly. C'est tu?"

"OMGWTFRO!? Aren't you meant to be in America eating Jell-O?"

"Aren't you meant to be in England… doing… crap… yeah…?"

"Fair point…" There was a moment of silence. "Hey, Ro, why are you wearing Sand stuff?"

"…because I'm a Sand person, dude." She spun around, showing off her rather large green scarf. Not unlike a 'chyaku norrisu scarf' on gaiaonline, just not red.

"Dude, that makes me your commander!"

"…Our troops are losing rather badly, you might want to come and help us out. Also, have you seen Clood? I'm meant to be finding her right now…"

"Yeah, last I saw her she was at the arena badgering Orochimaru about his bodily appendages. Why?" Ro's eyes widened.

"Gotta go, bye bye!" And with that, she hopped off joyously.

"…she didn't even tell me where the Sand troops are. I bet they're near the training grounds! O joy!" She ran off in the opposite direction to Ro, humming a little tune that sounded like 'We wish you a merry Christmas', completely unaware that that was where Kakashi had gone to look for her. Oh, my. The coincidences, not that we're planning anything like that…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Orochimaru. Are you really fully involved in this fight?!" The Third Hokage barked at his student, who was… looking vacant and was clearly perturbed.

"…" _Why did I betray Konoha in the first place?_

"…Orochimaru?"

"…" _It was so long ago… I can't even remember why…_

"…Orochimaru?"

"…ree?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Alex's bit, not written by Alex. Thank god.

"So why am I in a tavern in some leaf village?" She paused.

"Because its funny to watch people get killed for no apparent reason, yeah!" Deidara replied, drinking sake with gusto.

"…but why am I not drinking?"

"…I don't know, yeah…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Huhuhu, Dramatic fanficy bit! YOUR WORST FEAR COME TRUE XD

Kakashi swivelled around, arms poised with kunais wielded to find that the intruder was Tilly. His eyes narrowed at the bloodstains on her clothes.

"Are you hurt?" He dropped his arms and started to move towards her, but all she could do was look at the ground.

"I'm sorry Kakashi, but it's too late now. Fight me." She slowly raised her eyes to meet his.

"This is no time for training! We _must_ find Sasuke-" He was cut off by a barrage of kunai that flew from the surrounding trees. Sand nins stepped out from the darkness of the forest.

"Traitor." He spat.

"Kakashi... My loyalty lies with my friends from my homeworld."

"Traitor."

"They're my friends!"

"And I don't matter anymore because of them!?" Tilly looked away again.

"I'm sorry…"

"….Fine. Tilly, I accept your challenge." He flung kunai in a graceful arc and concealed himself in the trees, felling three sand nin in the process. The remaining troops gathered together, unsure of what to do next. There was a small blur that darted off amongst the trees, which was pretty obviously Tilly.

'Coward.' Kakashi almost mumbled, not bothering to pursue her, focusing his full attention on the ninjas in the clearing. He counted thirteen, not including the dead, and launched himself into attack. Soon, the number had dwindled down to five. Kakashi frowned, although he was good, he had expected this to be an elite squad. It was far too easy. He struck down two more, and was left with what he suspected to be a woman and two men. Both men were already terrified, fumbling and panicked and easily lost their lives. Eventually, it was just Kakashi and the sand kunoichi standing in the clearing.

"So, what should I call you, sand nin?"

"Mikomi. Let's go, I'm looking for some fun."

Several explosions lit the air, and a brief bout of intense fighting followed, but she was presumably a chuunin and no match for an elite Konoha jounin. She fell back a little, stumbling.

"You tease me." She smirked, shaking a little.

"Don't fear me." Kakashi said, slightly confused as to why he said it.

"I don't. It's cold." She scowled, and initiated the fight again. She was easily beat back, and before she knew it, face down on the floor, heavily bruised, wheezing, and with his foot on her back.

"Tell me why I shouldn't snap your back right now." There was no reply. She'd passed out, and the genjutsu wore off.

He was standing on Tilly.

**HOKAY**

**JUST SO YOU KNOW**

**THE ENDING _IS _MEANT TO BE A PARODY **

**It's not like 'OMG THEY'RE ACTUALLY IN LOVE AND SHIZ'**

**Just something crappy we thought would be funny to do XD Another note of the ending... Best reread listening to 'Ding ding dong' by Gunther. If you don't see what we mean, then you're 'TOOPID.  
**

**Luvvles, Tilly.**

**Anywho, R &R peeps.**


	9. Death, strife and angst Lol

**Oh, my. This chapter was easy to write for a… strange reason. Maybe because it had so much opportunity for cliché, that they just wouldn't stop coming…**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Claud stepped back, breathing heavily, faced by the last member of the ANBU she had to dispatch of. The other two had been troublesome, always fighting back, just as they were about to die. And Claud, not quite accustomed to the seal fully, was having some trouble remaining in stage one without having to go to stage two. She decided CS2 was better left for later.

"Well, I'll hand it to ya, kid, it's like you're a totally different person from the one I saw in the Chuunin fights." The ANBU spluttered out, also worn out.

"… I won't deny it, training was… hard when I complied to sensei's terms, but it has paid off… that much is obvious." She smiled through a great deal of pain, emanating from a gash on her left arm. Thankfully, her being right handed, it hadn't affected her sword style too much, despite it slowing her down.

"That wasn't all I meant. You were… so light hearted and … sweet. Now you're… so much more ruthless."

"You have Orochimaru to thank for that. Now, let's get this over with before I'm forced into CS2. And that's just annoying." She glanced over to the Hokage battle before initiating the fight. Thankful to see Orochimaru heeding her advice, she turned back and seemingly flitted at the ANBU in a blur of motion. Caught off guard, the best the poor guy could do was block her relentlessly fast barrage of sword strokes, before being knocked back through the air, only to find her underneath his back, hitting his spinal region with the palm of her hand, sending a shockwave through his body. Upon crashing down to the ground, he found her foot on his throat. "…wow, this is just like a movie, but SO much cooler!"

"…Do you find it fun… these battles?" the ANBU spluttered out, not daring to move.

"…What if I do…?" She inclined her head and looked quizzical. He closed his eyes, as if ignoring what she said.

"Konoha will give you a second chance, but not a third. My hand of friendship now is your second, shun that, and you shall be cursed by us all, only deemed fit for damnation, and for the repentance of your sins." He shakily stretched out his arm up to her, only to be met with wide eyes.

"OMG KEEP YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MEH!" Claud, taking the hand thing as none other than molestation, cut off the ANBU's hand and threw it at the barrier. The Third Hokage caught sight of this, and stared wide eyed at the flying hand. Meanwhile, Claud was poking the ANBU.

"…Oh, right. You weren't trying to molest me… sorray! Do I still get a second chance offer…?" She looked down at the ANBU, who was lying there, dead from a combination of blood loss, exhaustion and Claud's foot squashing his throat when she threw the hand.

Orochimaru, seeing Sarutobi's distraction, took the opportunity to close in on his opponent, and stick his sword in his former sensei's chest.

"Touché, Sarutobi." The old man smiled, perhaps at the inside joke between the two of them that line held, perhaps because he knew he would find peace. However, his face snapped back to sheer seriousness.

"Orochimaru, take care of that young lady…"

"…?" Orochimaru looked startled.

"She takes care of you. Repay the favour." With those last words, the Third Hokage's eyes closed slowly, and he fell to the ground the instant Orochimaru removed his sword. The victor of the battle turned to his Edo Tenseis and dispelled them, wincing as his sacrifices used for the summons were revealed. The dead forms of Kin and Zaku, two of the Sound nins who had entered the chuunin exams.

"…She… takes care of me?" He spun round, puzzling over what he meant, how Sarutobi could tell that, and… whether it was true or not.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat stood behind a tree, observing the final stages of the Naruto V Gaara battle. It had all proceeded in the exact manner as in the anime, in fact, no one had noticed her there. "…Although, why DID Clood want me here? In fact, this is pointless." She stepped out from behind the tree and stomped the ground in anger. "DAMMIT, CLOOD! YOU AND YOUR STUPID REQUESTS!"

"Pardon?" Sasuke wheezed, lying on the ground in pain, whilst the Shukaku raged above.

"…I'm not here." With that, Nat turned and hurried back to Konoha, cursing Claud.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kakashi stood motionless above Tilly, shaking slightly. "What have I…? Tilly… I thought you ran…" He fell to his knees beside her, his shaking increased. Tears formed in his exposed eyes, but he refused to let them fall. They did anyway. In front of him Tilly lay motionless, breathing shallowly, a serene smile on her face.

"You… didn't kill anyone, did you?" He didn't need to ask the air to know. No one with that smile could have hurt anyone.

Kakashi's tears continued to fall, as he scooped Tilly up, and straightened to face Konoha. He walked all the way to the hospital, carrying Tilly like his bride, disregarding the scenes of chaos around him. It was only till he ensured she was safe in the hospital staffs' care, did he run out on to the street to continue the fight.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So… I suppose I don't get a second chan--"

"CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" A shrill voice pierced the air, Claud turned round to see its owner.

"Ro..!" There was a 'holy crap – YOU!' moment, before one of them spoke.

"I … ran into Tillay. She was off being all commanderish…" They both nodded in the 'there really isn't much else to do' way.

"…Aren't you meant to be in America…?"

"Remember how I left early on the last day of the school year? Well. That was me running off to your TV so that I could spill soda on it and come here! You ACTUALLY thought I went to America?" Ro made a peace sign, and sat down crosslegged beside Claud, who was sitting in a similar manner, whilst creating makeshift bandage with her coat's traily bit.

"Wait. How did you know to spill soda on it? And how the hell did you break into a penthouse on the 16th floor of a building fitted with bullet proof glass and a locked door?"

"Simple to both! The breaking in involved eating your bullet proof glass. The former is a little more… complicated. The last sleepover we had before that time… I had spilt some sprite on your TV whilst you were in the loo, and it started fizzing. Remember, we were watching the first Naruto ep to be aired in England?" Claud nodded. "So, I poked it, coz it was funny, and I found myself in Naruto. However, I didn't think it a good idea to stay, coz I mean you would be back from the loo pretty soon, so I turned back and leapt into the almost disappeared vortex."

"So… you KNEW you could get to one of mah favourite anime worlds. And you didn't tell meh!?" Claud was glaring at Ro with a scary, scary look on her face.

"…Well, it would mean disclosing the fact that I spilt coke on your new, super powered TV and PS2." Claud's eyes narrowed and she looked like her head was going to implode.

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT BROKE MY PS2?!" With that, she tackled Ro to the floor and attempted to strange her with one arm, the other being all gashed up and stuff. It was on the two of them in this position, that Orochimaru emerged from the barrier, his arms fully intact, and his normal evilness not so. Ro stared up at him and said one word.

"Oro."

"Oro!" Claud chirped.

"ORO!" Ro chirped louder.

"**ORO!**" Claud 'chirped' even louder.

"**ORO!!**"

"**OR**—Okay, this is just getting silly." Ro nodded in agreement, and shoved Claud off her, who had still been atop Ro due to the strangling attempts. …Oh, my. 'Atop' Ro. Snigger.

"…Who might you be?" Orochimaru inquired, with a softer tone than usual. Whilst Claud noticed that, Ro most certainly did not, and she leapt to her feet and struck a pose.

"THE OVERLORD RO! SUPREME RULER OF MUSHROOMS AND SODA!" She quickly made a few hand seals and a few flares danced around her for a while, then faded as she ceased to make her silly pose.

"…We're going. Come, Clauds." He glanced at Claud (totally ignoring Ro) who was sitting on the floor, glaring at Ro, whilst managing to look sorry for herself at the same time. "…Kabuto will heal your arm when we get back." He indicated to the sound 4, who were as confused as Claud.

"Go… back? But… you succeeded in killing Sarutobi! You can't just call off the invasion! That's like … assassinating a Kage, then saying you didn't mean it!" Claud waved her arms frantically.

"Yeah. It is." Orochimaru replied, turning his back to Claud.

"You have no reason! ITS TOTALLY ILLOGICAL!" _…Weird. He won the fight, but… Maybe this world tries to flex itself back to normality as best it can… Perhaps… Sarutobi said something that would change Oro's mind? Come to think of it, he was pretty out of it from the beginning… Maybe I should interrogate him... _No response. "…Fine. I'll go get everyone as fast as I can. Ro, Sound 4, tell all of the sound troops you can to meet at the Hokage stand's roof – that's an order direct from Orochimaru-sama." She watched Tayuya, Sakon, Kidoumaru and Jiroubou leap off in different directions, and sighed.

"HAY! I'm a SAND troop! I don't follow your orders, Clood!" Ro looked sour and sat down cross legged again, but was met by a death glare, which rather signalled she should be off.

"I'll pay you in mushrooms later."

"Awesinebess!" She high fived a reluctant Claud, and ninja blurred off, not actually sure what the order was. With the onlookers gone, Claud turned back to Orochimaru, who was standing on the edge of the roof, motionless.

"You've been detached from this from the beginning haven't you?" She started, walking towards him.

"…Since when have you been percepti--" However, he was interrupted by Claud glomping him.

"BE HAPPY! We ninjas have miserable lives from what I can tell, so we need to be happy whenever we can, okay?" She poked him. "I don't know what the Third said to you, but… its your choice whether you listen or not. And right now, I'd suggest you forget about it, and come back to it in a more appropriate time. Besides, I bet our troops would really love you if you personally came and told people about the retreat!" She winked and hopped off, leaving Orochimaru standing alone, smiling.

"…Thanks, Clauds." And he, too, went off to inform everyone of his own order, and that, for the Sound troops, was enough to start a strong faith in him, one which would save the Hidden Village of Sound's existence. …Okay, we're getting a bit over dramatic there, but you get the idea. ;)

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Upon her return to Konoha, Nat found herself face to face with Nagi, who was also helping out with the retreat message.

"Hey, whatsyourname! You staying here or what?" He asked, entirely laid back.

"…Huh? And it's Nat. Got it memorized?" The poor, cynical Nat was confused.

"We've decided on a retreat, so… you staying in Konoha, or coming with us?" Nagi had taken on an entirely bored tone, further puzzling Nat. She had been sure Nagi was retarded, and almost never failed to amuse himself with his plot-suspecting. The incident he had described at the stadium was more than enough to confirm Nat's musings. Or so she thought.

"Question, Nagi. Your disposition… sum it up in one word for me." A puzzled look crossed Nagi's face as he tried to work out his own character.

"Pre Clood… it was … kind of mixture between pensiveness and paranoia, you know the 'OMG THE WORLD R GOING TO EAT ME' type… but now, its kind of… really laid back, lazy, pensive, paranoid and 'toopid all at the same time!" He looked pleased with his deductions, and then an entirely serious look crossed his face. "So, you coming or what?" Nat pondered this.

"…Fine, Nagi, I accept. _Screw Deidara in the least perverted sense possible! _"Where are we meeting?"

"The Hokage roof, and its Nagi-_kun_ got it memorized?" He smiled somewhat sadistically and watched an angry look cross Nat's face, before being replaced by a cold stare.

"Sure, Nagi. I do. But whether I'm going to trust my memory is an entirely different matter." Nat turned on her heel and walked off towards the Hokage roof, feeling amazingly smug and victorious. Nagi lingered there for a second longer. _Why is it that I'm never more witty than anyone? I always thought I was pretty good until Orochimaru-sama, Clood and Nat started proving me wrong. …Wait, Clood… Witty? Wherever did I get THAT delusion from? _And with his thoughts concluded, he ninja warped off to inform more peoples of the latest military developments.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOOo – Much informing later…

Claud stood next to Oro, looking rather important, as he gave a rather nice speech to the troops, it seemed inspiring when Claud bothered to listen, but she didn't do that all that often.

"…Some of your friends may have lost their lives, today, and perhaps I could have waited for another year before we attempted this, for that I am sorry, but for your support thus far, I am grateful, and if you would so allow it, I would be more than happy to continue leading you all, next time to victory, I promise." There was a moment of stunned silence as Oro finished his speech, but it was broken by a cheer descending from the troops and a great deal of cheering.

"NOW, BACK HOME!" Claud raised her sword and looked triumphant, and everyone smiled at her warmly, knowing she was the reason for Orochimaru's sudden change of heart. "AND… TO SAKE!"

"For all of us. Except you and Nagi-kun." Orochimaru grinned at her, in the least evil way possible. "Underage drinking is a sin." Claud looked sad.

"Um… sensei… I wanted to say…" There was a moment of silence between the both of them, whilst the rest of the troops continued to be merry. "A… PLAGUE UPON YOU AND YOUR NEAREST KIN!" She poked him on the forehead really, really hard, earning a few laughs from the people who had seen it, a sweat drop from Nat, a shocked look from Oro, and a high five from Ro.

It could be said that the Sound Village had never been as happy as when they fled from that defeat.

**END  
**

**/seriousness… FOR A GREAT WHILE!**

**...It was painfully easy to write, what with all them clichés… Maybe we should go for the easy root more often instead of witty humour.**

**And Kakashi's love does not come from his sudden passionate love of Tilly, I'd be pretty upset, too, if I nearly killed a student O.o**

**Also, what pairings do you peoples want to see? TELL MEH! **

**Xxx Clood Sama**


	10. Aftermaths and Akatsuki

**Well, here it is: chapter Tenner. After all the angst and woe from last chapter, we're going to be needing rather a lot of witty humour to make up for the melodrama overload. …Oh, that requires thought. Aren't you readers lucky to have such a wonderful, effort making author…ess? **

…**Lul. "Tenner". Like the money!**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hay, Nat. Who was training you all this time?" Claud poked her friend, whilst walking through a corridor in the Sound Village.

"…Can you keep a secret? …That was a silly question, 'course you can't…" The two fell silent for a while, and kept walking, until Claud broke the silence.

"Hay, Nat. Where were you living?"

"You're going to keep pestering me until you finally show me my room, right?" Nat glanced at her friend, who was looking entirely innocent.

"Yep."

"In fact, knowing you, we've walked past my future room, and we're continuing to walk because you want information."

"…Yep." There was a further moment of silence as Nat considered her options. To thwack, or not to thwack? Thwack, obviously. And thwack Claud she did, despite being a few inches shorter than her victim. "…You thwacked me!"

"Well done, Sherlock." They both stopped walking. Claud grabbed Nat by the wrist and walked back in the direction they had been coming in rather briskly. "Oh, trying to get rid of me, now, are we?"

"I don't want to catch your smart germs." This earned a smirk from Nat. They rounded a corner, and stopped outside a nice oak looking door shortly after.

"...Claud, are there maps for this place?" Nat asked, looking slightly absent minded, staring at the door.

"What, think you'll get lost already? Just wait until you see the dojo area. Its all… 'HOLY CRAP I SWEAR I JUST SAW THAT WALL MARKING' and then you work out that somehow, by continuing in a straight line, you end up at your starting point…" Claud shuddered as she recalled her being 2 whole hours late for training because of that incident.

"…so basically, you still get lost?"

"…Yeah. Deal with the confusion, or ask someone. They probably won't bite you. Actually, they might do, depends on how that person you ask is feeling." Claud winked at Nat. "Oh, by the way, Ro's room, from here, is down the corridor…" She indicated further down the passageway, "And on the right. It's the one with the spray-painted vibrant green doors."

"A personal touch, I presume?"

"Naturally! Now, must go and check up on all my injured comrades! TA!" Claud waved at Nat energetically, and bolted off down the hallway, leaving Nat standing by herself.

"Wha? Clood… take responsibility for others? What is this world coming to?" She looked baffled for a while, overlooking the possibility that Claud, when prompted _could actually be reliable. _"Oh well. Not my problem." She turned briskly on her heels and strode through the door into her room, barely stifling an 'OMFG' at the niceness of he new abode. However, Nat being the suspicious person she is, checked the room twice over for spy cameras, only finding an ancient porn magazine to her disgust, which was promptly burnt in cold blood.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kakashi was fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper, whilst the nurse lady attempted to convey Tilly's condition in medical terms. This, however, meant very little to Kakashi, him not being versed (_at all_) in such speak. After a while, the nurse gave up on the complicated issues and delivered it to him candidly.

"The young girl is in a coma."

"Well…yes, I could tell that." Kakashi replied. That was too simple. Even for him.

"…and has mild internal damage, which should heal pretty quickly." Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. "Also… we found… this in your student's pocket when we changed her clothes." The nurse pulled an all too familiar book out of her pocket, and handed it to the startled Jounin.

"Icha Icha Paradise?!"

"You shouldn't let your students get their hands on books like this…" The nurse's voice took on an accusative tone.

"B-b-b-but I didn't…" There was a 'But how, then…?' moment, before it was dismissed by Naruto bursting in with Sakura.

"OI, we came to see how Tilly is!" The blonde haired boy still had bandages on from his encounter with Gaara and his preceding hospital stay, but otherwise was energetic as ever.

"…Do you even KNOW Tilly that well, Naruto?" Kakashi asked in a rather sarcastic tone, catching the blonde off-guard and reeling. Sakura put him out of his misery by continuing the conversation for him.

"Nothing like getting gifts and love from randomers!" She sweatdropped, and indicated to a basket of fruit held in her arms.

"Suuure."

"Its true, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto butted in. "…Wait, why are you holding an Icha Icha in a hospital! You're meant to be visiting your friends, not reading porn over their corpses!"

"Its not _porn_, its… an _erotic novel_, to be precise. And I was most certainly not reading it! THE NURSE GAVE IT TO ME!" He flung his arms up in emphasis, turning around to the nurse for support, however, she had slipped out of the room.

"…The… Nurse?" Sakura, knowing how perverted Kakashi could be, took this in the wrong way instantly. The way where sluts prance around in leather nurse outfits. "THE _NURSE _GAVE IT TO YOU!?"

"Yes, the nurse!"

"There is no nurse, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, looking about the room frantically in the hope of finding some form of 'nurse'.

"Come, we shall go find her, and she shall tell you both precisely what happened!" Kakashi proclaimed, almost dragging Naruto and Sakura out of the room in a desperate attempt to prove his innocence.

Tilly stirred in her bed, and her eyes slowly flitted open.

"OMFG I'M DEAD!" She struck a dramatic pose. "Killed by my one, true love! Oh, Kakashi!" She lay back down on the bed with a dramatic 'thump', and found herself looking at a note, strategically pinned on the ceiling, placed so that only her, lying in the bed could see it. "Oh, ho! A messenger?" She sat up again, and had to stand up in her bed to reach the note, upon procuring it, she instantly lay down again and groaned from the pain. Whence her ache was gone, she read the note.

_MAH TILLAY!_

_Last time I checked up on you (the end of our invasion), you were in a coma, and me thinking it rude to wake you up, I left this note so that you'd see it. Actually, I don't particularly care if anyone else sees it, but hey. ….Anyway, I, Nat and Ro have decided to take up permanent (or semi permanent) residence in the Sound Village.. If you wanted to come… tough, too bad. If you do find yourself longing for a new place of residence, just come and join us. We'll find somewhere for you to sleep. Maybe… dunno… When (and if) you come, for goodness sake, BRING SAUCEKAY WITH YOU! _

Tilly squinted at the piece of paper and could work out a badly drawn smiley face at the bottom. Claud had never been too proficient at art.

_Much love and crap, Clood. Yak also says 'hi'. Would you believe the little bugger was sleeping for the entire duration of the invasion? 'Toopid, 'toopid Yak… _

Tilly was rereading the note, attempting to fathom what had happened, when Rock Lee, Neji and Ten Ten burst in, forcing her to hide the note quickly.

"MY BROWN HAIRED LOVE!"

"BLOOG!" Tilly threw her one and only pillow at Rock Lee, who was clearly in a much better state after being bedridden for a while.

"Alas, my heart is broken once again…" He sighed and looked dejectedly out of the window. Ten Ten giggled in the 'I-don't-have-anything-to-say' way, and Neji looked stern.

"What is your status?" The Hyuuga asked solemnly.

"My… Status?" Tilly blinked. "…Oh, you mean 'how are you?' or 'what are your symptoms?'…? Well, I have no idea, I just woke up a few minutes ago, and I thought I was in heaven somewhere until I read-- … you came in. But, … buh." She stared up at Neji, who nodded and looked away, forcing a deathly silence to be instilled upon the room. Tilly sighed and looked down. _Did Kakashi… really abandon m---_

"Tilly…" Her thought process was interrupted by Kakashi approaching her slowly, looking unsure how to greet the student he nearly killed. Rock Lee and co took this as the sign to depart hurriedly. Which they did, after lingering at the door, hoping to catch some verbal action, however, naught was said until they were a long way away.

"Kakashi. I didn't kill anyone…" Tilly began, a slightly desperate tone underlying her voice.

"I… know. I found out from civilians…" There was an awkward pause, before Kakashi pulled out a more new looking Icha Icha Paradise copy than his out of his pocket. "This… belongs to you…"

"Kakashi, my book…" Tilly received it, eyes sparkling up at Kakashi, who attempted to scorn her.

"Underaged folk shouldn't be reading porn! And where the _hell _did you get that?!"

"The Internet."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"What the hell are you doing, Nagi?" Claud inquired, walking up to Nagi, who was peering around a corner at Nat, reading some form of scroll.

"I'm---" However, the poor guy was interrupted by Ro.

"He's stalkering Nat! He has been doing so for about an hour now!"A fiendish look crossed her face. "You don't think he's thinking… bad things, do you?" Claud, having instantly caught on, mirrored Ro's fiendish look.

"What, about Nat, or the scroll she's holding?" Nagi's face turned a rather deep red colour.

"Just what are you implying?!"

"You know what we're implying!" Ro and Claud retorted. At the same time.

"…'Toopid people…" He grumbled a little more. "Its just… she's so… admirable…"

"'Admirable'?" Claud winked, "You mean 'SMEXAYLOL!!!!11'?" Nagi twitched.

"Yeah, well, you know what?"

"…What?"

"Um… I don't know." He looked confused and bewildered. _Curses, verbally pwned! AGAIN! _"Oh, go pester Kimimaro or something…"

"Not before doing this!" And with that, Claud kicked Nagi out from behind the corner, startling Nat slightly. She was not used to random ninjas being kicked out from behind corners into a sprawled position right in front of her. Nat being Nat, instantly regained her cool face, and arched her eyebrow at Nagi.

"And what's this meant to be?"

"Your new stalker!" Ro declared stridently, throwing her arms up dramatically. However, she ceased this position when Claud dragged her off, fearing for her life. Nat, when angry, was scary.

"…Is what that idiot says… true?"

"I might have been there for a bit…" He pouted, and then found himself getting kicked rather swiftly in the head.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

9 shadowy figures stood in a dark cavern, the figures unrecognizable save for their distinct forms, muttering amongst themselves. This was entirely normal for Akatsuki: meetings away from the rest of the world in secluded spots.

"…What of those new girls? The ones supposedly from another dimension…?" A cool voice sounded, obviously Itachi's.

"Deidara… you had contact with one, I believe…?"

"She seems to have a naturally huge supply of chakra – and I mean like, jounin amounts, yeah…. I surveyed the others, and it's the same for them all, yeah. From what I managed to get out of Nat, and from my own observations, one of them is from Sand and has already been here a while – named Ro, one has been trained in Konoha by Hatake Kakashi – Tilly, and perhaps most interesting of all, 'Clood' is with Orochimaru, yeah." There was a murmur amongst them all.

"… Then surely we could use her to obtain his ring…?" Kisame had spoken up.

"However, according to Nat, she's a bit of a ditz, but not easily manipulated, yeah."

"But surely it's possible to get her to betray Orochimaru with the right leverage?" Kakuzu had said this, which brought with it a murmur of agreement.

"With what? Money? I'd say Orochimaru has lots of that." Sasori scoffed at his comrade's suggestion.

"What if we're just like… super nice to her, yeah?" A few had to stifle laughter when Deidara said this.

"Like, give her candy or crap?" Hidan's voice didn't come without sarcasm.

"I don't see why not, yeah."

"Because it's freaking stupid?" Their argument continued for a while, and was really getting no further. Kisame joined in, soon followed by a few sharp comments made by Itachi, the other members followed suit soon after, all except the leader. All in all, Akatsuki had never seen such a debate.

"For God's sake, silence! All of you!" There was a horrified silence. It was somewhat rare for the Leader to take such a loud voice on. "They're all acquaintances? Surely it would be simple if we used the Nat girl as an undercover agent to try and obtain the ring? Eventually, 'Clood' will find out and will most likely try to take the ring back. We accept whoever wins the fight as our new member – or new potential member."

"…However, there _is _a slight complication, yeah… It seems Nat has gone with Orochimaru, too. But, with me being her former sensei, it shouldn't be too hard to convince her to join our cause, right?" Deidara sighed. Thinking and plotting never really had been his specialty – especially not amongst such smart people.

"Fine. Deidara, Sasori, go to Konoha, your first leads should be there – they nearly always are. Find Nat – bring her to me." The Leader had once again regained his cool, almost uncaring voice.

"Yes, sir!" The two partners in question vanished from the room, leaving an invisible grin on the Leader's face – astral projection was ever so handy for hiding emotion.

**OMFG END CHAPTER! Also, a big huggle to reviewers, and… general people who read this and keep reading this. 'Coz they rock. **


	11. Nagi's angst, and a Proposition! WOW!

**MKAYZ … We are back at school now, so we _should _get more chapters. But should isn't definite, so lol. …However, we DO have our Oro and Kaka action figures to inspire us. Nat, however, is too stoic for an action inspiration albeit she got the action figures from Japan for us. –rabid giggling-**

**REVIEW WITH PAIRINGS! WE'RE DESPERATE! –sob-**

…**NOWZ, FOR 11VENER!**

oOOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – the room, which Nagi has by now exited. Finally.

Nat had finished reading the scroll after lobbing Nagi out of the window. She felt sleepy and dragged herself out of the room heading for the vibrant green doors which was Ro's room. She was about to twist the doorknob when she caught herself. She knocked instead.

"MAH NAT!"

Nat was blown away by the noise and she cowered on the opposite wall, staring at what looked like to be a disco ball and many mutilated stuffed animals at a table. Ro cocked her head and started walking menacingly towards Nat.

"…..Aren't you supposed to be with the Sand?"

"Yeah…..but who cares! I have the disco ball! And the----"

"..stuffed animals?"

"No, IDIOT! I can get those anywhere for stress relief!" Ro squealed while she pranced back to her room and slammed the door. Nat was still staring at the bright green doors many moments after Ro had shut the door.

"Oh…dear….god….I'll check Claud's room….."

She glanced up at the ceiling while trying to memorise where her weird friend's room was. She finally walked to the end of the corridor then turned left. She opened the door.

"HEY!"

"HEY!"

"….Sorry, Sakon. And Ukon."

She opened the next one, now on a guessing spree.

"mmm……HEY!"

"I know this isn't your room, Kabuto….." Nat shut the door and hoped that the last door on the corridor was Claud's room. She cautiously opened the door.

"….Claud?!"

She was responded to with a loud blast of noise due to the rather large rave going on in her room.

"And then I was like 'NO NAT, DON'T KILL ME' and she killed me and I was so sad, then I came to you for help…" Nagi moaned, taking a swig of sake.

"Okayz, first of all, my dear… Drinking won't help you. Second… That sake is crap – only sensei's sake is good, and his store is pretty damn hard to break into. And… Perhaps you should give up on Nat…" Claud was sitting opposite Nagi in her room, trying to be a therapist, whilst her room's constant rave went on in the background.

"BUT NAT IS… THE ONE!"

"Then you're going to die an old man with no friends."

"BUT… YOU'RE MY FRIEND!"

"Yeah. You go on believing that as long as you'd like. And for god's sake _put down the sake._" She glared at Nagi, who gulped at put the sake bottle down.

"Sorry ma'am…"

"Now. On with the-- … Nat, how long have you been here?" Nat shuffled backwards, looking disgruntled.

"I mean, its not like I've been here for a while… And – question, why oh why Clood, is your room a rave? How are you fitting all those…" Nat gestured to hordes of young people – college students, or so they appeared to be. "…Things. And… is that Alex?" She pointed to a drunk blonde in the corner. Claud turned round.

"…Srsly, what are you doing in my room, Alex?"

"A better question would be why MAXIM is in your room" she then pointed to a tall dude with a black afro dancing badly in a bikini, "I can still see him when I close my eyes…" she shuddered.

"Alex. Get the hell out of my room. And this village! And this world!"

"…But I have no where to go…" She sighed, and put down the sake bottle. "They took away my katana, dammit! MY KATANA!!!"

"And that's just proof that if you need a weapon in a world of ninjutsu… Then you're SCREWED. TOTALLY SCREWED! SO SCREWED THAT… YOU'RE SCREWED!" Claud pointed out the door. "Now leave me to my therapy sessions!"

"Only if you give me Light Yagami!"

"…but he's not in this world!"

"…do you have Light Yagami?"

"…no."

"Then I'm not moving."

"I'll give you some money and a practice sword, and some sake or crap. You can take Nagi if you want, but he's pretty whiney and annoying." Claud glared at poor Nagi, who was rolling around on the floor moaning.

"OH NAT! WHY!? FOR YOU DO NOT WEAR A HAT, BUT YOU ARE STILL NAT! NAT! OH WHY DID YOU… BAT…. ME AWAY!?"

"…ok, then." Alex picked up her sake bottle, and walked slowly towards the door. "I'll make my own way as a samurai!"

"…This is ninja world. _Ninja. _Stealthy people. Not samurai." Claud walked over to her cabinet, fighting her way past college students, and took a random practice sword out from it. "Now, Alex. If I give you the sword, and nothing else… will you go?"

"No."

"…FETCH, ALEX!" Claud threw the sword out of her room entrance, and watched as Alex dived after it, the 'samurai' being unaware that the door was to be shut soon after her departure.

"Well that killed some time, eh?" Nat said, staring absent mindedly at nothing.

"Yeah…" Claud nodded. She was staring at the college student types.

"Clood, why is there a rave in your room?"

"… Issa genjutsu." Claud dispelled the technique and sighed. "IT JUST LOOKS SO MUCH _COOLER _WHEN THERE'S A RAVE!"

"Because I'm obviously not wanted, I'm going." Nagi said obnoxiously and walked off towards the door angrily.

"NO! Don't open it! Alex is out there! Do you know what she's like?" Nat exclaimed, almost waving in a frantic manner. Nagi whipped around with sparkly eyes.

"Nat… you care…"

"…Yes. About me." With that, she disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the other two to ponder how they didn't think of that.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hey. So. Wait. There's no Hokage. So there's no missions. WHAT ABOUT MY MONAY?" Tilly shrieked, towing her IV behind her.

Kakashi was running frantically down the hallway, "You were just pumped with morphine! How are you still standing??"

"MONAAAAAAY" Tilly continually screamed, starting to run around in little circles, reminiscent of the final round of the chuunin battles. "Oh yeah, that reminds me. What happened to the chuunin promotions?"

"We can't promote anyone without a hokage."

The IV clattered to the floor. "You're kidding me. You're kidding me. This is all some sick, sick, morphine induced illusion, right?" Prodding Kakashi, she began to cry. "All those hours….learning….ninjutsu….FOR NOTHING?!?" It was back to screaming again. "I GUESS WE JUST NEED TO FIND A HOKAGE THEN, EH?"

"Hum. Yeah. Actually, I'm pretty sure we should go find someone else about that. So, you know. I'm not alone. You know. With you." Kakashi rubbed the back of his head.

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA Alrighty then." IV forgotten, Tilly skipped off, tugging Kakashi by the back of his shirt behind her. "We shall find Jiraiyaraiya!"

They did not find Jiraiya.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – TIIIIME SKIIIIP (no jutsu)

Two girl-- … boy-- … men walked up towards the gate of Konoha, shrouded in mist. They were Sasuke and Naruto, 24 years old. Lul, you just believed that, didn't you?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Smaller time skip.

Two girl-- … boy-- … men walked up towards the gate of Konoha, shrouded in mist. And big straw hats. None other than Itachi and Kisame were wearing the hats XDXDXDXDXDXD. Unfortunately for them, Tilly was on guard duty, there being severe lack of suitable ninjas due to the Konoha invasion.

"HALT THERE, SQUIRES!" Tilly shrieked, having not seen this episode in Naruto, hence not knowing who they were. Although the Akatsuki cloaks seemed to register in her mind. "Issa… Aka… Baka... Atako….Otaku…. Akasooo…. Akatsuki!" The pair stopped in their tracks, slightly bemused.

"You… know who we are." Itachi whipped off his straw hat. Tilly, however, was not entirely sure as to who the akatsuki members actually were, and was hence surprised at seeing Itachi's wee head poking out from that big cloak of his.

"OH EM GEE, ITACHI!" She ran up to him and stroked his face lines, and grasped his hand. "I love your fingernails… and your face… and … well… You… But not as much as Kaka." She raised her hand slightly and made an obscure gesture. "But… kind of close to Kaka…"

"…So you know my name, my organization, and I suppose you know my partner…?"

"That I do, my dear! FOR HE IS … KISSARMY!" She pointed at Kisame, who took his hat off slowly. People don't tend to move quickly when angered.

"…What did you just call me?"

"Kissarmy?"

"She's obviously mistaken, come, Kisame." Itachi muttered, walking straight past Tilly.

"I'm not mistaken… OH, ITACHI! WHY!? COME BACK! WAIT! NO! DON'T GO INTO KONOHA! Uh… I'M REALLY NARUTO." Thinking _did I really just save a blonde ninja in an orange jumpsuit? Hm. I think I did. _"Wait, no I'm not Naruto. But I can't let you go in, coz you're ebil." Tilly looked at the back of her hand. "And 'coz… Naruto is an 'asset… to Konoha'… Thank god Kakashi wrote that on the back of my hand…"

"Hatake Kakashi? The copy ninja?" Both of the akatsuki had stopped.

"…Another with the sharingan."

"Teehee. But a weird sharingan which will make him BLIND because the fan fictions say so! But only blind in the sharingan eye…" Tilly remembered all those fanfics that she had dedicated all her evenings and summer holidays to. Well, one summer holiday. But that's still sad.

"We'll come back for that later. We're here for…." Kisame stopped himself before saying something absurdly stupid, regardless of the fact that Tilly was pretty sure they were either here for Naruto, Sasuke or the Philosopher's Stone.

She reached a conclusion. "You can't have the Philosopher's stone!" With that, she ran up to, and slapped Kisame. Itachi, however, had already left the scene and entered Konoha. Stupid Itachi, being efficient and sensiblyorientatedstuffwhichislikebuh… sensible.

"No, wait for me, Itachi-san!" Kisame spun around on his heels and ran after Itachi, leaving Tilly alone being all '…omfg we're all going to die'. She, in turn, abandoned her post to go tell someone about the events of the past 10 minutes, allowing the other two akatsuki – Sasori and Deidara to waltz into Konoha with ease. And then Nat on her highly secret mission of doom.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

And then Naruto woke up and it was all a dream. THUS ENDING THE FANFICTION. No.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"…Hay, sensei, is it such a good idea to send _Nat _to Konoha as our spy?" Claud randomly asked in the middle of a training session – both sensei and evil apprentice in random battle stances.

"Why the emphasis on the 'Nat'?" Oro replied, obviously holding some form of sardonic undertone to his voice.

"BUT WHAT IF THEY EAT HER?! I DON'T WANT ROCK LEE TO EAT MY FRIEND!"

"… That's highly doubtful, my dear." They both lowered their swords in the least twisted way possible.

"What if she betrays us before Lee can eat her?"

"Its better than her betraying us here… Here there are plenty of people to kill in their sleep, and easily accessed aswell…"

"You sound like you speak from experience… Oh dear, who have you been betraying in their sleep?"

"Konoha, idiot." Oro thwacked her with the flat side of the sword in a rather stylish manner, coz he's Oro, and Oro is just stylish.

"…WAIT WHAT ABOUT AKATSUKI!?" A sudden 'flick' happened in Clood's brain as she realised that she had entirely neglected the Akatsuki throughout her entire Naruto adventure. Yay, now it sounds like some form of… weird thing… 'Naruto Adventure', lul…

"… What about Akatsuki?"

"I bet they're going to kidnap NAT!"

"Yeah probably."

"I hate you sensei."

"I love you, too, kid." There was definitely sardonicness in that. And sardonicness makes Clood sad. Very sad.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo BACK TO KONOHAR

Tilly was running rather frantically to Ichiraku ramen in a desperate attempt to find Iruka/Naruto/the guy who runs the Ichiraku stand to inform them of the woe that has befallen the world. Not that it had occurred to her to run to the Hokage tower or anything, luckily she ran into Gai. Or unluckily.

"AKATSUKI HAVE FALLEN FROM THE SKY!"

"The girl of my student's friendship! What is this that you say? The Akatsuki have fallen from the sky? Perhaps I should tell Kakashi…"

"Yes, tell Kakashi!"

"No, I shall not tell Kakashi, I shall tell Asuma, because he is more youthful and less modern!" Gai made a silly pose and ran off before Tilly could reply.

Unknowingly to both of them, Nat was hiding around the corner and eavesdropped on the entire conversation. She realised what was happening and also saw Gai coming for her at full speed. While she was contemplating what she could do at that moment, Gai stopped and peered down at her while Nat slowly turned around, hidden by her black cloak.

"GAAAAH! ACK!" She fell down from shock. The impact resulted in her hood falling off. Gai peered down.

"I seem to have knocked down an innocent damsel in distress! But wait…aren't you….Nat?!" Gai screamed while doing a dramatic pose. Nat scrunched up her eyes and readied herself for a fight. _But... He is only doing a dramatic pose...Hey…Maybe no one saw me… _Nat brushed herself off.

"My business is to talk with Tilly, not with you, Gai. Sensei."

"Oh woe! The brown-haired damsel is over there. She is returning to her position on guard." Gai said, running away to finally tell Asuma, who was with Kurenai, what was going on.

"Tilly…..On guard for Konoha? …I didn't see anyone when I came in…Ho boy, Konoha's screwed." Nat walked nonchalantly to where the guard post was and shouted through the open door.

"Tilly! Tis Nat!"

Silence. Then an accusative voice came through the wall.

"You left me here….Hey! I didn't see you come in! How the hell—"

"Because you're the most crappy guard I've ever seen." Nat walked through the door. "I'm staying in Konoha temporarily. Tell no one of my allegiance; it seems that no one saw me killing ANBU the other week." Nat muttered. She did the ninja-disappear-out-of-nowhere thing and left Tilly standing in the dust, coughing.

"Ah, shiz, I didn't tell her about Itachi and Kisame… Ho well… Not mah problem." She looked contented and leaned back into her chair and promptly fell asleep.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Sasori-danna… I swear we saw that Icha poster an hour ago, yeah…" Deidara muttered, holding up a map of Konoha in a puzzled manner. He and his partner were wearing rather large baseball caps to disguise their identities. Well, in an attempt to, anyway.

"I thought you'd said you'd been here before, Deidara…" Sasori replied with an icy tone, in his human form.

"What, you think I actually went in to the village, hmm? I just found my way to the arena, found myself a pub and drank sake with some random chick called Alex, yeah." Deidara sighed. "Oh how I wish we didn't have to do this, yeah…"

"Well we do, stop complaining. Do you remember where the arena was?"

"…No."

"The pub?"

"Hard to forget that one, yeah." Deidara grinned, then wheeled around and pointed three meters in front of him. At the pub.

"So… You didn't tell me you recognised the pub?"

"Why the hell would I bother, hmm? You'd just question my motives of why I was in a pub drinking sake with a chick called Alex in the first place, yeah. …Oh how I wish Nat was here, hmm…" However, at this point, Nat herself walked from around the corner. Sasori smiled as best he could, and walked up to Nat.

"Hi, excuse me," He tried to put on a 'nice' voice. "Could you direct me to the Hokage office? I'm on my way there for… refuge."

"The Hokage office? Certainly, head down that road…" Nat indicated in the right direction, "Right, left, if you want, you could hop over the hospital or go around if if you can't, then just head straight and you should get there."

"Thank you ever so much, young miss! Come, Dei…maru!" Sasori laughed nervously, and walked off, following Nat's directions with Deidara following closely in tow. They both swore never to do something so stupid again.

"…They seemed kind of familiar… wait… Dei…maru? Deidara? Then that means… the other one would be … Sasori?" She whipped around to face the two Akatsuki who were casually walking off. "Sasori! Deidara!"

"…Hi, Nat, yeah." Came Deiara's ashamed voice.

"Why in god's name are you here?"

"Shall we be really honest, yeah?" Deidara asked, turning around whilst removing his cap at the same time. Sasori did the same.

"Yes." Came Nat's icy reply. Surprisingly, Sasori was the one to answer her.

"We're here to use you to get back Orochimaru's Akatsuki ring (which he still has) via 'Clood', and then force a competition between you and your friend to see who is more worthy of joining us."

"O…kay. Good luck with that." Nat glared at them, turned around and walked off in a generally foul mood. _As if. First of all, there's practically no benefit in me aiding them… 'Cept for joining Akatsuki which would be awesome, okay, first excuse gone…, But I'd have to fight Clood for that… Hell, she wouldn't even fight for it, she'd outright refuse. Hey, at least I wouldn't have to pwn her butt over it, I really can't see that idiot winning against me… _

"Nat, come back! Please! Come on! Don't you want to join Akatsuki? A collection of the most powerful ninjas in existence?" Deidara was jogging after Nat, now, with Sasori following calmly behind.

"Great as it would be, first of all, it would spoil the story. Don't ask – inside thing, secondly, I don't really have any reason to go against Orochimaru – he hasn't exactly wronged me aside from the cursed seal, but that was an accident. Thirdly, if you want Clood to help, forget it, she's too Oro obsessive there's no way she'd aid you. Fourthly, even if she _did _help to get the ring back for some obscure reason, I'm not fighting her for a place, she'd get too badly injured. Fithly, _I'm not one of the world's top ninjas._"

"Yeah, that's slightly obvious, yeah. That's why we'd train you up so you would be, yeah."

"What Deidara says is true, either you or your friend have a place, and its down to you two to settle it between you. We have no further business here, come, Deidara."

"…Well, see ya, Nat, yeah!" And with that, the two of them disappeared, leaving Nat standing alone with a serious temptation to take them up on their offer – but without telling Clood anything. She'd get Orochimaru's Akatsuki ring by her self.

**A.N. …OMFG THAT WAS LONG CHAPTER. If ya'll didn't notice, we did some very, very minor changes to chapter oner, i.e. rephrasing and shiz, so if you're really bored, you could always go read that. X3 **

**READANDREVIEWORWESENDTILLYANDCLOODONSUGARTOKILLYOURNEARESTKINORPETORSOMETHINGORWHATEVER.**

**Byee! –insert happy face here- **


	12. Itachi, Kissarmy and the lack of Tsunade

**Greetings my… _dear _reviewers. Or, perhaps not so dear. If you _are _going to flame us (not that you'd want to…), please, at least offer constructive advice? If that's too much, then don't bother reviewing at all. Reviews which read 'OMFGURFANFICISSUCKIGODIENOW' really aren't appreciated, first of all, they fail to specify why, secondly they decrease _our _moral fibre. Except Tilly's. She has no moral fibre.**

…**If you've been reviewing nicely, telling us how great it is, or giving us advice, then we love you for eternity. We really do.**

**BEGIN TWELVER LUL**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Claud flopped down on her bed and groaned whilst her 'computer' (note, Kabuto had tried to construct her some form of computer, however, he wasn't quite so successful on constructing an entire internet) started up. The lack of computer really had brought something to light in Clood's eyes: a computer without internet is weak. Why is it weak? Because it lacks stuff to do. She rocked back upwards on to her feet from her position on the bed, and stared bleakly at the screen, reading 'Error'. It would have been a perfectly normal thing for her, and she would have ignored it and restarted, save for the bit she was thoroughly angry after four hours of non stop tortu--- training. Same thing. Now, because of her foul mood, she did the only thing she knew to do. She raised her twitching hand in preparation for smashing the useless thing up, and just as her hand was about to meet the screen, someone knocked at her door.

"Come in, or whatever, or stuff…"

"Hay, Clood-sama!"

"MASTAH TAY! You didn't forget about me after all!" And with that, the two self-proclaimed Sisters of Awesomeness hugged gleefully, well, one was gleeful, the other knew what was to happen to her friend in the Sasuke retrieval arc.

"LET US GO AND GET SOME EATS FROM SENSEI'S KITCHEN!" Tayuya proclaimed joyously.

"…So you're saying we break in to his room complex, sneak along to his kitchen _which is in the back, next to his room, _make our way across the main flooring area complete with motion detectors and crack the security code to his fridge? Wow. Sounds fun. Also, his main study is the front room, do you really think he won't be there at the moment?" Claud replied, a sarcastic glint in her eye.

"That's why we shall distract him."

"What with?"

"Nagi. In lingerie running around screaming."

"…I'm beginning to like this."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Ah, shiz. Stupid Akatsuki, screwing up my head!" Nat randomly cried, in the middle of the Hokage Tower foyer. A few jounin blinked at her. "…It's a sit com. The Akatsukiu…ku…stuff are like, the bad guys in the sit com, and … look at that camera over there!" She pointed behind the general mass of the jounin peoples, and stormed into the Hokage office, sincerely hoping there'd be someone there.

"A girl! A fine girl has sought me out!" Jiraiya proclaimed, sitting in his Hokage-stand-in chair, grinning merrily.

"Oh, God. Can we get Tsunade now?" Nat looked at the floor sourly, grumbling.

"A fair few people have asked me that. The disturbing thing is, … well, they just shouldn't know about her." Jiraiya stared absent mindedly into the distance. "But how may I help you, my dear?" A perverted smile flashed across his face.

"I was kidnapped by the Hidden Village of Sound and held captive for about two weeks, after which time I escaped and fled here."

"You escaped from Orochimaru, one of the worlds' most powerful ninja?" Jiraiya had serious doubts in him now.

"With their weakened forces, it wasn't too hard."

"I'll take your word for it then. Would you like to go to the hot springs now?" Jiraiya winked suggestively at Nat, who shuddered and walked out of the room coldly.

"I strongly suggest that we depart from here, Naruto might need you." Hint hint.

"….Okay."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Tilly sighed boredly. However, something clicked in her mind. _Kakashi gets bedridden about now… Itachi and Kissarmy… Kisame are here… Connection? … CONNECTION! _She stood bolt upright and ran out of the guard post, severely panicking. _Crapola, Kakashi's gonna get pained 'cause I let Kissarmy and Itachi through!_

"I'M COMING KAKASHI SENSEEEEI!" She knew roughly where the fight was meant to be occurring, giving her a relatively small advantage in terms of quick finding. Once she had in fact reached the right place, she was in fact, too late – arriving just in time to see Kakashi falling to the ground under the effect of Itachi's Tsukiyomi.

"…YOU BASTARD!"

"Hmm?"

"Yeah, you ninja bastard nasty hot…cute…ninja dude. BAD!" However, Itachi and Kisame had already departed with evil smirks on their faces, laughing amusedly. "You come back here and fight me, you bastards!" She was met with silence and Kurenai, Gai and Asuma's sympathetic looks. "…I'm going to chase them. Don't stop me." With that, she took off after the two Akatsuki.

DUM BUM BUUUUUUUM

"What an odd Gennin."

"…YOUTH! In its finest…"

"She's an idiot…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Naruto sat alone in his room, waiting for Jiraiya to come back. First, Jiraiya finds him, then he disappears with a woman, then he … just… made noises with the woman, and that was how Naruto was alone. In the world. Like Sasuke. …SasuNaru. YAY. Not.

A strong knock sounded at the door, forcing Naruto to look up abruptly. He burst into a wide grin, and ran to the door expecting Jiraiya, he did not find Jiraiya, he found Itachi and Kisame. Oh, my. You weren't expecting that, were you now? Not that you knew from the anime… What anime?

"Naruto-kun. I would like you to come outside with us."

"Well, that sentence could be easily corrupted." Twas Tilly, who, true to her word, had followed Akatsuki. With a small drawback; she was completely tired out from running through the suburbs narrowly 'avoiding' old ladies with shopping baskets and completely missing Jiraiya getting lectured by Nat regarding the fact that the sexy woman who had just walked by was JUST an illusion.

Kisame groaned. "Here we go….." He turned towards her and pulled out his Samehada.

"Uchiha Itachi." Sasuke muttered, just behind Tilly.

"YOU'RE STEALING MY FIGHT!" Tilly screamed, having recovered from the rather long dashing process.

"You stole mine at the Chuunin exams."

"…Fair enough." Tilly stepped back to watch the drama, waiting for the opportune moment to once again steal Sasuke's honour. She waited long enough until Itachi gripped Sasuke's neck against the wall.

"Hate me, detest me, live in an unsightly way, and when you have the same eyes as I do, return before me."

"I have the same eyes as you Mr Itachi-san!" Tilly made a dramatic pose as Sasuke got owned by the Tsukiyomi. "You're not even listening to me, you little people! Hey…the wall just transformed into this giant frog's stomach! Cool!" Indeed, it was Jiraiya (dragging Nat along behind him) who activated his frog stomach jutsu which was rather rapidly sucking Itachi and Kisame into the stomach walls. Fun.

"'Lo, Tilly." Nat muttered, thoroughly pissed that she was forced to accompany Naruto AND Jiraiya to fight ANOTHER Akatsuki pair; the group which, naturally, she was at rather awkward terms with.

"NAAAAAT! YOU MUST HELP US! SASUKE IS------" Tilly cried, waving her arms around.

"I. Know. Already. Idiot." A loud explosion sounded, signifying Itachi's use of the Amaterasu. There was a moment of silence as they kind of… stared into the distance, allowing the Akatsuki pair to flee.

"Well that wraps things up." Naruto stated bluntly, finding the situation amusing, despite the fact that it really wasn't. Poor Sasuke, quivering on the floor. But hey, what do we care?

It was at this moment Jiraiya sighed, released the frog stomach jutsu and walked up to sealing the Amaterasu, with everyone watching behind him. Once this ritual had been completed, Nat spoke up.

"Right. I'll go back to Konoha with Tilly," she groaned. "I'll leave Sasuke to you." She grabbed Tilly by the wrist and together, the pair sped off to Konoha, leaving Jiraiya, Naruto, and Sasuke's body to deal with themselves.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" Gai roared. Naruto looked bemusedly at the green-clad man who kicked Jiraiya in the nose.

"Wow. I just lost some respect for my sensei!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Itachi-san, I have a question." Kisame piped up as they fled from the battle.

"…?"

"Why were we sent here when Deidara and Sasori are already in Konoha?"

"Our missions are different, are they not? What I want to know is where those two were. If they had been there to aid us, I doubt even the great Jiraiya," The last two words were spoken in a subtle mocking tone, "could have stood up to four Akatsuki…" Itachi swallowed tightly, attempting to disguise his laboured breathing from Kisame.

"Unless they felt secure about their grip over Nat's mind and have left already."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru sighed, staring bleakly over Kabuto's unconscious body, the result of a 'sparring' match getting slightly out of hand. He had pushed Claud a little to far, needless to say, she didn't take mockery too well. An hour later, the medic found himself being ambushed by Claud, Nagi, Ro and Tayuya. Quite naturally, he didn't stand a chance against the four of them. Thankfully for Kabuto, Orochimaru happened to be walking down the particular corridor in which the assault was occurring, and was able to stop the senseless violence.

And that was how Kabuto was lying on a bed, covered in his own blood, in a coma.

"Do you have anything to say, Clood?"

Claud looked down, suppressing bouts of hysterical laughter. Orochimaru was containing a smile as well, but it he had decided it best not to encourage her antics.

"…We need a new healer?" It was at that moment when the repressed amusement came to the surface, Claud was laughing hysterically, and Orochimaru was just amused.

"That's all very well, my dear, but we don't _have _any other healers in Sound." Orochimaru made a mental note to rectify that once the Kabuto situation had been resolved.

"TSUNADE! Let's go get Tsunade!" She hadn't really thought about it before, but if all went according to Kishimoto's version of Naruto, she still had the opportunity to watch and participate in the Sannin battle. Due to different circumstances, namely her insight and assistance, Orochimaru was almost certain to win, and she'd be there to reap the benefits. Not only that, but she could even spark some OroTsu if she tried really hard, which she undoubtedly would.

"And how is it that you know who Tsunade is?" Orochimaru strolled to the back of the room where he sat down in a chair, looking rather content with his choice of seating, not really paying much attention to his last question, despite him being the one who inquired.

"Like I said, in my world, this is all a book!" Claud walked over to Orochimaru and was about to sit on him, but was stopped by 'evil vibes of doom', as she so aptly named murderous intent. "You, Sasuke-kun, Tsunade, Konoha… everything!"

A glint of recognition flickered in Orochimaru's eyes. "I suppose this confirms it." He sighed, preparing to answer the inquisitve look swelling up in Clood's eyes. "At first I assumed it to be the result of inside knowledge that you were able to warn me about Sarutobi's final efforts, but after listening to you and your friends talking about the 'future', it has become subsequently clearer that you were, in fact, telling the whole truth as it is to happen."

Claud nodded energetically, pretending to have been listening. "Uh-huh, and if I'm thinking rightly, taking a few people to go get Tsunade is the right step. And really, being nice to her is the key – promising to resurrect her loved ones will get you far, but Naruto will totally kill your efforts."

"Alright. If you so say so." Orochimaru had quickly worked out that resining to Claud's ideas when she was this sure of them was always a good thing. "Let's go get Tsunade. We'll leave in three hours if we're ready."

"ZOMG TEH AWESOME!" And before she could be reprimanded for her boisterous attitude, she ran off to find the people she had in mind for the escapade to find Tsunade, i.e. all people she was on speaking terms with, meaning… about four or five people. It wasn't that she was unfriendly to them, the contrary, it was them that were unfriendly to her – she named them 'flamers'.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Three ninjas stared bleakly out of Konoha's gates, Nat, Naruto and Jiraiya. It was safe to say they didn't seem overly enthusiastic about setting off in the pouring rain, despite their noble intentions.

Naruto sighed. "You think the rain is meant to be some sort of bad omen?" He raised his arms behind his head and sighed again.

"Probably, if you remember that girl, Claud, who I came with… well, we'll probably be fighting her and a fair few others." The sighing was obviously infectious, as Nat sighed as well upon finishing her doom predictions.

"Now, now, kids, we'll come to the strategies and stuff later!" Jiraiya moaned, obviously bored by the serious vein of conversation. "First, we have fun!"

Both Naruto and Nat glared at Jiraiya, not too enthusiastic about Jiraiya's idea of fun. In fact, only a pervert would find joy in the Toad Sennin's doings, and neither of the children were perverts. Well, perhaps Naruto had a slightly crude streak in him, but Nat certainly didn't.

"NAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaat!" Came a very familiar voice. Tilly was running towards the three of them, jumping up and down excitedly. "Take me with you!" She pulled out a very obviously henged-stick-into-taiser and brandished it at Jiraiya, assuming him to be the mission leader.

"One more girl for the team, I suppose!" Jiraiya turned away from them, concealing a horrifically perverted grin on his face.

"….Great. Another mouth to feed." Was all Nat said, or perhaps 'moaned' would be the more appropriate word there.

Tilly pointed out of Konoha excitedly along side Naruto. "TO TSUNADE!" They both yelled simultaneously, glaring at each other afterwards for 'stealing each others words'.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"ALRIGHTY THEN!" Ro yelled, striking a joyous pose, imitating Ace Ventura in an almost perfect manner. It would have been even more perfect if she'd been less manic. Yeah, she's more manic than Ace.

Nagi whimpered, buckling under the weight of everyone's bags. Naturally, they had elected him as the donkey, the only vote for someone else was for Clood to be the donkey, but that was Nagi's vote, and his vote didn't count in anyone's eyes. In fact, his vote was so disregarded, he himself proclaimed it to be invalid - however, he had forgotten this, and was hence moaning.

"I suggest you stop whining, or you'll be carrying weapons as well." Nagi found it fairly creepy that Orochimaru could say that with a smile on his face. Not the nice type of the smile - the type that you excpect before a heartless massacre, although it seemed that the Snake Sannin's appetite for merciless slaughter was lessening.

"Yes, sir…" No more complaints were heard from Nagi for three days after that.

Claud looked around at her team, the ever boisterous Ro, the self proclaimed idiot, Nagi, her adored (by very few) sensei, Orochimaru, and herself. With such individuals, anyone could easily say merely their uniqueness would ensure victory regardless… They were really rather wrong, such a mismatched team would probably bested by… well, … dunno.

"Let's go, kids." This was accompanied by a smile, something growing steadily more frequently in Orochimaru's 'emotion-repetoire'.

"About bloody time, too!"

END END END END

**We have a minute to write this before the end of break o.o hope you enjoyed the chapter—oh, god, the bell!**


	13. How to travel in not so good company

**Once again, a big, big cookie to reviewers, if they did review… we haven't looked yet… School bans ff. Stupid school, ruining the point of the author note! **

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Deidara strode arrogantly into the Akatsuki's main hideout, humming a little tune to himself, evidently in a good mood having successfully met and, in his mind, persuaded Nat to join them. All heads turned towards him, foul expressions on their faces. Clearly they did not appreciate singing. Sasori was walking beside him in his human form. Some random children had sabotaged Hiruko, so he decided it was far from a good idea to continue on his way in it.

"What is that … abominable tune, Deidara?" Kakuzu inquired vaguely, not caring whether it was answered or not.

"I made it up, yeah!" That explained the 'abominablness'. "But about Nat, we successfully planted the seeds of doubt in her mind, yeah!"

The Akatsuki leader sighed, hoping feverently that Deidara would… well… mature. "Good job, it seems all we can do now is wait."

"Fun." After Kisame had said this, the entire room fell into silence, well, almost silence. Deidara's little tune was keeping it from being perfectly quiet.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Ano, sensei…" Clood said, an evil grin on her face. "Do you … like like Tsunade?" There was an appalled hush as Nagi, Ro and Orochimaru stopped walking and turned to face her, one of them wearing a significantly more evil look than the others. "Seriously."

"… Why should I?"

"Its just you seemed to agree so feverently with me when I asked whether we could get Tsunade…" Clood, to escape pain and woe, was putting on a cute voice, one that no one could doubt. Not even her cold, evil sensei. Surely.

Oro didn't answer, and just kept on walking, although Nagi, being the closest to him, could swear he heard something along the lines of 'someone such as I does not belong with anyone' being muttered darkly, although he thought it prudent not to tell anyone. No one would believe him for starters, and he feared punishment for speaking.

"Okay, if we ignore the angsty topic as of a few minutes ago," Ro interrupted, "Isn't this like… an awesomely great opportunity to train together? We haven't actually done that yet, and I presume we're on the same team." She blinked, attempting to work out where the burst of intelligence had come from, but dismissed it as something coming from spending too much time around geniuses.

Something clicked in Clood's mind. "Great! Let's take a walking rest and set up a camp here!" _And I'll have plenty of time to badger sensei about Tsunade… Orochimaru, I have you now…_ She sat down on the floor stubbornly. "If you don't let us stop, sensei, you'll have to kick me the whole way." Ro joined Clood in her sitting position, and after much hand motioning, Nagi was participating in their rebellion.

"…I don't think your protesting is quite necessary. I, too was thinking the same thing." The three kids couldn't help but notice a certain amount of ice in his voice, obviously stemming from Tsunade-asking-induced-rage.

"COOL!" Clood leapt to her feet, surpressing an evil cackle. "Come, Ro, for we shall go and collect firewood whilst Nagi suffers at sensei's hands!" Before anyone could object, the two lunatics had run off, laughing maniacally.

"Sensei…? Am I gonna suffer?" Came Nagi's meek voice.

"You bet." There was an awed silence between the two, as Nagi started shuddering, surely not from fear or anything. "If only I could get away with that…" Orochimaru said, glancing to the side in an annoyed fashion. "Go find Clood and Ro, ambush them and see how they do against you. I'll be here reading, though I might just leave you behind if you take too long."

"YESSIR!" Nagi saluted and hopped off, it was only until he had left Orochimaru's presence did he realise that he … really didn't know how to go about attacking two girls without offending them. What if they were having a bath instead of doing their duty? What if they mistook him for a rapist? Okay, so the last one wasn't such a problem, but… What if he walked in on a yuri scene? He stopped and shook all these thoughts of with a disgruntled expression. No, he was sure they'd be collecting wood like normal people. However, this raised a few more questions. Fire jutsus would burn stuff and create too much smoke, water was pretty pointless on Clood and Ro, Ro especially, what with her being a water user and all. He didn't know any lighting jutsus, he blamed that on Orochimaru neglecting him. He was pretty shiz with wind, and, despite earth being his affinity, it was slightly hard to use in a forest where the trees were compacted. He concluded one thing. Life sucked. All this would not have been necessary if he remembered that he did in fact have mastery of chakra knives on his side.

"If only, if only I had a weapon!" He moaned aloud, being angry 'n stuff. Then it hit him. "Oh, right. I do have a weapon. Cool." He nodded in an attempt to reassure himself and walked off humming a little, reassuring tune, forgetting that ninjas, are in fact, meant to be silent. Then again, since when has anyone complied with that rule?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Tilly started whistling loudly, something that sounded a lot like…

"Tilly, stop that whistling! Ninjas are meant to be silent!" Nat glared.

"Since when has anyone complied with that rule? Besides, we're hardly doing anything ninja-like. I mean, Naruto's even skipping."

"I am not! It's … joyful walking!" The blonde ninja pouted, sincerely hoping that people would stop staring at him from the sides of the road. Nat groaned boredly, and raised her arms behind her head in a stretching motion. Jiraiya was observing all three of them with a grin on his face. Well, he was observing Nat and Tilly, but was pretending to watch Naruto so he wouldn't do anything silly, like eat wood bark.

"It's a ramen!" Tilly suddenly shrieked, and pointed into the distance, "Go Naruto, GO!" She snickered as he bounded off in the general direction she was pointing in.

"Why on Earth did you do that?" Nat sighed.

"I saw a shiny penny, and I wanted Naruto to go away so it would be mine." She bent down and picked up said shiny penny, and stored it safely in the crevices of her top before straightening up again. "So, Jiraiya-raiya-san, how much further till we find Tsunade?"

"Well, we don't exactly know where she is, hence I'm not sure how far we'll have to walk. But, I would've thought that's obvious." Jiraiya was still trying to figure out where Tilly had concealed that shiny penny, her top having no pockets to speak of and him not being one of the brightest of fellows. "Although, if we ask around I'm sure we'll come up with something! I have this handy Tsunade picture that I carry around with me!" He pulled a picture of Tsunade out of his top. Clearly, he was not the only one able to conceal things without pockets.

"And of course it's not suspicious that you carry a picture of Tsunade around under your clothes or anything…" Nat muttered, reaching her limit of annoyedness, which wasn't a particularly great extent. "Then again, you're a porn writer. What else is one to expect of you?"

"LOTS OF PORN!" Jiraiya cried, throwing his arms into the air. This sent random passers by into a state of horror, especially the nice looking old ladies. Now that one thinks back, quite a few old ladies have been harmed throughout the fic. Our grandmothers would be ashamed. Just like that time when we spent three hours chasing squirrels for kicks and ended up getting kicked out of a park. Okay, that was just me, Nat was asleep…I think Tilly ate her grandmother… However, this has little, if nothing, to do with WBWDC, so we shall return you to the main program… er… thing… I don't know anymore.

It was at this fine moment that Naruto came running back, obviously unhappy with Tilly. Naruto was normally a cheerful, docile boy, however it was Konoha public knowledge that when someone … misled him about ramen, he got angry. Very angry. This was illustrated perfectly by the Kyuubi chakra leaking out from around him in evil looking waves.

"THASSA NO MEANT TO HAPPEN!" Tilly cried hysterically, not having any idea what was going on. It was only at this moment that Nat realised Tilly really hadn't been paying attention to the mere 10 Naruto episodes she had watched. Naruto slowly made his way towards Tilly, while looking more and more fearsome with every step he took. Tilly backed away until she hit a tree, yet her fear was dispelled after Nat stuck a leg out in front of Naruto, tripping him up.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – …Somewhere… within Naruto's body

The Kyuubi groaned. "It feels like I just got tripped over by a cynic. Urgh…."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Back with Tilly 'n co.

Naruto rolled over on to his back, muttering darkly about 'trepidation', 'angst', 'strife', 'ramen', 'stuff' and 'dattebayo'. The last one was deeply frowned upon.

"But wait!" Tilly grinned and stuck her hand in the air.

"What?"

"I finally figured out which language version of Naruto we're in!" Tilly smiled happily.

"No you haven't, nitwit. He said 'believe it' when we first arrived." Came Nat's reproaching reply, accompanied by a flawless evil stare.

"Damn inconsistencies." Tilly swore a little, and stomped the ground unhappily, cursing life for small details which tend to go awry.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Back with Ro and Clood, in which there is a fair amount of fighting, pain and senseless OC bashing.

Clood was happily hacking at a tree with her sword, as she had no hacksaw, in an attempt to gather lots and lots of fire wood. She was competing with Ro to see who could demolish the most trees in an hour. It had not occurred to either of them to use ninjutsu. Why? Because they're really 'toopid.

It was at this fine moment when a kunai whizzed at Clood's head in that evil way which kunais do-

"TOOPID ANIME NEWBIES!" Tilly yelled, as more first years intercepted the IT block. However, this was over a second later, as the anime newbies found themselves dead on the floor. O-ho. No more AMV Hell 3 for them.

… It was at this fine moment when a kunai whizzed at Clood's head in that evil way in which kunais do, sending her into an instant 'WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE' mode. This was short lived, as she remembered that she was, in fact, a ninja, and had an unrivalled ability at dodging stuff. And dodge she did, even managing to catch the kunai as it travelled to her right.

"OH HO, I HAFF HAVE COME TO RAPE YOU, SILLY GIRLS!" Yelled Nagi, attempting to hide under a bad genjutsu. So bad, his transformation even had his not quite living spiky hair, and his retarded grin. Both Ro and Clood blinked at each other, fully aware who was facing them. Somehow, Nagi did not quite catch on to the fact that they had 'seen through his technique', so, being all smart and stuff, Ro and Clood acted … badly, and pretended not to recognize him.

"Oh, no! Please do not rape us, oh bandit looking dude who most certainly can't be our team mate!" Ro yelled, making eccentric hand motions.

"Oh, bandit, please don't!" Clood echoed, also making eccentric motions.

"Oh-ho. I am an awesome bandit, so… yeah." There was a moment of silence as everyone shifted, unsure what to do. Instead of the one who was meant to be iniating rape attacking first, Clood took that upon herself, and charged at Nagi, sword at the ready. Following a brief 'I-slash-you-to-bits' 'oh-no-you-don't' bout, Clood jumped back and stood along side Ro, actually being relatively smart. Nagi, realising his disguise was failing, released it. Now, let's take a trip to Clood's mind! _Kay. He prolly won't go for elements against us, coz not even he's that stupid, but he'll probably go for his chakra knives, meaning long range combat is the way forward. Which I suck at. Woot._

Ro shifted uncomfortably, obviously thinking the same thing as Clood. Neither of them were particularly proficient in long range. Or so they thought. In fact, neither of were too bad at it, Clood having quite a few fire and a few wind jutsus at her disposal, and Ro's natural ability to control water. Like a kekkei genkai. However, no one wanted to tell her that because it would inflate her ego like a big water melon on growing steroids.

"Hey, Ro, don't you have the water thing?"

"Yeah, don't you have the fire and wind specialty stuff stuff?" They both regarded each other with vacant expressions.

"So technically we could implement our strategy?"

"Yes, I think we could!"

"So that means we would beat Nagi?"

"Yes, I think we would!"

"And that means we should be regarded highly!"

"Yes, I think we should!"

"And this isn't repetitive!"

"I think we should!"

"You haven't listened to a single thing, have you, Ro?"

"I think we should!"

Nagi had been watching the two argue for a while, contemplating the myriad of intelligence seen in the argument, in fact, he could _barely_ contemplate the 'quality' of smartness shown between both Ro and Clood. He sighed, and produced a picture of Nat from his top (Nagi had also mastered the art of mysterious concealment of objects in his clothing) and gave it a longing look. Not that we know how he obtained a picture of Nat, nor do we want to.

"Uhm, excuse meh, my dear, where did you get that picture of Nat?" Clood asked, blinking. Ro merely sniggered. She had quite obviously had something to do with it.

"A… dealer… and … stuff. Yeah. A dealer." He nodded affirmatively.

"OH MY GOD, A DRUGS DEALER!" Clood instantly assumed a threatening-ish looking stance with her katana out in front, pointing towards the sky-- … Just… in front. Stop misinterpreting our words, 'toopid reader! "Drugs are evil! Don't do them!"

"N-n-n-no, Clood, not that type of dealer!"

"Then what type? A PORN DEALER?!"

"NO! A… dealer!"

"WHICH TYPE OF DEALER, BOY?" She walked up to Nagi and thwacked him with the flat side of her sword.

"THE DEALER TYYYYYPE!" He yelled in pain, waving his arms around in the hope that doing so would somehow help his pitiful cause. Meanwhile, Ro sent him a talk-or-die glare. However, that backfired and merely increased Clood's suspicion.

"WHICH TYPE?"

"THE… R… No, I won't say!"

"QUEL TYPE, NAGI?"

He sighed in a defeated manner, and finally spoke. "Ro… Ro gave it to me." Upon hearing this, there was a moment of awed silence from Clood, rage induced silence from Ro, and just the special kind of stupid silence you get from Nagi.

"You… Betrayed me, Nagi! After all those porn pictures I sold you…!" Ro was quivering with rage at this point. Unhappy Ro means unhappy people around Ro.

Clood swung her sword up on to her shoulder with one arm, and with the other, did a 'rock on' handsign to the sky. "THREE WAY BATTLE TO THE NOT DEATH!" After a bit of contemplation, the three of them simultaneously leapt at each other, shouting out their own silly war cries. 'For Narnia' was heard somewhere in there.

Ro was releasing kunai as quickly as she could, using her water controlling kekkei genkai whenever she felt like it, Nagi was attempting to stab Clood with his serrated chakra knives, a seemingly new addition to his style, and Clood was doing her normal stabby, jutsu, stabby, swishy, POKE OPPONENT, slicey, jutsu routine.

As it turned out, they were all pretty evenly matched, Clood and Nagi were getting no where with their weapon duelling, reeling off arial acrobatics, impressive manoeuvres, advanced weapon mastery techniques among other things, whilst hitting away Ro's kunai throwing skillz, occasionally dodging her water assaults – this being painfully easy for Clood, what with her using her kekkei genkai to predict the elemental attack.

"Kay, guys, this isn't going anywhere!" Nagi yelled, stepping back and tripping over a rock, finding himself firmly on the ground with no where to go.

"Well, you're not, that's for sure." Clood replied, a sadistic grin crossing her face.

"Clood, please! I don't want to die!"

"No one does!"

"…Can you take pity in that then?"

"No."

"PLEASE, CLOOD!"

"Have fun wherever you go, Nagi!" She was almost singing the words in a joyous tone, as she brought down her sword, stopping a centimetre away from his head. "…Which won't be anywhere any time soon!"

"YOU SADIST! YOU BLOODY SADIST!"

"I love you, to--" However, Clood was interrupted be a loud crash. Both Clood and Nagi whipped around to see Ro grinning, whilst sitting on a pile of chopped up trees.

"Firewood." Ro stated, making a peace sign. It was then clear what she had been doing whilst Clood was torturing her team mate. Torturing her team mate after winning. This made Clood feel so triumphant that she failed to notice a low branch whilst lugging the dissected trees back to Oro. Low branches hurt. A lot.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Many days later after much map misreading, blonde abusing (both Clood and Naruto), jutsuing people and humming. Of course, this was all done by the members of the somewhat disbanded Team Freak. Pfft, as if anyone else could be that stupid.

Tsunade and Shizune strolled idly along a long path, glancing around at their surroundings occasionally – a Japanese castle. The older of the two wore an emotionless mask on her face, disguising a myriad of dark emotions beneath her, the younger wore a contented smile.

"Shizune, stand back."

"What?" And right on cue, a deep rumbling sounded, followed by a rather loud hiss, and a few excited expressions. Indeed, twas Clood, Ro, Nagi and Oro standing atop a giant snake, attempting to look intimidating. Unfortunately, only one of them was managing to look cool. Guess who?

"TSUNADEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Clood yelled in a jovial fashion, waving frantically.

"What in god's name…? Orochimaru?"

Shizune's eyes were wide, but for a different reason. "Does that young girl… have sake in her pocket?"

**OMG EnD ChApToRZ.**

**Well, we were going to make it a suspenseful ending, however, we opted for the more… exciting option…**

**Until the next chapter, you people can bet which 'young girl' had the sake in her pocket.**

**Much love to Xaras Uchiha, and all our other _nice _reviewers! YOU GET MANY, MANY COOKIES!**

**Apologies for taking such a long time to write this, we're all getting rather caught up with cosplays. T.T**


	14. Valentine's Day and Shippuden!

**OH MA GOD. Lahk, 1 day till Shippuden. Oh mah god. –nosebleed-**

…**To the people reading this two years in the future, this is how depraved we were of timeskip. Shudder.**

**We'll start writing so we don't scare you with our rabid activities.**

**V READ DIS NOTE V**

**A little note of cosplays! (from your often absentee favourite writer, Tilly of Riches) We (meaning me and Clood, Nat is yet to be convinced) are currently in the process of making a Kairi and Marluxia cosplay in time for the May London Expo 2007, and if anyone else bodes from the Eng-land, go, GO! Cos, then I can dance around you with my girly keyblade and be like 'LuL'.**

* * *

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Tsunade was getting into a defensive position as one of the other Sannin, Orochimaru was standing right in front of her and Shizune with a horde of 12/13-year old girls (and Nagi, but he doesn't count) waving maniacally at her.

"Now, now,Tsunade… If we be reasonable about this, no one needs to get hurt." Orochimaru said with a slick tone to his voice.

"Like all those innocent people in Konoha?" Tsunade retorted, speaking in a rather fearful angry tone.

Orochimaru glanced to the side, looking rather disgruntled. "They don't count."

"You haven't changed one bit, have you? Throwing away people's lives like they're nothing!"

"… I didn't mean it like that." Much to everyone's surprise, his voice had adopted a whiny tone. This was so alarming, that the scene had to end.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – One may wonder why we do these like this instead of something simpler, but to be honest they look like a cool ghost noise!

Jiraiya suddenly flicked his head upwards to the sky and sped off towards the neighbouring town. Nat quickly followed his lead, sensing what would happen, whereas Tilly and Naruto had sneezed a short while ago and didn't notice that Jiraiya and Nat had gone until a few moments later. They concentrated their chakra to their feet (therefore wasting it) and attempted to keep up. Tilly attempted sticking her foot out to trip Naruto up several times, but her heart wasn't really in it so he stumbled only once. She missed Konoha and Kakashi and ramen too much already. Indefinitely long missions sucked sometimes, for sure.

Naruto gasped and panted as they rolled close to the village, "Man, I could really use some French toast around about now…"

"WHAT?"

"UH, I said ramen, you heard me say ramen, oh look, there's a white haired pervert!" Indeed, it was Jiraiya attempting to find Tsunade's location from two rather clueless looking blonde women.

"She's blonde and busty….Uhm….Sake and gambling?" Jiraiya scratched the back of his head. Being around fully dressed women was really quite nerve-racking, you never know when they're going to throw you a (chakra enhanced) blow.

The two women turned and conferred, before one turned around and asked "The Legendary Sucker? Her?"

Simultaneous nodding.

"Oh, she went that way to that haunted castle on the hill…Come to think of it, a lanky black haired guy and a blonde girl were asking after her, too. I always knew the yakuza would want their money back." They both sighed, and walked back to wherever they came from.

"Wonder who the other people were…" Naruto looked blank. Very blank.

"Couldn't possibly be Orochimaru or Clood, could it?" Tilly bore a pensive look on her face.

Nat merely darkened her expression, a wave of sarcasm engulfing her features. "No."

The others sighed at Nat's 'conclusion' and merrily hopped off to the haunted castle, or the… castle on the hill… or … the hill on the castle of haunted, or whatever.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Ro moaned and flopped to the ground. Negotiations hadn't been going particularily well, whenever Oro came close to persuading Tsunade, either Clood, her, or Nagi would interrupt with a stupid comment and land them back at square one. In fact, they'd been trying with her for three hours.

"…As I was saying, if you'd agree to heal my medic, I swear that I won't even attempt to harm you. At all." Clood giggled as her sensei said this, half relieved that he had listened to her when she told him that her brother and boyfriend _were not the right way_. Well, they kind of were, but they weren't the _best _way. Actually, no one really knew what the best way was.

Tsunade narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "And where is this medic of yours?"

"Lying on a hospital bed in my village, courtesy of those three." Orochimaru glanced at Clood, Ro, and Nagi, who were whistling innocently. Well, only two of them were. Nagi hadn't quite worked out how to whistle yet.

Shizune stepped in front of her master, a senbon in hand. "He's the man who tried to destroy Konoha, you can't seriously be trusting him, Tsunade-Sama?"

Tsunade walked out from behind the minimal 'protection' her apprentice was offering. "I've known that guy for a while, and I know that he keeps words that he swears upon." She narrowed her eyes. "Right?"

"Only if I really mean it."

"… Do you really mean it, Orochimaru?"

"So much that I'm willing to forget the 100,000 odd Ryo you owe me from all that strip poker."

Tsunade glared at him. "You swore you'd never mention that again!"

"I didn't quite mean that one." Orochimaru replied, rather pleased with the fact that Tsunade really couldn't think of anything good to reply with. "I'll throw in an extra 50,000 and my finest bottle of sake."

Tsunade pondered this with a dark look on her face. "…Fine. Take us to the medic."

Clood's eyes lit up. Maybe there wasn't any need for the Sannin battle after all. Maybe the great god of the Narutoverse was giving her an extra chance for some OroTsu. Maybe she was just being too optimistic. "I LOVE YOU, TSUANADE! SO, SO, SO MUCH!" She ran forward and gave Tsunade a big glomp, startling the older woman. And just about everyone else, save for her team mates, who also glomped Tsunade. This was slightly dubious coming from Nagi, who was, in fact, a boy, and wasn't meant to be glomping older women with large breasts. We all know Oro wanted to join in, but he isn't exactly a glomp person.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat blinked. "I can't bloody believe it. Tsunade isn't here. No sings of a battle. Clood managed to get Tsunade on their side?" She looked very, very unhappy, staring at the alleyway where the two sannin were meant to be meeting.

"Maybe… they offered her cookies!" Tilly proclaimed, in a more definite tone than was strictly necessary.

"No, ramen!" Input our not so favourite blonde hero.

"I bet it was to do with porn. Seriously. Oro probably blackmailed her with some personal pictures." Jiraiya grumbled, annoyed that he was bested by a pale snake obsessive.

"No, no, Jiraiya, that's what _you _do. And me, but I'm betting you just stole that from me!" Tilly was unfortunately releasing a little of her kekkei genkai power, having not been able to use it in a fight for a long time and got all pent up. Naruto tends to do that to a person.

"Wait, I didn't steal it, its mine. Yeah. Mine." Jiraiya's nose was starting to bleed from confusion.

"But how do you know it was either of ours? How do you know of anything related?" Tilly rose an eyebrow in mock intelligence.

Jiriaya, dumbstruck, sniffled, and shuffled onwards, deciding not to confront the crazy being again for a while. Nat, meanwhile, was attempting to make sense of foot prints. It could almost be said she had the skill of a tracking dog. HA. Nat. A dog. LULZ.

"They left… around an hour ago. Heading in…" Nat looked around. "That direction. Wait, no, that one." She looked around again. "WAIT! NO! They went… the way we just came from. Yep."

"Let's just use this handy compass which shows your heart's desire! I stole it off a Jack Sparrow cosplayer!" Tilly whipped a dubious looking compass out of her pocket, and showed it off to everyone.

"Let's give it to Jiraiya!" Naruto cried merrily. "I'm sure he desires Tsunade!"

"No – she's his _loins'_ desire." Tilly glared.

"But… how do you desire Tsunade?" Naruto inquired, ever stupid.

"Ah, well, you see, I need Tsunade so I can go back to Konoha with Tsunade, and then Tsunade will become Hokage and it will be partially thanks to me so then I can finally be promoted to chuunin with Shikamaru but not you ands then I will continue my trainings and missions with Kakashi because he'll think I'm so cool now that I'll be a chuunin and he'll start to respect me a little."

"Righty-ho then."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo After a 'chase' of some sorts back to the Sound… well, one party was chasing the other, the other was just walking along at a leisurely pace, but was several hours ahead. Also, Naruto lost one of his sandals whilst wearing it, so it took around a day to retrieve it. We now rejoin our dearest … not hero party at the Sound.

"CLOOOOOOOOD!" Came a shrill shriek from down a corridor. Evidently, it was Sakon. Wait, no, Tayuya.

"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Was the replied shriek.

"SHUT UUUUUUP!" Tsunade inputted, rather fed up of Clood's antics. They didn't exactly… rub the right way. Especially after the time when she tried to get Orochimaru to peek on Tsunade in the hot springs. That ended in a lot of pain.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Clood replied, a vein pulsing.

"INDEED WE SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOULD!" Ro cried, bringing an awkward silence to the group.

"Please can I heal the medic, now?" Tsunade asked, after said pause. "I want the money. And the sake." She looked fairly evil. "Do _not _forget the sake."

Clood looked rather sheepish. Said sake had already been drunk by her several weeks prior to leaving, but Orochimaru was not to know this. Tayuya also looked rather sheepish. She had helped.

"…Yes, yes. Sake… We sure have sake here, eh?" Clood nudged her friend.

"Oh, yes, plenty. Absolutely."

Ro decided to join in. She had eaten Orochimaru's pocky, so was fairly well educated as to the correct response to these types of situation. As to why Orochimaru had pocky… It was a present from Clood. Let's leave it at that. "Oh, yeah. Much sake! Which has not been drunk! Not by Clood or Tayuya!" Okay, so maybe Ro wasn't too well educated on the correct response. However, Tsunade was too annoyed to hear. Sadly, their evil was not.

Sorry, evil sensei.

"I'll talk to you two later." Orochimaru whispered, "And Caroline, have you seen my pocky?"

"Yes! No. No… YES! No. Yes… No… No." Ro looked down. "I didn't eat it, Sir. It was Clood. And Tayuya. You know what they're like."

"Yes, I also know what you're like. I shall forgive you. I was not going to eat the pocky anyway. In fact, I was planning to tempt Sasuke with it. Not even an Uchiha can resist pocky."

"What, so, 'COME TO MY VILLAGE, LITTLE BOY. I HAVE CANDY!'?"

"No. 'Come to my village, little prodigy, I have pocky.'"

Tsunade looked somewhat confused by this. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't hear anything. You're hung over, remember?" Much nodding went round the group.

"Yep, she's obviously hung over. So hung over that she has to heal the medic now, or she'll DIE." Clood stated, rolling her eyes for dramatic effect. "Speaking of medics, where did Shizune go…?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"LONELEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I AM SO LONELYYYYYYYYYY I HAVE NO BODYYYYY ALL ON MY OWWWWN." Shizune sang, holding an empty bottle of sake in her hand. She was sitting in the middle of a village square, frightening innocent passers by.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"We left her at the hot spring village." Nagi muttered, being the only one who wasn't drunk at the time.

"BUT THAT'S A PRIME JIRAIYA TARGET!" Everyone else exclaimed at the same time. Except for Orochimaru, he does not exclaim. He … 'quips with appropriate timing'.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Well, hello there little lady." Jiraiya advanced on Shizune, looking in every way the creepy pervert that he is, followed closely by Tilly, looking in every way the creepy pervert that she is.

"Are you…" Shizune squinted, as if her doubled vision would go away if she did. "A toad?"

"In some aspects, yes, but in others, I'm a sexy tiger." Jiraiya winked in a horribly suggestive manner. This scared the drunk Shizune so much, that she slumped down on the ground, having a fit. The words 'Orochimaru', 'Tsunade' and 'children' were barely discernable. Tilly instantly reached a conclusion.

"ORO AND TSU HAD CHILDREN?!"

"Nnnrnggh… Medic…bed… children…" Came Shizune's highly slurred voice again.

"…Kabuto had… Tsunade and Orochimaru's children in a bed?" Jiraiya inquired, rather confused again.

"Tsunade…Sound…heal…medic…"

"And Tsunade went to the sound to heal the medic after he had their children in a bed!" Naruto finished off, and then speculated a little. "…Can men even have two other peoples' children?"

Shizune sat bolt upright, her eyes wide, as if the above statement had awakened her from a deep drunken rage. In fact, that's precisely what had happened. Somehow, the thought of everyone having children in weird places restored her somberness.

"Orochimaru and some weird kids took Tsunade to the Sound to heal a medic and they just left me here…" She looked rather sad.

This promptly sparked a few gasps from Naruto and Tilly. Nat had been expecting something of the sorts, although she wasn't quite sure why Kabuto needed an advanced medic's aid. Jiraiya would have been horrified, but he was too busy thinking how he was going to 'handle' Shizune.

"Then we must hurry to the Sound and get us a Hokage!" Tilly nodded as she said this, really really wanting her chuunin promotion.

"YES. ONWARDS! THE COMPASS OF TRUTH SHALL LEAD US!" Cried Jiraiya as he ran off with Tilly, Naruto and Nat. Once again, Shizune was left alone, shivering in the cold.

"Please… don't leave without me!" She swiftly stood up and began to run frantically, occasionally stumbling. Maybe Naruto's 'cure' wasn't quite as effective as one would think.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – not so very long after the last bit, in a Sound medical room.

Kabuto groaned and rolled over. This was partially due to the fact that Ro was poking him, and partially because he had just received major surgery. Take your pick which was worse.

Tsunade observed the two of them with a relatively cool expression, wondering why she was actually helping the guy who killed her teacher. Actually, she didn't really mind. Orochimaru was quite obviously slightly different than how she remembered him, she suspected that Clood had something to do with it.

"No moving for three days, kid." Tsunade avowed, pointing at Kabuto in an accusing manner. The medic's only response was a whimper, followed by a groan.

"MAH DEARS, DO NOT COWER IN FEAR, FOR I AM HERE. AT LAST!" Clood declared stridently as she burst in to the room.

"This a _hospital. _Or… Medical bit. You're meant to be quiet in those." Came the slug sannin's response, under laid by a very steady 'I hate you and I wish that you die a painful and horrible pain killerless death' tone. Clood being Clood, she didn't notice this, so Tsunade decided to change the vein of conversation. "Say, my pay. My sake and my money. Where is it?"

Both Ro and Clood laughed nervously. They had been charged with telling Tsunade what had happened to her pay. "You see…" Ro started.

"The sake…"

"What about the sake?" Tsunade arched her eyebrow. "Is it not mature enough yet?"

Both girls shook their heads. "We…" There was a deathly silence. "We drank it." The two of them took three steps back each towards the door. Another one on top of these was taken, just for precautionary measures.

Tsunade was rather displeased. "And my money. What in god's name happened to my money!?"

"…I spent it on pocky. Sensei's present…" Clood muttered.

This pushed Tsunade over the edge. She walked towards the other two girls. "You spent a village's entire fortune on pocky!?"

Clood grinned. "No. Nothing happened to your money. Juuust the sake! BUT! If you want the sake, then we're going to have to spend what's meant to be your money on it. So… Sake or money, Tsunade…-san?"

Ro turned to her friend. "…Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Imperatively?"

"Fo shaw." This … 'conversation' continued for a while, neither of them really knew what they were doing or saying. This gave Tsunade ample time to consider her options. Money, sake or dead kids with a pissed Orochimaru as a result?

"I have decided." Tsunade closed her eyes defeatedly, ignoring the worried whimpering of Ro and Clood. "… I shall stay here until you give me both my money and my sake."

There was a silence before Clood jumped up and down happily.

"OH GOD, MY OROTSU PLOY WORKED! We did it, Ro! Well, no, I did it, but it _worked!" _

"Ploy, Clood, what ploy?" Ro blinked, as did Tsunade.

Said evil mastermind smiled rather maliciously. "Hee. I started formulating this one a while ago. In fact, I drank all that sake for this very reason! I knew we'd be going to get Tsunade, I knew what we'd have to bribe her with, so I took that out of the equation. All I had to do was make sure sensei didn't spend anything, so I bought him some pocky with my own money so that he wouldn't try to buy his own food with the necessary money. I know that Tsunade doesn't like losing, so it was obvious that she'd stick around until we gave her what she wanted, and our village sake brewery released a statement yesterday saying that there would be no more sake for a month due to technical difficulties, giving me a whole month to---" However, she was cut off by an explosion from above.

Tsunade, instead of panicking about the large 'boom' noise, stared at Clood, in something approaching awe. Even Clood could be smart sometimes. Meanwhile, Ro did the panicking for her. It was at this moment that Orochimaru walked through the door, a rather bored expression on his face.

"Does anyone remember asking Jiraiya to join us?" He asked. There was a pause as everyone thought back a little.

"Nope."

"Not me."

"Why in god's name would I do that?"

"Oh…" There was yet another pause while everyone present attempted to work out how Jiraiya had found them, when it hit them all in a blinding realization of doom at precisely the same time.

"SHIZUNE!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Entrance to the Sound

Tilly surveyed the surrounding area and could come to but one conclusion. "Gloomy."

"You can say that again." Nat replied.

"Gloomy."

Jiraiya, having only just heard the last word, nodded. "You can say that again."

"Gl--" However, Nat interrupted.

"Don't even think about it, Tilly."

However, Naruto took the liberty of saying it for her. "GLOOMY!" Once again, there was a glare between him and Tilly for him stealing her words.

* * *

**DUM BUM BUM. ANTI CLIMACTIC ENDIIIIIIIIING.**

**Which side will keep Tsunade? Does anybody care about Kabuto? At all?**

**Well, duh Konoha's getting Tsunade -glares from glarers-**

**And Kabuto, well… He's not worth thinking about x3**

…**Yes, we did delay the release of this to Valentines day, coz we're really sad like that. Oh the romance! … There wasn't any romance actually in the chapter, so… pretend Tilly sent Kakashi a letter or something… JESUS, IMAGINATION PEOPLE, IMAGINATION! …Well, we'll type it then.

* * *

**

**Vah-len-times Bites.**

"I LOVE j00, OROOOOOOOOOO!"

"…No… Not again…NO!!"

_-END-_

The scene: A hospital bed. Tilly lies alone, gazing at all the flowers and get well soon gifts placed around her bed. They're goddamn ugly. Suddenly, a young male enters the room…..

"What's the update on your status?" It was Neji, looking somewhat more pensive than usual.

"Uh….good status, yes." Tilly nodded, waving her IV stand a little.

"Are you meant to be doing that?"

"…Uh….instinct."

Sarcastic looks were traded from the one with no pupils.

"So…um….When from the hospital?" Neji was stuck for words. Both were, Tilly not really knowing where to look, surrounded by horrendous gifts and a socially awkward young guy. Nevertheless, Tilly was never the one not to take full advantage of an opportunity to get out of bed.

"Soon I shall come hence forth. Actually, in fact, you could help me get out right now…."

-AND THUS A PLOT BEGUNTH-

Tilly and Neji strolled merrily down the streets of Konoha, followed by many odd looks in their wake. It wasn't every day that one saw a Hyuuga prodigy and a girl in hospital garments with an IV stand together. This was, in fact, so rare, that all sorts of old people had been running up to them and giving them flowers. Valentine's spirit, Tilly supposed. They walked for a while without saying anything, and whence they reached a rather nice looking … flower shop? They stopped.

"Uh… wait here." Neji muttered to his companion before running inside. It took him no less than two minutes to emerge carrying a giant bouquet of nice looking flowers and a box of chocolate. He shuffled up to Tilly muttered 'Happy Valentine's Day', handed the goods over and then ran off, blushing, leaving Tilly standing alone.

"Wow. What the hell was that? Suppose, I'd better get him a crème egg for Easter then…" Suprisingly, for the sadist, she smiled.

_-CHANGE SCEEENE-_

Nat stood alone, staring out at her destination, Konoha, on the very outskirts of Sound. It was little past dusk, yet far from cold at this point, ideal for setting out in, or, it would have been ideal had she not met an interruption.

"NAT! DON'T GO!" Nagi tumbled down from a tree, and landed flat on his front in a moaning pile.

The cynic wasn't all too sure why she stopped, however she did nonetheless. "What are you doing here?"

"I came… to see you off, it being Valentine's Day, and all…"

"It… is?" Nat had, at this point, walked over to Nagi, and had sat down beside him. Her having done so rather quietly, he was slightly startled when he sat up to find himself next to dearest Nat.

"Yeah… I bought you some chocolate." He grinned and handed over a box of extra chocolaty caramel bites.

Nat took one look at them and groaned. "I can't eat dairy products. Allergies…" She then smiled a little. "I'd of thought that you'd know that from stalking me."

"Oh… right." There was a moment of utter silence, interrupted only by the odd bird twittering the background. "You know that Clood's cooking a big Valentine's meal, right? You could at least stay around for—"

"I prize missions more highly."

"At least let me buy you something more suitable to eat…?"

"I still prize missions more highly." Nat stood up, and began to walk off.

"Even more highly than dango?" This stopped Nat right in her tracks, her eyes alight.

"Fine. You have 10 minutes to fetch me some dango. Though I might have already gone."

Nagi merely grinned and took her by the hand and started walking, dragging Nat along behind him back into the entrance of Sound. "No… you're coming with me!"

Nat cursed, wondering how in god's name she fell for something so simple. "You had this planned from the beginning…!" When Nagi said nothing in reply, she cursed again, and suddenly felt the need to kick something. Then, it hit her.

"Clood helped you think of this, didn't she?"

"Yeah." They had stopped walking, having reached an enticing looking dango stall, right in the middle of a rather nice looking underground park. It was a mystery how this park was maintained, high level genjutsu, Nat supposed.

Around a minute later, Nat found herself sitting on a bench next to Nagi, a stick laden with dango in her mouth.

"I'd have thought you'd try to run away by now…"

"I prize dango more highly than fleeing."

Yet another silence crept over them, and this was seized as an opportunity for Nagi to shift closer to Nat on the bench. He yawned, and stretched his arm….

"I'll break that, you know."

"I know." …and he placed it around Nat's shoulders.

"I have to go now." Nat chucked the stripped dango stick into a bin several metres away with practiced ease and stepped away from Nagi.

"No! Don't! What if they kill you?" He grabbed her arm, pulled her back again, lips fumbling on lips in hurry, for the moment, this moment. Nagi was occasionally more smart than appeared to most, he knew how seductive the Akatsuki were and there was no telling how much time he had left. It may be no time at all.

The several moments came and went far too quickly, and as soon as Nagi felt the absence of warmth his eyes fluttered open to find himself alone, with naught but his half eaten dango stick for memories and company.

* * *

**A/N**

…**Well, … uhm. Okay. Romantic, we can do that! We being Tilly and Clauds, Nat doesn't quite know about the ending to her section yet...**

**Note, none of this has actually happened, well, it could have, but it didn't, I'm sure. Clood's bit happens on a daily basis actually, and is definitely not just reserved for Valentine's Day. Tilly's and Nat's could've happened too….**

**Okay, whether or not they happened is up to you and your imagination, etc. etc. –cackle cackle-**

… **Lol. R & R, whores!**

**Uhm… No, not whores… Nice, lovely reviewer peoples with nice hearts and hair and… feet.**


	15. A Chair Battle and the Burning of Porn

**A/N**

**Omg. Didn't you lot just love last chapter's ending? Well, we did. Nat didn't. Tilly had to write that bit in secret away from her prying eyes. We also had to change the account password forever and ever and ever of everness. Cos that's how long she's going to be mad.**

**And now, with our local cynic watching from over our shoulders, let us begin said chapter!

* * *

**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Orochimaru, Tsunade, Clood and Ro ran through the halls of Sound, all of them looking extremely hardcore and purposeful, no one really knew where Nagi was. Presumably lamenting over Nat. The former of them spoke up. "Okay, kids, if one of you ends up fighting Jiraiya, what do we do?"

"BURN THE PORN!"

"Well done, Clood. He'll be so obsessed with the porn, that you'll be able to just walk right up and kick him in the head whilst he's angsting over the loss of his precious adult material."

"BURN THE PORN!"

"Yes, Clood, I know."

"BURN THE PORN! Wait, what am I saying…?" Ro also yelled, along with Clood. Unfortunately, this last one was yelled just as they reached Jiraiya's group, instantly gaining his total, undivided attention.

"Clood…Ro….why would you do such a terrible thing?" Tilly's eyes teared up, clutching the worn Icha Icha copy in her pocket.

Ro sighed. "We didn't mean your porn, we mean the almighty stash of porn over there!" She pointed behind Tilly and co, forcing said gennin to whip around and run in search of it.

"One down, the rest to go, I suppose." Orochimaru said, somewhat… bemused and rather… confused about what just happened.

"Now for the S rank ninja." Clood's eyes narrowed, as she slowly pulled an Icha Icha book out of her pocket, and in a flash of motion, had her sword against it. "One move, Jiraiya, and the porn book gets it."

"NO! MY PORN BOOK!"

"Will you comply?"

"What do you want me to do, great female?" Jiraiya paused at the end of that phrase. "Say, my dear. Do you want to be the next cover girl of Icha Icha?"

A vein pulsed on Oro's head. "She's thirteen years old." He walked forward up to Jiraiya, pulling up his sleeves, much to the horror of everyone else. "Do you have ANY idea what kind of pain you'd go through if you used one of _my _students on the cover of this 'adult' book of yours, fine, if it was well written, but I will _not _have her, or my, reputation tarnished by an image on the front of a amateurish 'novel' so called porn!"

A long silence followed this.

"I wasn't going to say yes, you know."

"Slice the porn book. Now."

"But our leverage!"

"Trust me, don't need it."

"Whatever, sensei." Clood sighed, and satisfying ripped the book into tiny little shreds with her katana. Little pieces of paper with such censorable words as '-------' and '------' and 't-t' swirled around them in a flurry, causing a diversion. Jiraiya's eyes widened as he tried to follow every piece of paper, overwhelming his vision, providing an opening for Orochimaru to attack, thus starting the actual fight bit.

Tsunade merely stared in horror as her two childhood friends, once again, tried to kill each other in various interesting ways. It reached a point where she gave up watching and sat down with Clood talking about stuff.

-JIRAIYA RAIYA RAIYA V ORO- Tilly comes back, there's another big fight, all the young teenagers go 'Hee hee' except Nat. Can you really envision Nat going 'Hee hee'?

Alright, we couldn't be bothered to properly do the Sannin battle. But who would? … Proper authors, but whatever.

"Taking bets on who's going to win!" Nagi called, strolling past the battle with a portable betting shop slung around his neck. Ya know, the … bus ticket vendors they used to have with… Oh, fine, he was just carrying tickets. However, the instant he spied Nat, he dropped his tickets and ran to her, sparkles lighting his eyes. "I HAVE MISSED THEE, NAT! Let us replay our last meeting!"

"No. You know what you tried to do."

"… YOU WANTED IT, TOO!"

"No, I DIDN'T, YOU IMBECILE!"

"Tuxedo Mask is hot…." Tilly interjected into the conversation.

Clood blinked. "I never liked him. How about Neji, Tilly?" Meanwhile in the background, Nagi was chasing Nat around.

"Hm… Intriguing you should mention Neji. He gave me flowers and a box of chocolates! So, likeable." Her face cracked into another grin.

"May some kind of twisted Tilly-Neji-Kakashi-Itachi square thing ensue?" Ro smiles demonically.

"God I hope not. How troublesome." She replied with a small frown, and Tthis was accompanied by a brief moment of silence, whilst all watched Oro and Jiraiya, still trying to kill each other just because they could – seemingly, Oro was winning, kind of, fired on by the defence of his reputation. Jiraiya was spurred on by pornographic images. Tsunade was, as expected, still sitting down, quite unsure what to do with herself. Nagi and Nat were still running around in the background, Nat with an ever fearful expression on her face. Clood and Ro were giggling and exchanging high fives along with ever more perverse jokes. Tilly was chewing paper. This maintained its general structure for a while, until Jiraiya hit the floor, rather unconscious. It could be sworn that a final fantasy victory fanfare could be heard somewhere (it being that Tilly was humming it).

"Oh bother. I do think I would really rather that Konoha win this." Tilly sighed, as she was dragged away to be thrown in a cell, along with the rest of her posse-- …. Comrades. Clood was giggling all the while, exchanging yet more high fives, finding it brilliantly funny that Nat was going to be in a cell with Jiraiya, Tilly and Naruto. She wouldn't last five minutes.

Five minutes later in said cell.

"OH, GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" Nat cried, and collapsed in a weeping heap on the floor, twitching occasionally.

"That's nice, Nat." Tilly sung. "Geez. Relax, have a kit kat and take a break! And eat Jiraiya!"

Naruto's expression soured. "No, you don't know where that's been!"

"Sure I do…" Tilly replied, not really knowing. "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's ransack his body for Icha Icha!"

"And have it confiscated?"

"It'll be worth it till its confiscated." Tilly crept over to Jiraiya, and began to rifle through his apparel in the hope of acquiring Icha Icha, her own being taken and Kakashi not being around to be victimised. Unfortunately for Tilly, Jiraiya's eyes fluttered open, just as her hands reached inside his jacket. He sat bolt upright, tears streaming down his face, causing Tilly to partially fall into his lap.

"MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE. SO TRUE!"

Nat, unfortunately for her, sat up at this moment, and saw Tilly in Jiraiya's lap, with him… looking happy. Very happy. At this moment, Nat wished she had no eyes, but she did, and collapsed to the floor, foaming at the mouth. Tilly was still quite motionless with shock, even with back bent in painful position. Luckily, Naruto was quite more 'coherent' than anyone else, and managed to pull Jiraiya away by the hair, his sensei screaming something unintelligible about 'his', 'first time' and 'ruined'.

"Not…worth it."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Five figures sat in front of a computer screen, in hysterics, watching their prisoners' antics whilst eating some form of ninja popcorn.

"Now I see why we didn't kill them!" Ro proclaimed, having just watched something almost as good as the porn back home. Almost.

"Uh…don't you think we should go break them up? It looks like the prisoners are going to kill each other anyway…" Nagi mumbled.

Everyone's attention focused back on the screens, where it came apparent that Tilly was swinging Jiraiya around the cramped cell by the hair.

"Nope. Its funny." Orochimaru replied.

"But what if Nat dies?!" Nagi stood up and made a dramatic stance. "I could not endure such torture! I would surely die from grie--"

"Then, you may take Nat and take care of her." Came his sensei's reply. A stunned silence followed.

"REALLY?"

"No."

"I GET NAT ALL TO MYSELF!" He ran away, giggling hysterically, without the key to the cell, leaving everyone else gazing in a bewildered, except for Orochimaru who was cracking up silently.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Back in Konohaaaa…

"I LIKE GRAPES!" Cried Rock Lee.

"WHERE DID YOU GET THE GRAPES?" Gai shrieked back.

"FROM THE ROADSIDE!" Little hearts began to float around in the background, "This is a sign from my brown haired love that we are to be together soon with the power of grapes at our side."

"Of course Lee! I shall do everything in my power to make it so, I promise! But, what do these grapes hold for me?" Eyes shined, and waves crashed in the background.

"Food poisoning." Kakashi said from the doorway.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"NAT, I HAVE COME FOR YOU!"

"Leave me alone… oh, god, please… make him leave me alone…" Nat muttered to herself. Again and again. This continued for a minute whilst all else was silent. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Oh, no. It appears Nat is hearing those voices again! However, I shall remedy her ailment! With love!" Nagi cried, dragging Nat away from the cell, breaking down the door due to his lack of key. Upon their timely departure, the other captives merely blinked.

"Maybe it's a genjutsu." Naruto remarked. Jiraiya threw his sandal at the open door, and upon nothing happening, he nodded, entirely satisfied.

"The way is clear, we may depart through this hole. But first, to retrieve my sandal!" He stood up and walked over to his sandal, and just as he was about to pick it up, Ro entered the room.

"OH MY GOD THE PERVERT ESCAPED! HIT IT WITH A BRICK!"

This was yelled loud enough for Clood to hear it in the room with the TV screens, and as she heard this, she instantly ninja blurred off to Ro's aid, brick in hand.

"Naruto! Leave Jiraiya!" Tilly cried, attempting to pull Naruto away from his sensei. "He is lost to us!"

"But, if he dies…!"

"You can just find another one!"

"But wait…doesn't he write your favourite book series?" Tilly slumped to the floor, shoulders shaking.

"Save him. Do it…Naruto!" Meanwhile, Ro, and now Clood, were bludgeoning Jiraiya with a brick simultaneously, in their special attempt to subdue the captive.

"ITS STILL MOVING, RO!"

"HIT IT HARDER!"

"YAY!"

Naruto stared in horror, unable to move. What does one do when confronted by two maniacs?

Throw another maniac at them.

Naruto grabbed Tilly's feet and swung her round and round, sending her crashing into the other two, giving Jiraiya time to crawl away from certain death by brick. As he did this, enraged yelps sounded behind him, like a chorus of terror and fear. A very, very scary one at that.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Should we interfere? It'd be sad if all those kids died… Well, not sad, but… tragic…" Tsunade blinked, quite unsure what to do. Orochimaru did the same.

"How about we… Pretend we don't know its happening?"

"But we do…"

"I think you're missing the point here."

"…What IS the point?"

"You and me. Room. Alone." There was a pause. "… With no TV screen. We don't know its happening."

"We don't?"

"No."

"You make a fine point, Orochimaru. A fine point indeed." And with that, Tsunade turned off the TV screen, disconnecting them from the carnage below, and sat back, shoving a handful of ninja popcorn into her face.

"You know, that stuff probably isn't very good for someone your age-" Orochimaru started before receiving said popcorn in the face.

"Not that great for you, either… Old man."

"Take that back!"

"Never!" And hence, the two sannin enlocked in a ferocious battle to the death, using popcorn and chairs as their weapons.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Around an hour later

The fight still raged in both rooms, Clood and Ro had managed to get annoyed with each other and had started trying to bludgeon each other with bricks, Tilly was joining in because she could, Naruto and Jiraiya were shaking on the side lines, really not wanting to join in. No one knew where Nat and Nagi were, safe to say, it was inappropriate for children. This was what intrigued Jiraiya.

"Naruto, let's go find that Nat."

"But that's… She's being guarded by that short, scary dude!"

Just as Jiraiya and Naruto were about to discuss the pros and cons of defeating Nagi to obtain Nat again, Tsunade stormed into the room, bits of popcorn and chair entangled in her hair.

"Alright, we're going back to Konoha, right now! Money and sake be damned…I get money and sake for being Hokage, right?"

"You sure do. You surely do." Jiraiya nodded, hoping this would persuade her.

"Actually, what happened to Orochimaru?" Clood blinked.

"Oh, yeah. He's…" Tsunade looked around the room for inspiration. "Uh, dying. Totally dying. IN AGONY!" She made eccentric hand motions, feeling rather smug as both Ro and Clood's faces paled.

"YOU KILLED OUR SENSEI!" They yelled simultaneously.

"Uh, he's not dead yet, you'd better go fast!" She laughed a little at her own 'smarts'.

"COME, RO! WE MUST SAVE OUR BELOVED SENSEI AND FOOD PROVIDER!"

"YES, CLOOD!" And with that, they ran out of the room, urgency flashing in their eyes. What would they do without their cook? Yes, Orochimaru cooked for them. Very well.

"Well…that's an escape route. Come along, Naruto." Tilly twisted his ear, alerting his attention to the situation, before making their swift retreat from Sound to the surface.

"We're going back to Konoha!" Tilly sang, beginning a song that was to be sung for the majority of the journey. They had not realised they had left Nat behind, until she burst out of a hole in the ground, panting and hair dishevelled.

"He got what was coming to him…" She muttered, before walking ahead of the rest of the party, setting a rather speedy pace for their march back to Konoha. No one wanted to ask why she was so unhappy.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"SENSEI, ARE YOU DEAD!?" Ro yelled, bursting into the TV room with a flourish. Upon spotting Orochimaru sitting in a chair, sipping a cup of tea, she stopped in her tracks. "…Do zombies drink tea?"

"…Where are the prisoners?" Orochimaru inquired, quite calmly, eyes fixed on Ro and Clood.

"Um… they… Er… Ate… their way out. Yep. Through no fault of our own."

A dark silence hung over the room. "I need new students."

"PICK ME! I WANT TO BE YOUR NEW STUDENT!" Clood cried, waving her arms in the air.

"…Why do people keep missing my points today?"

"How about we focus on getting Sasuke!" Ro piped up.

"Yes. The Uchiha will make a fine addition to my collection…" An evil giggle/cackle reverberated throughout Sound, severely frightening Kabuto who thought Ro and Clood had made good on their threat to 'come back and get him later'.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Several days of travel, camping and singing later…

"Konoha!" Tilly and Naruto burst out simultaneously, bursting through the gates and making an immediate dash for Ichiraku, both bumping into a large shadow, looming over them….

* * *

**A/N**

**Who is the shadow?? Will Clood and Ro make good on their threat to 'get Kabuto later when he's sleeping'?? Where is Konoha anyway?? Japan, or WTF?? Does anyone even care about the Akatsuki??**

**Tune in next time, or we will Pichi Pichi you to death! 8D**

**Review too, please. Heart.**

**_please?_**


	16. Chuunin Promotions and Quest for Sauceky

**Much more love for Kitsune Kit, and Arabelle offa gaia, coz you people awesome coz you read and stuff 8D Tilly says: Noodles.**

**WE BE SO LATE ON THIS CHAPTER. Not very lol…**

* * *

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Come fair brown haired youthful lady! I have…a surprise for you!" The shadow morphed into Gai, who was looking just as suspicious as a man with a bowl cut in a green jumpsuit can.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god… um … um…."

"She says yes!" Naruto the Clueless pushed Tilly into Gai's awaiting steely grip, ready to be steered away to marry Lee in a church on a hill.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Tilly pointed to a non-descript crowd.

"WHERE??" Gai shrieked, and ran away before said disastrous marriage could occur. Tilly breathed a long sigh of relief, before turning back to Tsunade.

"I should be a chuunin, just for evading that threat. I really should."

Tsunade merely stared. She had not remembered quite how obscure Konoha ninjas were. They made the lot from Sound look… normal. This was a rather terrifying thought. At least Oro didn't force poor girls to marry Kabuto at random – the day he tried it, Tsunade would hurt him. A lot. "Wait, so I like… have to _promote _people, too?" A wave of nods erupted in front of her. "Do I get more sake?" There was a pause, and then another wave of nods erupted. Scared nods. "Oh, cool. I DUB THEE A CHUUNIN, TILLY!"

"WHEE! Now I have to go tell Kakashi-sensei!"

"Wait, you need a chuunin vest!"

"CHUUNIN VEST!" Tilly exclaimed, and rose her arms to the sky. "FREE CLOTHES!"

Meanwhile, Nat walked away, attempting to avoid her not quite so imminent promotion. It could get complicated if she was raised to a chuunin.

"HERE, you can have this chuunin's vest until we get one for you!" Tsunade cried, grabbed Iruka, removed his vest and handed it to Tilly with glee. "Being Hokage is easier than I thought…"

"Ew. Iruka germs." Tilly muttered. "I SHALL RUB THEM OFF ON KAKASHI!" With that, she ran off, donning her substitute vest in an attempt to make Kakashi pay her respect.

Naruto turned around, observing his companions. Jiraiya had gone to spy on more girls, and all the poor blonde boy had left was Tsunade and Shizune. Not the best company when you're twelve and you don't understand the finer points of sake or adult happenings, yet a question rested in his mind, one that he simply had to ask Tsunade in private. So he asked it. It didn't matter that Shizune was there, she was like a wall that said 'yes', anyway.

"What… did you do to Orochimaru, granny Tsunade?"

"Well, we were drinking tea and watching you all suffer, when we decided that we didn't want to have anything to do with your deaths, should they occur. Hence, we turned off the TV and started to eat popcorn. I called him old, and he got unhappy, then I shoved popcorn in his face and then he threw a bucket of popcorn, which I then deflected with a chair, then he broke a leg off another chair and charged at my head, and then I moved out of the way with my ninja skills, and thwacked him with the cushion which I had ripped off the chair. This confused him enough for him to stop for a minute, which is when I poured my remaining, warm tea on him, he, not reacting well to the milk in the tea, being lactose intolerant, stepped on my foot and then stuck another chair leg in my hair, not hitting my skull because the hair stopped the vicious assault. And then, I just so happened to slip on part of the remains of the cushion I had ripped off the ruined chair, crashing to the floor bringing Orochimaru with me because he was clinging on my sleeve in an attempt to rip my clothes in a diversionary tactic.

"We rolled around on the floor shrieking for a few minutes, pulling each others hair and throwing punches that missed most of the time, and before too long we reached the wall, where Orochimaru bit me and I smacked his face against the corner. I stumbled backwards into one of the monitors we unplugged earlier, so I picked that up and threw it at him, which he smartly deflected with two chairs used as a short of two handed weapon, with which he deftly charged me and I deflected by quickly shredding the popcorn carton and throwing the scraps into his indolent face. Whilst he was busy rubbing the butter from his eyes, I made my swift escape from the room to come save you guys." _What really happened will be our secret, eh, Oro-kun?_

"Yes." Said Shizune the Wall.

"You weren't there, you liar!" Tsunade glanced at Shizune sideways, shooting her a glare riddled with ice.

However, Naruto did not react to this. He just stood there, his brain still attempting to process everything. He had expected to hear a tale of bravery regarding the defeat of Orochimaru, but he heard something rather different. A tale of chair and popcorn fighting? Surely not. He expected far more from the Hokage. He obviously heard incorrectly. "You're so cool, granny Tsunade!"

"That I am. That I am…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Clood, Ro, Nagi and the Sound four sat around a rather enticing looking fire under a lovely looking starry sky, roasting the ninja equivalent to marshmallows over it. They were rather content with their current positions, them all having become rather close friends in the few months they had known each other. Kabuto was sitting around the fire, also, but they refused to give him any marshmallows, because he's not cool enough. Orochimaru sat there too, he had refused the marshmallows himself, as Ro suspected, the marshmallows just weren't cool enough for Orochimaru.

"So then I was like, no, give me back cream pie!" Jiroubou continued.

"Dude, why did he steal your pie?" Sakon replied, consuming his marshmallow whole.

"Dunn-"

"I thought you lot were meant to be discussing the recent growths of Otogakure." Orochimaru said simply, over his highly complicated scroll of bio-chemistry. There was a pensive silence, when Clood spoke up.

"Uh-huh. We reckon that if we can get lots of people to do adult things, then the village should be as big as Sunagakure in a year or so. Well, that's if people keep joining us." She nodded and ate her marshmallow, then stole Kidoumaru's as he was about to eat his.

"Although, once Sasuke joins us, we'll want to keep moving to avoid the eyes of Konoha and Akatsuki, right?" Ro began, putting… some thought into her speech. "We can't just move a huge village every week to a new base, can we?"

"The point here is that it'll be big enough to compete with all the other ninja villages, so there's no need to move, kids." Oro muttered. He didn't know why he made them discuss politics and the like, he just found it amusing that they could be so stupid sometimes.

"COOL! We'll be like 'COME TO OUR VILLAGE PEOPLE, WE HAVE LOTS OF SECKS HERE!', right?" Ro inquired, receiving nods from everyone else. Except Kabuto. The poor medic didn't quite know where he would fit in with so many people.

There was a contented silence, as everyone took a new marshmallow, or ate their old ones. "OH MY GOD!" Clood cried. "WE COULD HAVE OUR OWN CHUUNIN EXAMS! AND JOUNIN EXAMS! AND OUR OWN NINJA ACADEMY!"

"A good point." Oro sat back, and finally took an un roasted marshmallow from the packet. "But can you all really be bothered to enter such troublesome things?" There was another silence.

"If it means I can laugh at lower ranks, then totally." Nagi replied. Similar answers were received from everyone else. "It would also make you do all the proper Kage things, making you a _real _Kage, sensei!"

"…Are you saying I'm not a proper Kage now? Its hard looking after you lot. Surely I deserve credit for that?"

"We're fucking self sufficient!" Tay exclaimed.

"Alright, kids." Orochimaru sighed. "But I'm only doing it if I get an Otokage hat, and everyone calls me 'otokage-sama'."

"YAY!" There was a simultaneous Oro glomp, as Kabuto took the distraction to sneak a marshmallow out of the packet.

He was in hospital for the next three weeks.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat groaned and flopped down upon her bed in her rather small, rented apartment. The Akatsuki were still plaguing her mind, and everything had just gotten too complicated. She was a Sound ninja, masquerading as a Konoha shinobi, and had an offer to betray them both and join a notorious band of S-Rank criminals. The possibilities were endless.

"Betray Sound and stay in Konoha forever and face the Orochimaru-wrath of doom. Betray Konoha, as I am now, and remain with the Sound, and face the Akatsuki-wrath of doom, dealt by Itachi, Deidara, Kisame, Sasori, Zetsu, everyone else…" She sighed. "Looks like I get the least hurt if I band with the Akatsuki. I'm sure they'll give me a partner to protect me from Clood and Konoha… But, what would my friends say?" Something rattled in her cynical mind. "However, their opinion is irrelevant. Okay." She stood up, her mind set on a goal. "I shall join the Akatsuki! But first, I must procure Orochimaru's ring… Ugh, HOW?!" Something else happened in that mind of hers. _Clood. I'll get it from Clood._

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Oi, Tay! Sakon! Wait up!" Clood cried, running after the Sound 4 as they departed from Otogakure. They all whipped around to face their friend of joy and love.

"Clood? What? We'll be back in a few days, you know…" Sakon replied, shifting uncomfortably.

Clood merely grinned in response. "You're not going anywhere without me. Orochimaru-sama told me to accompany you lot to go get Sasuke. Ro should be coming, too." She indicated to herself, rather geared up in her blue coat, sword strapped to her back.

"But, if anything happens to you, we'll be--" Jiroubou interjected, trying his hardest to not let Clood join them. He was met with a rather sorry looking face.

"Am I really not useful?" Clood said quietly, looking at the ground.

Jiroubou stuttered in response. "H-hey, I didn't meant it l-like that, Clood! Its just, everyone here loves you to bits, and, well…"

Clood's eyes lit up. "HAPPY RESIDENT CLOOD, ON DUTY! NOW, KIDS, WE'RE OFF!"

"But I just said tha-"

"Yeah, well, Orochimaru wants what he wants, and I've been told to join you. Ro should be coming along any--"

"WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! TIS I, RO! COME TO SAVE YOU FROM DARKNESS AND ANGST!" Came a hauntingly familiar squeal.

Kidoumaru just blinked at the two girls. "And what about Nagi?"

"He has the flu. Apparently." Ro replied, shrugging, despite the fact that all knew that Nagi was perfectly fine. He was, in everyone's opinion, just being lazy.

"Oh, same as fucking ever, then." Tayuya grumbled.

"Sure is. Well, kids," Clood started, and strode out in front of them all. "WE'RE OFF TO CLAIM OURSELVES AN UCHIHA BITCH!" And there was much cheering from the group.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Sensei, why did you let me stay behind…?" Nagi asked, eyes glazed over.

"You remember what I told you about the Akatsuki and your little Nat friend?" Came Orochimaru's bored tone as he poked a few papers around his desk.

Nagi's eyes widened. "You don't mean…"

"I have a strong reason to suspect that she'll be joining them. Soon. I want you to go out with Kimimaro, he won't want to remain here when he founds out his friends are gone. Then, find Nat." Orochimaru's eyes slid up to meet Nagi's. "If she joins them, things will be rather miserable for a while."

"I understand, Sir."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOOoOoOo

Tilly clutched her very own chuunin vest, comical tears of joy streaming down her face. "I'm… a chuunin…" She stated, receiving a quizzical look from Tsunade.

"You already knew…"

"It just sunk in."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Three days later.

Tilly stood beside Neji and Lee, surveying Konoha in silence. That was when Naruto came running up to them, gasping for breath.

"Guys, its Sasuke, Sasuke has…"

"Run away." Tilly stated, before Naruto could get any further. All eyes rested upon her, startled.

"How did you…?" Neji asked.

"I spoke with him, just before he left Konoha. He spoke of power, and then departed. I know when not to interfere, and that was a time when I shouldn't have –I let Sakura play her part. I let him go." A horrified silence descended upon them all. "He's gone to the Sound – he'll be well looked after there. I also saw two friends of mine with him. Clood and Ro, I'm sure you remember them, Naruto."

The blonde kid shuddered as recollections of their thumping Jiraiya with a brick repeatedly came flooding back to him in a wave of terror and the like.

"They'll brutalise him with a brick! We must go after him!"

"I believe that Naruto is right in this case." Neji supplied.

"…Psh. Fine then. I was just hoping to save you some angst. At least we'll get some cool fighting scenes-" Kakashi stepped up from behind suddenly and rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Yo."

"Yeep!"

"We'll just be going now…see you at the gate. Soon." Naruto and the others ninja-jumped over the roofs far, far, far away from the anti-fun about to ensue. Except for Lee, who was still on crutches, who quickly hobbled away with the speed of fifteen youthful cats.

"We won't be able to retrieve him you know. We're doomed to fail…absolutely horribly. Naruto will need your help later on."

"I guess I'll have to respect your decision on this one. But, how, how do you know all of this?"

"I just…" Suddenly, she ninja-poofed away. Kakashi was confused.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sasuke was miserable. Absolutely miserable. Of all the people he had to be picked up by, he was picked up by the creepy girls who served Orochimaru.

"So, Sauce, do you like eggs boiled or _fried?" _Clood asked, poking the Uchiha boy with a stick. A pointy stick.

"… Put the stick down before I break your neck." Came his quiet, evil reply.

"If you won't tell me, then you'll have to settle for bacon!"

The Sound 4 blinked. "Bacon?"

Clood blinked in return. "Breakfast."

"SOLDIER PILLS!" Ro cried automatically, raising her arms in the air.

"No! NUTRITION!"

"PILLS!"

"NUTRITION!"

"Waffles." Jiroubou stated. There was a pause. "I'd like maple syrup covered _waffles._"

"I don't want fucking waffles or bacon or pills!" Sasuke was insanely infuriated.

"Oh, there's none of those where you're going anyway! I was talking about us. The egg thing was a trivial thing to work out your personality. I can tell a lot from what type of eggs people eat…" Clood and the rest stopped as they reached a clearing.

"Now, into the container with you, boy!" Ro poked him. Sasuke just stood there, fairly bemused.

"Explain."

Sakon sighed and stepped forward, and began to explain the process of unsealing the cursed seal of evil. Little did they know, Sasuke just pretended to understand this. In fact, he had no idea what the white haired guy was talking about. He also did not know anyone's names. They had told him, but he forgot. "So, all good?" Sakon inquired rather absentmindedly, shoving the bottle of evil pills at Sasuke.

"Fine. Do whatever." And with that, a lot of chakra stuff happened, and Sasuke found himself in a barrel, in agony, but sleeping all the same.

Ro shut her eyes, rather tired from days of travelling, and opened them again, resolution lighting up her eyes. "We'd better go. The Konoha lot will be on their way at some point soon."

Clood and Ro shared a glance, both of them nervous. They knew what was to happen to the Sound 4, but whether that could be stopped was another matter. Just thinking on the prospect of their dear friends dying made them both miserable and anxious. They had not realised that they had been left behind.

"NO! WAIT FOR US YOU UNGRATEFUL, MISERABLE LOT!" Both Clood and Ro cried at the same time. When they re-found their comrades, they were standing atop Genma and Raido's barely moving bodies, grinning arrogantly.

"…Ew. Decapitated jounin…" Clood muttered, before stalking on ahead of everyone else. Ro joined her, just to look dejected, and to obtain sympathy.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Shikamaru surveyed his team. Naruto, Kiba, Chouji, Neji, Tilly and Nat. A motley crew, if he didn't say so himself. At least there were two chuunin on the team. Nat looked a bit agitated, her eyes shifting from one point to another. She had successfully avoided being promoted to a chuunin, but to be randomly selected for the Sasuke Retrieval Arc---Mission?

"Guys, one… of my friends is on the opposing team. I'd rather she not know it was me she'll be fighting against. May I obtain a mask and large cloak from somewhere?"

Shikamaru blinked. "Well, if you're opposing sides, then surely she'd know you'll end up fighting, right?"

"I'd rather avoid it. She's scary. Wait, you remember her? Clood?"

Shikamaru's jaw dropped. "HER?" He didn't want to, but he remembered his humiliating defeat at the chuunin exams, and began quaking. "We're up against that person!?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Anyway, so, can I?"

"BY ALL MEANS! HIDE YOURSELF! LET THAT GIRL NOT KNOW OF YOUR EXISTENCE!" Shikamaru's quivering only worsened, and he sank to the ground, mortally angsting about what was to become of his last minute chuunin team. It was at this minute that Tenten came running along. Nat, as soon as the one with no personality appeared, ran away to find herself some inconspicuous clothing, capable of hiding the cynic vibes which she protruded a great deal of.

"I want to come with you!" Tenten cried, her face a constantly fixed smile. Shikamaru looked up at Tenten, hope sparkling in his normally dull, flat looking eyes.

"Yes, oh yes! Perhaps salvation from _THAT _person has come in the form of a want to be weapons mistress!" Shikamaru stood up, the light of optimism still burning.

"Yes. We can use her as a human shield." Tilly muttered to herself, quite unsure of what would happen to her if anyone heard. She'd probably be sent to the Sound on the grounds of her methods being inhumane.

Much planning, promising and nice guy posing later, the ninjas of Konoha departed from their village, all wearing solemn faces of determination. They had all kept their original positions in the line, with Nat, Tenten and Tilly being randomly slotted in.

"Sasuke, we're coming…" Naruto muttered.

"TO RAPE YOU!" Tilly added on, earning horrified glances from everyone else. She would have gotten one from Nat, but the mask was obstructing this.

"Yeah, Nat…why did you have to choose a hunter-nin mask? You're still a genin." Tilly said with a bit of pride in her voice.

"…It was either that or a Hello Kitty mask."

"…Do you still have the Hello Kitty mask?"

"No."

"Aw crap."

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**OH HO. Finally, an update is nigh! … Or, here, or… whatever. **

**Join us next time, and you shall see… people bashing, probably some ANGST! And character death. Well, that may come slightly later, but then again, I suppose the word 'character' is stretching it by quite a bit.**

**Review. Now. Or we eat your jellies! **


	17. Notsocharacter death

**Oh my god. You actually 'joined us next time'? **

… **Well, we love you for that, regardless.

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**

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

BUTTSECKS was what the chapter begun with, but Nat deleted the word. However, we wrote that sentence, so now BUTTSECKS is what the chapter begun with regardless of Nat's efforts.

…

BUTTSECKS

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kabuto walked along the corridor and silently entered Kimimaro's room, a sour expression on his face. Ever since Clood had come along, he had fallen from Orochimaru's favourite, and now, as long as she lived, there was no returning to that place. His face darkens along with his thoughts, as he began to think of horrible ways to torture and then kill poor, poor, Clood. He began to giggl-- … snicker evilly, without noticing, alerting Kimimaro to his presence.

"Kabuto-san? Why are you here?"

"…I suddenly remembered that you were here."

"After three weeks! Finally, you have come to give me medication?!"

"Yeah. And to tell you that Orochimaru-sama will be needing you soon. You'll be going out with Nagi to help Clood."

Kimimaro winced. "They… didn't tell me?"

"They didn't have time." Kabuto's glasses flashed dangerously, in that creepy way which they do. How can one man have such evil glasses…?

Kimimaro's face fell abruptly. "No one cares… They always forget me…"

"Perhaps you'd be better off dead."

"Maybe I-" However, he was cut off by the door to his room being shoved open rather abruptly by Nagi. Nagi with a bow in his hair. No, not really, but it would be funny if he _did _have a bow in his hair. Maybe he'll get one in time for next scene!

There was a dark, dark pause as Kabuto's evil plot was interrupted. No longer could he turn Kimimaro against Clood. OMG YES HE WAS ACTUALLY PLOTTING THAT. Bitch.

"DEAR KIMI! We must go now, for if we are very late, our friends may die horribly at the hands of evil people!" Nagi swung a rather full looking backpack off his back to the floor. "I have packed three weeks worth of soldier pills in this bag, should we need to throw them at anyone, or, god forbid, actually _eat _them!"

"…You want to see that Nat girl again, yes?" Kimimaro muttered, pulling himself up from his machine type bed thing.

"LESSA GO!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"How far behind are they?" Ro asked, urgency riddling her voice.

"Two metres. Dude, you can see them." Sakon replied, pointing at the Konoha shinobi.

"HI RO!" Tilly cried, waving her arm in the air.

However, Ro's attention was not on Tilly. It was on the mysterious masked girl type blob. "Seriously, what the hell is that? Is it like, some kind of... evil mutilated robot?" Clood nodded as Tilly said this, her being equally curious about the mysterious figure.

"Its Shizune." Shikamaru said, rather meekly, his eyes fixed on Clood.

"Ah…"

"Can I eat Shizune?" Jiroubou asked, a somewhat innocent expression on his face.

"NO! YOU MAY NOT EAT SHIZUNE!" Tenten cried. She had not worked out that it was Nat under that mask yet.

"Shizune sounds tasty…"

"STOP EATING SHIZUNE!"

"But I'm just _talking _about eating Shizune."

"Guys, why haven't we mentioned Sasuke yet? He _is _the fucking reason we're here, you know." Tayuya stated, immediately stealing the attention which Nat/Shizune had acquired.

"… GIVE ME BACK MY SASUKE, DATTEBAYOOO!" Naruto cried, shaking his fist in the way that old men shake their fists at children stealing other peoples' dogs. What? _Everyone _steals other peoples' dogs in England! 8D

"Uh. Yes. Give us back the last Uchiha bastard!" Tilly said half-heartedly.

"OKA-"

"GODDAMMIT, RO! No giving back Sasuke!" And with that, Jiroubou stepped in and did his earth prison thang, trappin' all of them Konoha ninjas.

"Well, I'll take care of this lot." Declared the fat ma- … larger male, as he stepped in front of his comrades. Clood would have objected, but she didn't care so much about him as she did the others.

"Uhm, try not to eat Tilly. She tastes … boney." Clood nodded to herself. "Yeah, boney. And I'll make _you _boney if you eat her!" A horrified pause followed. "BYEE!" And with that, Kidoumaru nabbed Sasuke's barrel off Jiroubou, and the Sound party jumped off. They all wanted to cackle, but it didn't seem too appropriate. They could cackle when Sasuke was at Sound.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Inside Jiroubou's earth prison…

"Ew. I just stepped on an earthworm." Tilly stated, quite unconcerned about their doom filled predicament.

"One just hit _me _on the head." Neji replied, thoroughly displeased with his situation.

"OMG, SHIZUNE _IS _AN EARTHWORM!" Tenten yelled, a brief panic overwhelming her senses, consuming her pathetic excuse for a conscious whole .

"Tenten?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

A lot of arguing and attempts to break out later, the Konoha group was still no closer to finding their escape. Naruto had started having a nervous breakdown – this was highly unexpected. It was then that Nat finally took it upon herself to inform her group of the prison's weakness, a smug, yet still masked, smile on her face all the while.

"So, it was blindingly obvious the whole time…" Shikamaru muttered, rather ashamed that Nat had worked it out prior to him. No one else blamed him, though. The poor genius's mind was rather occupied with thoughts of 'How do I avoid Clood?' and 'What if she eats me? Will I be simply ingested, or…?'.

Dramatic music started playing in their minds, something like… well, I don't know, My Milkshake or something. Yeah, that can be inspirational, too.

"Mah milkshake brings all the…" Tilly started.

"Boys to the yard?" Echoed Jiroubou's voice.

"HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" Tilly gasped, utterly shocked that a fat, ugly man could know such a song.

"Clood sings it a lot around Orochimaru-sama."

"Oh, join in with me, then!" Tilly cried, and with that, the two of them started on a duet. No one was complaining : it was the perfect distraction, giving the ninjas doing the actual ninja-ing an opportunity to destroy the back wall of the prison. A few seconds later, they were all standing outside, Tilly and Jiroubou still singing, both of them rather jovial.

"La la la la laaa, the boys are waitin', la la la la laa-" And then, there was a silence.

A long silence.

"QUICK! TO SAUCEKAY!" Tilly declared, sprinting away, perfectly happy to leave Chouji to suffer.

"To him, indeed." Neji stated, and ran off, following Tilly. The rest of the Konoha bunch did the same. It took them a minute or so to realize they had headed off in the opposite direction, but a bit of thwacking and yelling sorted it out rather quickly. They then went in the correct direction, following Shikamaru, and Naruto, who actually knew what they were doing.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Ninjas should _so _get cars." Clood declared, slamming her foot to the ground. The Sound group were all, needless to say, rather tired and grumpy. All of them felt a dark, annullable urge to just put Sasuke's barrel down in the middle of a clearing, and attach a note reading 'for adoption' to it.

"Baby for sale!" Ro shrieked at a passing old woman, who 'Yeeped' and ran quickly away. "Why do old people always do that around me…?"

"Because you're a crazy horse." Kidoumaru stated.

"What did you say?" Ro shot him an evil glare.

"Because you're a crazy…" He looked around him for inspiration, and found Clood mouthing the word 'whore' at him. "… A crazy whore."

"COOL!"

"Fucking awesome." Tayuya nodded, and then sat down. "But I refuse to go any further. My feet hurt. Too much to bare THEY'RE GOING TO FALL OFF!"

"So are my fingers." Sakon replied. "And you don't see me complaining."

"HA! You just did! HA!" Clood pointed at him and cackled, demonstrating the unyouthfulness of his fingers. This scene would have descended into anarchy, had it not been for Naruto, dropping from the sky. Like batman in orange. Batman thrown by Tilly.

"GIVE ME BACK MY SASUKE, BELIEVE IT!"

There was a slight mumbly noise of dissent from Sasuke's barrel.

"He doesn't like you. Go away." Tayuya cried, throwing a rock at Naruto's head. Which hit. Okay, what the _hell _happened to actual ninja techniques in this…?

Beside Naruto, the remainder of the Konoha lot dropped down, all of them looking rather frightful, with evil, evil expressions on their subdued faces.

"Maybe they didn't appreciate getting stuck in a dome of mud." Ro commented.

"Okay. I SANG! I deserve _retribution_!" Tilly cracked her knuckles, her face darkening, she leapt at Kidoumaru, the nearest to her, Neji following suit.

The spider man yelped, as he was tackled to the floor. "GO! I'll…deal… with this um… lot…" Was all he could manage, before his lungs went into spasm from all that crushing.

The rest of the Sound ninjas nodded, shrugged, and left.

"Wait…I didn't mean it… NOOO!"

The Konoha ninja people, Tilly and Neji being excluded from them, also shrugged, and ran after the Sound lot. And thus, a chase ensued. AGAIN.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Meanwhile, in the barrel…

"This…is _so _corrupted…" Sasuke thought, and his hand slowly crept down to his….

"Itachiiii…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Dude, what's that… noise coming from the barrel?" Tayuya asked, her eyes sliding to Sasuke's barrel. She did not like what she was hearing. It sounded like Uchihacest.

"Uchihacest."

"… There are TWO Uchihas in there? Where did the other come from? Like, did it teleport into _our _barrel?"

"Dude. Its just masturbation." Ro replied, patting Tayuya on her head. She then patted the barrel, until Clood stole it.

"This should put a stop to this nonsense!" She declared, and raised the barrel above her head. Her head whipped from side to side, until her vision settled on a small hill. A short while later, Sasuke's barrel was speeding down the hill, strangled yelps emitting from within it.

Sakon, being a not so crazy person, picked it up, and blinked. "Wow. Shall we… er… continue?"

"Yes!"

"NO!" A voice sounded from behind them, and the remainder of the Konoha shinobi were standing there.

But one was amiss.

He had been amiss since they left. Where had Kiba gone?

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Kiba blinked, and stared at himself in the mirror. Staring back at him was a Kiba with a gai haircut. In shocking pink.

"OH, GOD!"

"ITS SO YOUTHFUL!" Gai cried, and placed a little more hairspray in Kiba's once normal-like hair. Blue hairspray.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Hark, for… Ninjas of the esteemed Konoha! They stand before us being hardcore in our faces! What shall we do?" Ro gasped, raising her arms to the sky.

"We shall be hardcore back!" Clood cried, and also raised her arms to the sky. Tayuya joined in, coz it looked funny. Sakon didn't. He just clutched Sasuke's barrel a little tighter, thankful the funny noises had stopped.

"OMGWEHAFTOWIN!" Tenten squealed, and simultaneously flung herself at Clood, trying to poke her to death. Sadly for her, Clood did not take well to being poked by someone other than Oro. Or Tilly, she didn't so much mind that.

"OMG GET OFF ME!" And Tenten was flung away, hurtling towards a tree, feet first. How? We don't know. Clood's hate vibes own all.

Then, some ninja movements happened, and Shikamaru ended up trying to bash Tayuya's head in with her own flute and Nat was standing there looking confused at Sakon. Naruto was yelling at people. Loudly.

Suddenly, all fell silent and still as Clood killed Tenten. Horribly. With her shiny, shiny sword.

Oooo, sword.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"So… What's your name?" Tilly inquired, smiling toopidly at Kidoumaru, providing Neji with a distraction.

"Uhm… Ki-ki. Well, uh, that's my nickname, but, … yeah, its Kidoumaru. THE Kidoumaru." Meanwhile, Neji was sneaking behind his opponent, kunai in hand, preparing to bludgeon the foe to death with items.

"So, what do you think of Clood, eh?" Tilly winked, as Neji made his stealthy advance. TO STRIKE!

"Oh, she's uh… cool. UCK!" There was a pause. "There's a kunai in my shoulder. And it hurts." Then, Neji started juukening the poor spider man, being all intensly cool. In the special Neji way. Tilly squeed, and managed to produce Clood's pompoms, abandoned in chapter one.

The fight thus continued as it should, except for Tilly's interventions, ultimately saving her and her companion from rather nasty pains.

Ooo, companion…

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**End chapter**

**Well, it's slightly late, but we promised not-so-character death, and not-so-character death you received!**

…**Be it slightly to the point, and lacking in sufficient amounts of detail. You might get elaboration next chapter, you might not.**

**8D**

**Love.**

**P.S. Clood's broken two of her fingers, send her R&R love!**


	18. Happy faces and nail picking

**Here we are!**

**Chapter 18!**

**Wow, this is getting pretty long, and we haven't even reached Shippuuden yet.**

**Once again Naruto does not belong to us. Sob.

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oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Oh… my god. You killed TenTen!" Naruto exclaimed. There was a dark, rather ominous silence, as all stared at Clood, her sword gleaming with a bloody sheen as it stuck awkwardly out of TenTen's corpse. "…YAAAAAY!"

And there was much jubilation. Mostly on Clood's part, as she had killed _the _most pointless character ever, and people were worshipping her for it, well, Nat wasn't, but she never responds to anything. Ro, seizing the moment, shrugged and ran off to lie in wait for Gaara.

"Quick, let's seize the opportunity to run!" Tayuya declared, and together, with Sakon, she ran off cackling, leaving Clood to the mercy of the Konoha ninjas.

"Hey, get back here and follow _MY _story!" The poor, dejected Clood yelled, and thus attempted to run off after them, following Naruto, Shikamaru and Nat, who were rather swiftly tailing the remaining two of the Sound 4. It was then, that Nagi and Kimimaro dropped from the skies, confident smirks on their faces.

"We have come to save you, dear Clood!" Nagi declared, hands waving emphatically.

"I DON'T NEED SAVING!" And thus, as Clood ran past, she thwacked Nagi on the head, forcing her friend to omit a startled cry. Kimimaro just stood there, utterly silent. Just like a ninja _should _be.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Neji fell to the floor, breathing laboured. "Oh, god… can't… go… on…"

"Must… go on…" Tilly breathed, however, she was not facing any breathing difficulties. In fact, she had not done anything for some while.

"Must… attempt… to make… witty comment…" Kidoumaru wheezed, covered in kunai stabs, bruises, dirt and general mud. It was then that a heroic thing happened. Neji died for Till—NO! We can't kill two characters within two chapters! … Neji coughed, and turned to face Tilly.

"Go, you must go on and help everyone else! GO, FRIEND!"

Tilly blinked, rather unsure of the situation. "So, you want me to leave you to the creepy spider dude's mercy?" She paused, contemplating the general situation. Neji would win anyway, and she was pretty sure he had more of an advantage than he had in the real Naruto, his opponent fairly incapable of moving. "EH, fine." She turned around rather quickly. "Oh, one last thing." She began ruffling through her pockets, and upon finding what she had been looking for, she grinned empathetically at Neji, threw the kunai which she had been ruffling for at the bad guy, and fled. Sorry, departed with great bravery.

"FOR GREAT JUSTICE!" And that was the last thing Neji heard before he was once again thrust into the fires of _war_! …Well, not war, but close enough to.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"So, lemme get this straight. There are… three Konoha ninja left. And, what, five of us still in action forward slash alive?" Nagi choked in the good way. Just because you _can _choke in the good way.

"Woah. I only just realised that!" Clood muttered, feeling rather confident with the situation at hand.

"Basically, they're screwed no matter what they try, so, like, we might as well stop for a tea break."

"They may have backup." Kimimaro nodded, actually taking this seriously.

"They may _not _have backup." Nagi also nodded, pretending to take this seriously.

"They most certainly _do_have backup." Clood also also nodded, shoving her two allies forward into forced ninja jumps in the fight's general direction.

And then, there was much crashing into things, cursing, eye rolling and general name calling.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Naruto brought a stick down upon Sakon's well conditioned hair. "GIVE ME MY SASUKE!"

Tayuya brought a stick down upon Naruto's not so well conditioned, and certainly not sparkling hair. "NO, HE'S OUR BITCH NOW!"

"This is… seriously troublesome." Shikamaru sighed, earning an appreciative nod from Nat. They had all stopped in another random clearing, and were now trying to kill each other in the most un ninja ways possible.

"Let's just take Sasuke and ru-" The cynic tried to state, but was interrupted by mini fireworks going off a few inches off the ground, several meters in front of her.

"To protect the world from devastation…"

"To unite all ninjas within our nation…"

"To denounce the evils of vanity and strife…"

"To extend our reach to Satan's domain…"

"Cl--"

"Clood, Nagi, shut up." Kimimaro finished, bringing a rather anti-climactic ending to the entrance which had gripped the onlookers. God knows how.

Slowly, Naruto began to clap. He didn't really know what else to do. Orochimaru's minions really weren't meeting up to certain expectations, they were meant to be all scary, but, well… Naruto was just feeling the urge to put bows on their heads and give them milk, cookies and lots of hugs.

"OHMAIGODLETSAKILLTHEMALL!"

Naruto suddenly decided that putting a bow on Clood's head and hugging her wasn't the best of plans. In fact, she was the only one meeting up to those certain expectations of the average Orochimaru minion. She was absolutely terrifying, and it seemed Shikamaru was feeling the full extend of Clood induced terror.

Nagi sighed, his hair blowing. "Peace, Clood. Why don't we try to--" However, he stopped as his eyes settled on the figure in the black cloak, wearing a mask. Nat. "Is that… you?"

"Oh, god…" Nat muttered, before doing something out of character. She giggled. "Hee, of course I'm not who you, hee, think I am, I'm … hee, Shizune! Hee… Hee… Hee…" She danced around on the spot, trying to seem as un-Nat as possible.

And hey, it worked. "…Oh. Cool. I just thought you were…" And in the moment of his angst whenst all eyes were upon him, Kimimaro rolled his eyes, and walked over to Sasuke's barrel, picked it up, and walked off. Only a true ninja can do that and not be seen.

"Hey, where did Sasuke go?" Shikamaru stuttered.

"… Where did Kimimaro go?" Sakon inquired.

"Sweet jebus above. Sasuke took Kimimaro to his barrel of Uchihacest! We must save him!" Clood concluded, her eyes rather wide. "Quick, after him, Shizune!" With that, the two sprinted off. Or, more, Clood sprinted off, dragging Nat by her hair, poking out from beneath her mask of maskness.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sasori looked on upon Clood dragging Nat through the forest, not overly amused. "Deidara… is there any point to us being here?"

"Well, if there's any time that Nat's gonna get that ring for us, its now, yeah."

"But Orochimaru isn't there, child."

"…Ah." Deidara looked around for inspiration, severely disgruntled. His plans were failing all too often, however, he did have one last trump card. "…Maybe, in a flashback… Orochimaru gave Clood his ring to protect, yeah! Out of _trust, _hn!"

Sasori stifled a groan. "And why would he do that? If anyone's going to 'protect' it, its--"

"Well, just… maybe if you think back to when he was your partner, things might… work out, yeah…"

Sasori stifled, yet another groan, but then, upon Deidara's words, he had a flashback. A rather revealing one.

"_No, Sasori, I refuse to protect item x. I don't care if the enemy get it, but I could really do without any form of responsibility…"_

Sasori blinked. Maybe Deidara was right…

"_Leave me alone! I don't want to safeguard your dull Akatsuki items! Or anything for that matter!"_

Orochimaru's words came flying back to Sasori, leaving the puppet master really rather horrified. "…You could be correct…" However, neither of them knew quite how brilliantly exact Deidara had been in his assumption.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A bush began to shake rather violently, and out of the top of it popped Ro's head, leaves sticking out of her hair. She was on a mission. A top secret one which no one had given her. It felt like an S-Class, and S-Classes feel _good_.

A sharp noise sounded to the right of her bush, and she ducked back down, wincing as her face was nicked by various twigs on her descent. Then, she waited. Her waiting had seemed like an eternity of silence, when three blurs streaked by in front of her. _There you are… _She took a sharp intake of breath, and gathering all forms of bravery, she leaped out of her bush, letting of a fearsome cry. "GAARA, STOP RIGHT THERE!"

The Shukaku's container stopped right where he was, upon Ro's instruction. He turned around slowly. "Hello, Ro."

Temari and Kankurou also stopped, mouths agape. "Ro?"

"Hey there, my bitches."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Shikamaru sat down. "So…"

"Well, this is rather dull." Nagi muttered, slightly annoyed at having been left behind.

"And troublesome."

"Hey, you don't have to 'play' with Clood."

"Oh… Dear God…"

Naruto just stood there, eyes wide. "How are you just sitting there? I mean, we have to get _our _Sasuke back!"

In return, he got evil glares from Shikamaru and Nagi, almost already good friends. "Its cool, dude."

"No, it _really isn't_."

"…Yeah it _really _is. He's not our Sasuke. He's your Sasuke, so, go off and save him."

"Fine. I will. Be that way, believe it dattebayo!" And then he ninja jumped off, hurt echoing in his eyes.

"Ouch, double language. You got owned, Shika."

"How the hell do you know my name?"

"I remember you getting owned by Clood at the chuunin exams."

"Argh, God…!" Their conversation continued as such for a fair while, Tayuya and Sakon were still standing there, totally confused.

No one was quite sure what had happened to Clood or Nat. Since they had run off, there had been no explosions as expected, and no flocks of birds flying overhead attempting to escape scenes of great violence. This unsureness was forgotten, however, as Tilly came running on to the scene.

"Ok. I am covered in dirt, twigs, small kunai wounds and bits of pom pom. I don't like Sasuke, and Clood's run away before I can poke her."

"Uh…hi?"

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" Shikamaru stepped back a little, and sat down. On Nagi's lap!

Or not.

"I hate all these 'ninja responsibilities' and crap. You know? I mean, who cares about concealing emotions and duties to villages? We all know we're hurting inside, so why don't we share it with each other? You know, angst and all that shiz. Emotion isn't weakness. Anyway, back to my main rant: I hate responsibility. You've seen how it tears up people and how they blame themselves if something screws up, and besides, the leaders get all the glory, and with great glory comes great responsibility. And hell no, I don't want even _more _responsibility.

"I also hate being the main character. The plot only follows your journey, and it's almost as if you can't do anything else. As another character, it's a complete freedom and lack of responsibility to uphold anything. You can go to taverns all you like! You can leave _anytime you like._ Like college." A stunned quiet followed, as Tilly muttered. "Fuck this, I hate Sasuke, I'm going back to Konoha." She turned around and walked off, leaving several stunned shinobi in the clearing, one of which was picking his nails in disinterest. This was 'toopid Nagi.

Decidedly disturbed by Tilly's … speech, Shikamaru began to fight Tayuya, bringing plot back to the fic. Nagi continued picking his nails, and Sakon watched Nagi.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Stop right there, Saucekay! Give me back my Kimimaro! He doesn't want to be molested by your stupid brother! Further more, … Um, hold on." Clood stopped speaking as she stared right into Kimimaro's eyes. The white haired ninja stared back, highly confused, whilst clutching Sasuke's barrel. "Oh, so… Sasuke didn't kidnap you after all…"

"I don't want to know. I really don't." Kimi's eyes shifted to 'Shizune'. "A hostage?"

"No, I felt a great spiritual connection, and decided to drag her along here in the vain hope that she might be a long lost, traitorous friend." A small sweat drop ran down Nat's masked face. "…Well, hell no! I mean, dude, none of _my _friends would betray me, I'm just so wonderful!"

Kimimaro coughed.

Nat's eyes rested on a glint of silver resting upon Clood's hand. "Oh, my. That's a pretty ring you have there, … hee, little girl…" She bent closer to it, verifying its true identity. Her life was just made easier. _She's actually carrying Orochimaru's ring? … Did she steal that thing? Woah. Here I was thinking I'd have to infiltrate Sound and steal it of Oro whilst he was sleeping. Thank god. _"May I have it?"

"Sur… No. Its my 'love trust ring' from sensei!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Deidara and Sasori's eyes bulged.

"Woah. Isn't life nice, yeah?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat shifted uncomfortably. She didn't want to fight Clood, at all, but it seemed she had no choice. "In that case, I'll have to liberate it off you!" It was only after she lunged at her friend that she realized she knew none of Shizune's moves. _OH, shit… _

"GAWD, HELP ME, KIMI!" Clood cried, ducking a few 'pretend-Shizune-strikes'. "I don't want to fight the Hokage's _apprentice_!" However, Kimimaro was rather occupied himself, trying to stop Sasuke from running away. The Uchiha's barrel had blown up in the confusion.

"Stop clawing my eyes! Ah, bloody Uchihas!"

"LET ME GO, WHORE!"

"SASUKE, COME BACK TO KONOHA!" Naruto yelled, as he sprinted on to the scene, need flashing in his blue eyes. "We miss you… After only two d--"

He was hit by a flying stick which Nat had thrown at Clood. The poor cynic, until able to reveal her true identity, was rather at her friend's mercy. Her friend wasn't being all too merciful.

Sasuke, meanwhile, had prised himself out of the Kaguya's grip and was now running away from the scene of the battle, Naruto shouting after him. Kimimaro was, all the while, trying to kill Naruto.

Chaos reigned.

Then, Rock Lee made it worse. "Naruto, my friend, go! Save your Sasuke!" He attempted to kick Kimimaro in the head, easily dodged, but nevertheless providing the opening for Naruto to blink, make a retarded comment and run away, back turned to Lee's nice guy pose.

_Seriously, what's with Shizune? She's meant to be some kind of elite jounin, but she's acting more like some kind of constipated gennin… _Clood's thoughts raced. _Perhaps, this so called 'Shizune' is… 'Shizune', but… on happy mushrooms? No, that's not the answer… 'Shizune' is… 'Shizune' is…_

"Goddammit, Claud, stop dodging my sticks! You're always so… annoying!"

…_Holy fuck, Shizune is NAT!

* * *

_

**_A.N._**

**Oh, wow. That took some effort. We had to finish it by the end of term – tomorrow – just like a kind of Easter parting gift. Chapters, will, inevitably, come out… well, rather slowly over the next three weeks, if at all.**

**But the next chapter, will be _the last_. Very much possible.**

**But fairly soon, we shall complete this, and move on to… -debut title…!-**

**What is Wrought with Diet Coke – THE T1M3SK1PZ**

**Thus, we depart, with pleadings of R and R. The mudkipz compel you!**

**(Clood's fingers are still painful – she wants more review love! O8)**

**Nat - Just to inform all of you WBWDC fans that a) I am doing fanart for these which will be coming out sometime in June and b) that I am also doing a series of one-shots to do with WBWDC on my account (NatSama) and that you may suggest any one-shot. On a review. n-n**

**Tilly – Poutou 8D **


	19. The Saga Complete For Now: Betrayal

**Dear world. Hi 8D**

**Tilly – Poutou**

**This chapter is an extra long edition, marking the end to the saga that is 'WBWDC'...

* * *

**

Sakon's eyes remained fixed on Nagi. He knew not why he was watching his friend pick his nails, blind to the world. There was a certain peaceful charm about his activity, both men thoroughly enjoying themselves, if a little confused as to why.

Shikamaru and Tayuya were embarking on an epic battle in the background, actually using ninja moves. They weren't really enjoying themselves that much.

Ro stepped on to this scene, also thoroughly enjoying herself, standing in between Temari and Kankuro. Then, Sakon stopped enjoying himself, and leaped at Kankuro, fate compelling him to do so. Nagi also stopped enjoying himself whenst he was forcefully caused to stop picking his nails by Ro. Shikamaru started enjoying himself again as Temari saved him – but, you already knew that was coming, I should think.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

…_So, Shizune is Nat. But, why would she be after Oro'__s Akatsuki ring? _Clood mentally slapped herself. _Oh, she's doing the 'I'm so cool so I need a cool ring to prove it' thing. Should have seen that one coming. _"Give it up, Nat. I know why you want the ring."

Nat stopped mid kunai throw, fairly horrified, but soon recovered from this not so perpetual awe. "…Heh, so Orochimaru's been working on your IQ, too, eh?" And thus, the cynic removed her mask, revealing a hardcore, dark looking face underneath.

"I think we traded some stuff. He gave me a bit of his IQ, and I gave him a bit of my tardiness and joy filled love." Clood nodded, ignoring Nat's sarcastic glare. "But… the ring… You want it because…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_NO! _Both Deidara and Sasori mentally yelled, the both of them still hiding away, watching from a fairly safe distance.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Because you think that having a ring will make you cool! But you're _wrong_! Rings can't do that! Only being Oro and joining Akatsuki can do that!"

Nat let out a mental sigh. Perhaps the snake sannin had not been as proficient as he thought in training up Clood's mind.

"Wait, no! You want the ring so you can join Akatsuki!" Clood suddenly blurted out, her train of thought having led her to an inescapable conclusion. In response, Nat merely nodded.

"Alright, I admit. I'm betraying you and _everyone else _so that I can join Akatsuki. And hell, you're not stoppi--" She whipped around to face Kimimaro and Rock Lee, who were both staring at her incredulously. "Stop looking at me, idiots. …As I was saying! You're not stopping me! Trying is totally pointless, what can someone like you do?"

Clood blinked. "What did you just say?"

"I said 'what can someone like you do?'"

"…You did NOT just say that."

"I did."

Clood looked around, hoping to find a suitable retort. "Well, y'know, when Tilly gets here, it'll be the two of us verses you!"

"Tilly's not coming."

"…Fine, RO!"

"I'll bet she's with Gaara right now. Betraying you. Like everyone else."

"But… Kimi… is occupied… uh… Nagi!"

"Nagi wouldn't fight _me. _You know that."

Clood once again frantically searched the environment for inspiration, and spotted a grass snake. "Oro! Oro will come save me!"

"He probably doesn't care. At all." Nat's face developed a rather evil sneer.

All of a sudden, Clood lost her vacant expression. "You know, Nat, you may be right about a lot of things, but… That one… there's no way you're right about that. If he really didn't care, he'd of gotten rid of me ages ago. If he really didn't care, would he have let me look after the ring?" The two friends regarded each other, cold expressions on both their faces. "And, yeah, he probably won't come. Why? Because I don't need help, I'll own you here right now, because I'm a very scary ninja and you should be scared."

Kimimaro and Lee, both of whom having witnessed Clood's outburst of angst, began to snicker at her last line. "She's not so good at conclusions."

"It was a very youthful end to the small speech."

"That it w--" Lee and Kimimaro blinked at each other for a brief moment, before resuming their battle.

Nat's face darkened further. "If that's… how you want it, then, fine. I'll prove to you that whatever power you think Orochimaru has given to you… it amounts to nothing!"

"…Why are you not scared?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Sasori chuckled, somewhat menacingly. "Well, Deidara, it seems we've found the perfect Akatsuki member to be, eh?"

However, Deidara was not listening, he was staring at the two former friends, somewhat perturbed. "They're … almost like totally different kids."

"Kids? How old are they, anyway?"

"Thirteen and twelve."

"Holy…"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" Tilly sang, as she ninja hopped through the trees back to her adopted home. She was glad. Very glad. But not so glad as not to recognize a large chakra heading her way. "Yeep!" And she hid in a tree, an often used ninja skill.

Kakashi was running past, intent etched in his … mask, his pace fast and with purpose, everything about him screamed he was in a hurry…

"Kakashi-sensei!" Tilly shrieked, as she leapt from her hiding place and flattened him to the ground. So much for that, then. "Sensei, sensei, sensei! There was this guy with the spiders, and then Neji was my companion, and I sang about milkshakes with a fat man, and then Neji made me…and I didn't want to…but Neji wanted…and Clood was wearing a funny coat, and…and….How was your day?"

"Uh…chasing my students? Trying to save them from certain death? Could you get off?"

"Oh, well, you do that then, see you at home later!" And thus, she sped off his back and away to Konoha, leaving Kakashi all by himself.

"Wait, what was that about Neji?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Ro stood atop Nagi's back. The element of surprise was with her, and she had caught him off guard.

"Ro, please, get off me!"

Ro smirked, loving the power. "Only if you give a message to Clood for me."

"Yeah, sure. I have no objections to being messenger boy, it's a fairly frequent job I'm landed with."

"Tell her I'm going to Sand."

"You're WHAT?"

"I'm going to Sand with Gaara. Also, tell her that I still love her a lot in the friend way, and that should we have to fight, well, I think it'd be best if Sound and Sand could have a permanent alliance, y'know?"

"Uh…could you repeat that?"

"Tell Clood that I'm rejoining Sand, we should be allies in the future and that I love her in the unpornly way."

"Gotcha." Ro, however, did not move. "Can you let me go? Please? I need to save my friends…"

"You don't have any friends!" Ro almost cackled, impersonating Gollum frighteningly well, but I suppose Gollum-esque activity is her forte.

Nagi continued to squirm from underneath her foot, somewhat desperate to save Tayuya and Sakon, those who were just about to be killed by nasty Sand ninja. Ro released him.

Rather too late.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Sasuke!"

"Naruto…"

"Sasuke!!"

"Naruto…"

If Tilly was there, she'd be saying 'Inuyasha', and Clood would be replying 'Kagome'.

"Sasuke!!!"

"Naruto… I will… kill him…"

"Sasuke!!!!"

"Shut up!"

And then, some fighting happened.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Meanwhile, not so far away from the last scene, Clood and Nat were battling it out with an epicness rivalling that of the Sannin battle, except just more gennin/chuunin-ish. However, they did have kekkei genkai, and the sannin don't have those. Ha. At them.

"KYAAAAAA!" Both Clood and Nat yelled, both bored of thinking up witty battle remarks, and terribly insulting insults.

"CHIDORI!" Nat yelled.

"RASENGAN!" Clood yelled in response, and they both rushed towards each other with their arms raised. Oh yeah, and they were both all cursed sealy. Of course, neither of them actually knew the moves, so they ended up poking each other in the eyes, severely painfully.

Simultaneously, they doubled over from pain, crying from painful pains of paininess.

"Hey, an opening!" Nat suddenly declared. She stood up, rushed forward to the still groaning Clood, nicked the ring right out of her fingers and sprinted away, fleeing from the rather now recovered Clood.

"Myaaarrrrg… Gyaaaarg… No… I'm meant to kill forward slash incapacitate you, come back here!"

"Apologies, but I don't have the time to wait for you to get up." And with that, Nat departed, intent lighting her black, black, soulless eyes.

Clood just rolled over on to her back, unhappy, betrayed and in pain. She was also lying on a stick, which hurt. "Why is the rum always gone?"

Kimimaro, and now Gaara, were blinking at the scene, not sure what to do. Clood still lay there, somewhat depressed. Then, Gaara and Kimimaro resumed their fight, Kimimaro dying a minute into it from tuberculosis. This really did not improve Clood's mood. In fact, if anything it depressed her somewhat… well, a lot. Kimimaro was bone-man. Now there was no more Bone-Man. She had failed her friend, as was destined.

"Oh, shit! Master Tay!" Clood cried, suddenly brought back to earth. Well, not quite, she wasn't too sure what to do, say, or well… breathe right, but y'know. Shock induced by friend killing. "Where did you go, Tay?!" Then, she sprinted away, not really wanting to look back…

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"CHIDORI!"

"RASENGAN!" Said the proper peoples with the proper moves, as they launched themselves at each other from opposing sides of the waterfall, Sasuke in his rather gnarly CS2 and Naruto in his rather…orangey demon chakra mode. They subsequently actually beat the crap out of each other, and Sasuke ran away like the little coward that he is. Boo.

Rather unsurprisingly, it began to rain, setting the terribly sombre mood for Kakashi's arrival. Then, there was much angst.

"Wait, maybe if Tilly's right about this, maybe Sasuke really does have genital warts…!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Ro flipped her head around to Temari and Kankurou, standing above their kills. She nodded at her comrades, and they ninja blurred away, leaving Nagi lying in front of his dead friends, utterly speechless.

He stood up rather slowly, and hurried over to Tayuya's body, checking frantically for a pulse, finding nothing. "Oh, shit…"

He was interrupted by a familiar voice coming from behind him, far quieter than it normally was. "Nagi…? What in the world…?"

"Clood, … they…" It was far too quiet. "…I tried to stop it, but, I couldn't…" He glanced nervously from Tayuya's body to Sakon's. "Clood, I'm sorry…"

"No, it's… my fault. I knew it was going to happen, I… tried to change it, but… I phailed with a 'p' and an 'h'!"

"If I hadn't been restrained by Ro, then, maybe I could have done something, but… I couldn't move, and…"

"Ro?!" Clood's eyes became sufficiently wide. "That… bitch…"

Nagi looked at the ground, and decided to restrain himself from telling Clood of Ro's message, lest his friend explode in many coloured explosions. She was evidently depressed and generally pissed as it was.

"Right, that's it. I've decided."

Nagi looked up. "On…?" It had started to rain by this point.

"On vengeance. What else? Up until now, I've treated this world as a game, surviving however I could, not really afraid of anything, I knew the plot up until a certain point, I had friends, I had sensei. Until now, I'd lived here, believing that if I continued to play it like a game, I could get through, but, I guess this just brought to reality that some things really can't be changed. Death, destiny, well… maybe destiny can be. Maybe, I think, if we can continue to make Sound stronger, we _can _be as large as Konoha, we _can _defeat Akatsuki and, well, I _will _get my vengeance on Nat, Ro, … Tilly… Maybe a few others along the way. So, basically, anyone who participated in the killing of Sound ninjas, the hurting of Oro, or the betraying of me."

"Woah."

"Yeah. I've gotta work pretty hard if any of that's going to happen, now that Nat's under the tutorage of Akatsuki…"

It was then Nagi's turn to be utterly shocked and horrified. "She… she's what?"

"Oh, yeah, she was trying to kill me a few minutes ago. She's betrayed us, Nagi, and that's something that … won't go away. Although, we _can _try and get her back."

"… Shit, dammit, bloody fuck, tits, son of a cun…"

"You don't need to say that, dear. We'll get her back. After I've tortured her. She might be missing the odd bit of her anatomy, but, she'll still be Nat. Inside."

Nagi sniggered, reminding the two of them that they were both meant to be evil. "What, like a retrieval of Nat?"

Clood raised her arms to the sky, and stated a few words, words that were to not do too much, ultimately. "NAT RETRIEVAL ARC! LOL!"

"I still don't get the arc obsession."

"You never will…"

And thus, both Clood and Nagi walked off, moods sufficiently lighter, in agreement that it would be better to leave Tayuya and Sakon to the forest, y'know, in case them not being there would change anything drastic.

And then, Nagi realised the reason why so many dear friends had died that day. "…Oh, shit, Sasuke!"

"WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, SAUCEKAY!"

Thus, they did ninja jump off into the stormy skies ahead, coming across a lot more rain, mud and general stickiness.

Saucekay didn't come until much later, several nearly sprained ankles later.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Nat ran through the forest, breathing laboured, onyx eyes clouded over as if she was in a daze. Rain was trickling down her face, disguising any tears that might have fallen in her flight from her friend. _Did… I really just… try to kill Clood? _

Deidara descended from a tree, almost worried for his little former student. "Nat, yeah! There you are, hn… Nice job on getting that ring, yeah."

"…Whatever."

Sasori appeared beside Deidara. "Welcome to the Akatsuki."

And thus, Nat collapsed from chakra exhaustion, and, she'd never admit it, but from emotional turmoil, too.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

"Sasuke, dude, we've gotta go. Ignore the burning doubt in your mind!" Clood attempted to reassure the poor Uchiha boy.

"W…what burning doubt?" Sasuke, stuttered, shooting Clood a terribly dirty look, before turning to Nagi and doing the same.

Clood sighed. "What burning doubt? The one obtained from nearly killing your best friend, 'toopid!"

Sasuke looked down, and continued to walk forward, swaying slightly on his feet. "I don't care. It was necessary… Necessary to reach my brother… Necessary to get to Orochimaru… Necessary to obtain power."

Nagi and Clood exchanged glances, as if to say 'wow, we sure got landed with a prick', and then ran after Sasuke, several meters in front of them.

As they walked, Nagi began to speak. "Listen, prick boy, we all want power. We have vendettas, too, we, too, have bloody vengeances. You're not the only one in sufficient turmoil. Power is 'necessary' for us, too, so don't go thinking you're special. You're not. Strip you of those eyes of yours, and you'd be a … well, you'd be pretty shit as a ninja."

Sasuke stopped, somewhat shocked. "Pardon?"

Clood took up on tormenting the Uchiha boy, too. "Face it, we're probably stronger than you without those eyes of yours. So, for the first few months at Sound, you'd better be ready to be beaten into the ground one hell of a lot."

"Bring it."

And then, Clood thwacked Sasuke on the head with the hilt of her sword, very, very hard. "Believe me now?"

"No."

"Nagi, bite 'im."

"Yes, ma'am." And thus, he did.

Sasuke paled. "Jesus Christ, you're both crazy!"

Both Clood and Nagi snorted, highly amused, before retorting at the same time. "Charmed."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo Several days later.

"Uhm…say what?" Tilly asked, sitting with her eyes…agape, across from Tsunade, who was sitting at her desk. Gai, Kakashi-sensei, Neji (propped up on crutches) and Lee were standing in the background.

"HURRAH!" Lee shrieked, and started crying on the spot.

"That's right, you're joining Team Gai, starting now, 'till such a time at which Team Kakashi needs to be reformed, got it?" Tsunade barked, half slumped across her desk. "Now go away."

"Can I have a pocky stick?" Tilly asked, half walking out.

Tsunade gave her evils. Such evil evils that Tilly could have sworn they were more evil evils than the evils of Itachi and Oro combined.

"… I guess that's a 'no', then…" She muttered, before walking out, and then walking in again. "I guess this is goodbye for a few years then, sensei. I'll miss you, and I know you're not gonna get killed on any of your high class missions, so, bai!" She hugged Kakashi, snuzzled his vest, and then chased after the quickly retreating Neji and Lee. Neji wasn't doing so well with his crutches.

"Quick, she's following us! Run, Lee, run!" The Hyuuga boy cried, hobbling away with the speed of… an enraged cat.

Lee objected. "But, Neji-san! She is on the same team as us!"

"Jesus christ, just _run_!"

"We must wait for my brown haired lo—Jesus Christ, why does she have a mallet?"

"Where did she get the mallet? Well, that re-enforces my point, Lee, RUN!"

And thus, Neji and Lee left the room, leaving Gai laughing hysterically at the spectacle, Kakashi laughing not quite as hysterically, Tsunade sleeping on her desk, and Tilly creeping after them, mallet raised.

"Poutou?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Still several days later, Sunagakure.

Ro stood still, motionless, taking in shaky breaths as she stood before Gaara, her Kazekage.

"I JUST BETRAYED MY FRIEND AND WATCHED MY ALLIES KILL FORMER FRIENDS!"

There was a moment of horror, as Temari and Kankurou both thought the same thing. _…Is she regretting her actions? _

"COOL! Let's go do it again!"

Gaara blinked. "Or not."

Ro blinked back. "Can I be a Sand captain?"

Gaara did not blink, but he replied nonetheless. "Work at it, and sure."

"Awesinebess!"

Temari and Kankurou both cursed. _Shit … we're gonna die. _

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo – Still several days later, Otogakure

Sasuke lay down on his hospital bed, sitting up uncomfortably, restrained by lots and lots of strapping. Clood and Nagi were in the same position either side of him, also restrained. Orochimaru stood in front of them, adopting a very authorative position in front of his three top students, questioning Clood in the same manner he had been for two hours.

"And…?"

"And… I promise we won't horribly fail any more missions and let all our friends die again."

"And…?"

"And… I promise not to raid your secret sake store anymore…"

"And…?"

"And… I promise to stop putting sticks in Sasuke's bed."

"… You did what to my bed!?" Sasuke cried, attempting to motion angrily at Clood, foiled by the restraining straps.

Clood giggled. "Nothing." _At least I don't have to spend the rest of my life with Sasuke. I'm all good with avoiding him._

Orochimaru cleared his throat, gaining the instant attention of his three prodigies. "Now, you may be wondering why you're all strapped to beds next to each other."

Nagi attempted to raise his hand, but failed, so, he just 'shouted out', as schools put it. "Well, is it because we'll kill each other if we're not?"

"Yes. Especially after I relate to you the next bit of information."

There was a deathly pause, as the three young ninjas exchanged glances out of the corners of their eyes.

"As of today, you shall all be in the same team."

"NO!" Nagi gasped.

"SURELY NOT!" Clood declared.

"NOT WITH THOSE TWO!" Sasuke shrieked.

"Yes, surely yes, yes, with those two."

"NO, NO! I NEED POWER, NOT… Idiocy!"

Orochimaru glared at the three struggling thirteen year olds. "Tough. I now dub you three Team Thirteen. You shall be the Sound's elite. No questions."

Clood looked somewhat questioning at that. "… We're… elite? Like, l33t?"

"I said no questions."

"Cool, with elitism at my side, VENGEANCE SHALL BE MINE!"

"With elitism at _my _side, I shall gain power!"

"With elitism at _my _side, I shall gain Nat! In many ways!" Nagi's eyes lit up in sparkles and glitter.

"With elites at my call, I shall be the Hokage, believe it!" Orochimaru finished off, striking a dramatic pose.

A horrified silence swept across the room, consuming Kabuto as he walked into it.

"…Oh, my, you don't actually think I meant that, did you?"

"Yes, kind of, sensei…"

"Do not question my authority!"

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**an AN a/n A/n N/A A/N**

**END.**

**Of ends.**

**With an ending.**

**But, there will be a sequel! A powerful sequel! In which we salvage many ninjas, defeat the evil Akatsuki, well, most of them, and in which plot may be regained!**

**Remember, kids, review, love us, not hate us, do not detest us, and certainly don't come before us with the sharingan and kill us all. Don't run without reviewing, and cling to life until you have!**

**-horrific music type sounding … type-**

**Meowth, that's right!**

**Although, try to keep the reviews at a nice, even number, coz, we like it when it stands at '50', '60', '65' and so on. So, if your review leaves the count at an uncomfortable number, review again!**

**(Or killing shall ensue)**

**See you lot at the sequel, coming soon to an interweb section near you! Soon. Ish. Depends if we start any time soon.**

**Un.**

**Tilly – Poutou 8D**


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